Tag Archives: Natalie Portman
CNW Junk Drawer: Pink Portaloons
Oh, hey, look. It’s Natalie Portman’s panties. (Celebitchy)
Marilyn Manson is now Voldemort. (Drunken Stepfather)
Madonna and Jesus are getting married. Terrific. Maybe Ruth and Zacchias will get hitched next. Or Abel and Bathsheba, amirite people? (Yeeeah!)
Top 10 Hottest Star Trek Chicks. Hellloooo, Uhura. (Mr Skin)
Kim Kardashian wears a skintight leather catsuit [...]
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My Name Is Harvey Milk and I'm Here to Recuit Natalie Portman to Bang Me
We're pretty used to wizened old raisins of cinema leaving their long-suffering wives for foxy young Russians (hey, Ron Wood. Sup, Mel Gibson). But an established actor leaving his wife for a classy established professional? That's crazy talk. But we're reporting it anyway: Sean Penn is cramming his Sean Peen into Natalie Portman. Star mag [...]
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Also tagged celebrity breakups, celebrity hookups, Robin Wright Penn, Sean Penn
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Natalie Portman Is Probably Feeling Pretty Awesome Right Now
Muppet-mouthed maneater Angelina Jolie is widely considered the foxiest babe in the universe, but really, she's just like us. She craps. Sometimes. When she remembers to eat. And if you cut her, she bleeds. And then puts it into a vial and hangs it around her neck. And she actually feels insecure and jealous of [...]
Two Sourpusses Have a Little Fun
If we asked you to name a Hollywood celebrity who takes themself way, way, WAY too seriously, whose name would come to mind? Sean Penn, right? Obvious. But now name another. Are you thinking Natalie Portman? Because we're thinking Natalie Portman. Now imagine the two of them making out. Gross, right? Yet somehow expected and [...]
Natalie Portman Says: "No Sex? No Thanks."
Hey all you nuns out there (what, didn't you know, nuns love CelebNewsWire), Natalie Portman just doesn't understand you. Why don't you get over yourselves and fuck somebody already? What's the deal? It's not like you're going to go to Hell for a little porking, right? Am I right? Oh, wait, I'm wrong. They will [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Porthart, We Hardly Knew Ye
ï Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart break up. Perhaps she woke up and realized, "I'm Natalie Portman. He's a hirsute twee gypsy who sings like a lamb with a barbed dildo up its butthole." (Celebrity Wonder)
ï Right now, Brad and Angelina's adopted kids are looking around their filthy French chateau and thinking, "Screw [...]
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Also tagged Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, celebrity breakups, celebrity nudity, celebrity offspring, celebrity pregnancies, Devendra Banhart, Eva Amurri, Hugh Hefner, jail, Kim Kardashian, Leighton Meester, movies, Nicole Kidman, television
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Vegan Love
In recent celebrity hookup news, Ryan Gosling is kicking it to Kirsten Dunst, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have taken it to the next level with a meet-the-parents visit, and Natalie Portman is inexplicably dating furry, painfully precious neo-hippie singer Devendra Banhart. The two have been spotted together more often than not recently, and the [...]
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Also tagged celebrity hookups, celebrity pets, Devendra Banhart
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Another Present from CelebNewsWire to You
Natalie Portman says: "Seriously, I would really want to grab Scarlett's breasts. She's got beautiful ones." Stow that in your brain pan and let it fester. And you're welcome.
A Present from CelebNewsWire to You
Just in case Lindsay Lohan's really big bare breastage didn't give you a boner, here's a picture of Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson kinda, sorta, almost, ohmigod-they're-so-close kissing. Enjoy!
Natalie Portman Has No Naked Regrets
We would like to take this moment in naked lady history to humbly apologize to the lovely Natalie Portman. Last week we reported that she was grossed out by her own Hotel Chevalier nude scenes when, in fact, this is not the case. She's grossed out by her Goya's Ghosts nude scenes. It's different!
A [...]