ï Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber have a new baby boy. Mazel and tov to that. (Daily Stab)

ï Lily Allen sings "Womanizer". Nice, but we'd really like to hear her "Real Talk". (IDLYITW)

ï Rihanna's cleavage looks fake. Or pregnant. Or fake pregnant. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï From the "life sucks and is totally unfair, screw you Jesus" files: Peter Falk has Alzheimer's. (The Blemish)

ï Hugh Hefner's new girlfriend: young, Ukrainian, brunette. showing us her buttocks. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Kate Winslet is prettier than you. (F-listed)

ï Shenae Grimes, just two sniffs short of KateMossVille. (Evil Beet)

ï Katie Price likens Dita Von Teese's Playboy cover to BM. (Holy Moly)

Naomi Watts had to breastfeed her seven-month-old son Alexander to keep him quiet on a 14-hour flight.

The 'Eastern Promises' star – who is engaged to actor Liev Schreiber – revealed her unsettled son started crying as soon as they boarded the plane to go to Los Angeles from Sydney, Australia, so she was forced to whip out her boob to soothe him.

She said on US TV show 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!': "That was the first time I felt guilty about getting on a plane. Fortunately, I can fly first class these days. The baby's with me, but he started screaming the minute we got on and didn't stop for a good 40 minutes.

"People literally stood out of their seats and gave me glaring eyes. I think they just feel a little p****d off that they spent so much money on a flight and they have to listen to that.

"He's too young for drugs! So I just put him on the boob!"

Sure, Naomi was successful in calming down her kid, but what about everyone else on that plane? Did she think they would forget about the screaming tot once they had some free mini-bar bottles of Robert Mondavi Chardonnay and a couple of Milano cookies? Of course not. If Naomi was truly concerned about the comfort of her fellow first-class passengers she would have shoved her boobs in their faces too. It works wonders on the sour demeanor of anyone, no matter their age.


Naomi's nubbins will have a calming effect on you at MrSkin.com.

Naomi gets nudely MILFish at MrSkin.com.

ìWe are married. You got it first. Break the story!î

However, neither were wearing wedding rings, and Liev's exuberance could also be construed as sarcasm. This is eerily reminiscent of Heath Ledger's and Michelle Williams's coy, "might be, might not, F U press" marriage thing. We're gussing secret possible marriage is just one more thing Australia is good at, like vegemite, ozone holes, and dominating American films in the mid-1980s.

See Naomi's miniwatts at MrSkin.com.

ï Those pictures of AI's Antonella Barba smoking some dude's dork are fakes. But weep not, for it will still be entertaining to see the shame in her eyes as she belts out some Diane Warren song tonight.

ï When we see a headline about Paris Hilton getting impounded, we generally take that to mean "in the butt", not her car.

ï Naomi Watts is 100% with child. You know Nicole Kidman is seething with jealousy.

ï Cameron Diaz's butt cleave threatens to devour her bikini bottoms in one chomp.

ï Wolfgang Puck serves up a hearty lamb-and-hepatitis stew to half of Hollywood.

ï Dannielynn Has Two Daddies.

ï Britney's problem might be post-partum depression. Solution: make Jayden James pay.

ï "It was a dark and stormy night. One of my streetwalking employees just sat on Bruce Willis's face." Breathtaking prose from a former Hollywood madam!

ï Kate Moss continues to show excellent judgment by allowing Pete Doherty to move into her home. He brought with him a banjo, clothing, a gold record, and a big pile of crack.

ï Lohan's got the DTs. Or she's just scared, whatever.

ï You'll have to wait just a little bit longer to illegally download use your working and legitimate credit card to purchase a copy of the Kim Kardashian sex tape.

ï Anna Nicole might have died from being loopy! Oh, wait, no. Lupus. Lupus.

ï Tyra Banks recreates her iconic swimsuit issue cover shot. Too bad her face looks like she's dropping a log in her bikini bottoms.

ï Gretchen Carlson finally lends credibility to FOX News with a liberal view of her panty-clad crotchial area. Did you catch that? Liberal! Haw haw?

ï Brody Jenner is pissed that Details insinuated he was using Nicole Richie, but says it's all good because he has "broad shoulders". Wait, what?

ï Watch in rapturous wonder as Jewel nearly drops a forkful of food down her cavernous chest chasm.

ï Anna Nicole's death is a lot like her life: with a bunch of creepy men all fighting over her body.

