Tag Archives: Nick Lachey
Putting the "Ass" in "Personal Assistant"
You might think that dorking someone like Jessica Simpson would be a dream come true, but in reality, while you were pumping away, she'd be feeding some Pupparoni to her floofy dog, applying self-tanner and Creme de la Mer, taking on her cell with her publicist, and screeching at you to hurry up because her [...]
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Also tagged CaCee Cobb, celebrity breakups, Heather Locklear, Jessica Simpson, Richie Sambora
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Nick Lachey's Soul Worth 41 Months of Wedded Bliss
Do you still live in a fantasy world where Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey were married young because they were deeply, madly in love (and not because they were Christians who wanted to screw) and the end of their marriage brought on tears and heartache and pain that only an expanse of years can heal? [...]
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Also tagged celebrity breakups, frivolous lawsuits, Jessica Simpson
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Nick Lachey Is the New Dr. Phil
Nick Lachey apparently realizes that now that his meal ticket has flown the coop his only chance of clenching on to any remote, microscopic, tattered shred of fame is to use any given opportunity to talk about the demise of his marriage to Jessica Simpson.
These Shoes Were Made for Humpin'
We understand that a lot of you would like to get into Jessica Simpson's pants. Would it blow your minds to find out that the one man who regularly did just that would cast aside said pants in favor of her shoes?
Jessica Files for Divorce, Nick Grasps Last Shred of Fame
Jessica Simpson officially filed for divorce on Friday afternoon. The dream is over . . . blah, blah, blah . . . shattered illusions . . . yada, yada, yada . . . never believe in love again. Really all we care about is how fast Jess can go from sham-happy married lady [...]
FWD: RE: RE: We're Breaking Up
Dear Nick,
When we first met, Daddy hadn't let me talk to many boys so I thought you were really hot. But then I started meeting boys who were way hotter and way more famous than you. And I think I can do better. I bet I could even score with Leonardo DiCaprio if I tried [...]
It's Official: Newlyweds Truly Dead
Oh, for crying out loud in a bucket. We skip town for one second to stuff bone-dry turkey and various sundry beige foods into our maws, and Nick and Jessica go and officially announce their split, the pitiless fiends.
Nick and Jessica Still Holding on to the Sham
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are no longer playing Ward and June. We get it. Weíve accepted it. Why canít they? Just admit it, guys. Tell us some bullshit like, ìWe love each other, but weíre no longer in love with each other. We tried really, really hard, but we canít make it work.î Then [...]
Jessica Simpson Will Not Be Made a Fool of, Bitches
Hey guys, Jessica Simpson here, and I just wanted you to know that I am sooo in love with my husband. Heís hot, isnít he? His boyish smile and those dimples you could swim in are way better than Johnny Knoxvilleís white-trash ístache and long, muscular tongue. Mmmmmmmm, Johnnyís tongue . . . um, what [...]
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Also tagged celebrity breakups, celebrity hookups, Jessica Simpson
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Jessica Simpson's Vagina Free to Date Other People
Theyíve finally done it; Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have finally grown tired of each otherís genitals. And this isnít like that other time when E! tricked us into believing that Jess was finally free to slut it up all over town and we naÔvely believed them. No, this time weíre believing US Weekly. Theyíre [...]