ï Speaking of Anna Nicole, her small, purple-haired, Broom Hilda lookalike tuff gal former assistant Kimmie speaks out, accusing Howard K. Stern of being an asshole!

ï Or not.

ï Michelle Rodriguez "never killed a pot head".

ï Naomi Watts is likely preggo via Liev Schreiber, who ejaculated semen into her vagina.

ï Katie Holmes sez: "I won't wed 'til afterbirth!" God, that's sick! Oh, wait. That's "after birth".

ï Still married to one nonfamous guy, Tori Spelling gets engaged to another. That means two men have willingly signed up to make Tori Spelling's vagina the only vagina in their lives forever and ever and ever. Our world, it is a sick and sad one.

ï Unbearable douchelord Bono flirts with his own daughters, but at least saves the massive shagging for his wife only.

ï Wipe that image out of your mind with some naked pictures of former supermodel/erstwhile Axl schtup-puppet Stephanie Seymour.

ï Is Naomi Watts about to marry Liev Schreiber? Is she incubating his young? Is she going to don a bikini and bang Bond? Whowhatwherewhenwhyhowwhatwhatwhhhatttt???!?!?!?!?!

ï Whatsa matta, Paris? Crabs gotcha down?

ï Cindy Crawford's little son is totally in my face! Poor Maddox Jolie–replaced by a newer, hipper, younger, more attitude-y at age four.

ï Keira Knightley's thong. Yup. It sure is.

ï Eminem will make ex-wife Kim new wife Kim on January 14th. The invitation reads: "This day I will marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, love." Guess "Sit down bitch/If you move again I'll beat the shit out of you" doesn't exactly scream "holy matrimony".

We're not even going to bother trying to introduce that "Fergie" gargoyle from the Black Eyed Peas anymore because you know how we feel about her. But it's been brought to our attention that the vast majority of American men do not care if your face is quickly sliding headlong into Jocelyn Wildenstein territory and you've urinated all over yourself if you have large cans and one of them bursts out of your bodice, so, hey, knock yourselves out. See if we care. You sick freaks.

Courteney Cox has a rodentlike spouse, a snigger-worthy last name, and enough residuals from her cancelled television show that she need never work again. She's also got a lovely figure, considering she's 68 years old and had a baby and had her skeleton removed and replaced with balsa wood during a particularly heated battle with Jennifer Aniston for the title of Most Featherweight Friend.

Kelly Hu's claim to fame is that she starred in a movie with The Rock. Impressive? Certainly, but to maintain that kind of hotter-than-grease-in-the-griddle superstardom, you need to break out your Hawaiian hooters once in a while. Mission accomplished.

See Naomi Watts's lightbulbs at MrSkin.com.

Fergie's got a nude review there, too, you betcha.

Courteney's cans? MrSkin.com's got 'em.

Kelly Hu's no Ho, but she does have a nude review happening.

A Naomi Watts flick just wouldn't be a Naomi Watts flick if she didn't show her lightbulbs. And she does just that in Ellie Parker, but guess what, kids? She's got a bush-baring bath scene at around the 34 minute mark, too.

The Jacket. Ah, yes. Was it just yesterday that we chronicled Keira Knightley's grand doffing of the top for this movie? Our reporter has a little more to add, though: in this Adrian Brody film, Ms. Knightley proves her charter membership to the Itty Bitty Titty Committee not once, not twice, but thrice!

Station Agent costar Patricia Clarkson surprised audiences with a mega-nipply bikini shot in The Dying Gaul, then knocked everyone clean over when she exposed her bajoobs in a sex scene with Campbell Scott.

Not much needs to be said about a movie called Inside Deep Throat. There are tons of archived shots from the original beej masterpiece, and there is plenty of Linda Lovelace to go around.

Kyra Sedgwick continues her nudity shock-and-awe campaign in Loverboy, showing some boobs here, some buns there, and even some bush. Her real-life hubby Kevin Bacon directed, so we can pretend this is a celebrity sex tape.

Last but not least, we've got Happy Endings, starring. . . Tom Arnold? Thankfully, cuz keeps his clothes on, but guess who doesn't? LISA KUDROW. That's right! Friend Phoebe! She's on a massage table, the towel gets pulled down, and the right boob pops out. This MAY be the work of a body double, though, so stay tuned . . .

Need more Sundance flesh info? Ask and ye shall receive. Here ya go.