And before you start bitching, yes, we know that Miranda Kerr is wearing pantyhose and is therefore technically not nude, but hey, that sure looks like an ass to us. So suck it, nitpickers.

Naomi’s nude upskirt is safely tucked away under the cut.

ï L.A. dudes in bands, hold on to your wieners–Mischa Barton is now single. (Digital Spy)

ï Samantha Ronson announces that Lohan’s boobs will become Mrs. and Mrs. Ronson soon. (The Blemish)

ï Mr. Skin kicks off the Top 50 Sexiest TV Shows list! Will Mama’s Family make the cut? (Mr. Skin)

ï Rachael Leigh Cook (”‘memba her?” – TMZ) still looks adorable, especially in her bikini. (Fatback)

ï Garbage girl Shirley Manson is a urinal. You heard us. (Cityrag)

ï Naomi Campbell plans to have babies. Great. Ever notice how a rattle is the exact length and weight of a Blackberry? (Derek Hail)

ï Everybody wants Tina Fey or Megan Mullally to do a Sarah Palin impression. But Gina Gershon’s got it covered, bikini and all. (Yeeeah!)

ï Josh Hartnett is the only man alive who plans on suing someone for saying he had hot sex in a library. Dork. (IDLYITW)

ï Anne Hathaway's scuzzo ex got sentenced to five years in the big house. And we just got sentenced to 10 minutes of masturbating to Anne naked in Havoc. Everyone wins! (CelebWarship)

ï And he shall be forever called Fishdick. (Holy Taco)

ï Kanye Wested got arrested. (Bitten and Bound)

ï VH1 is working on a new dating show starring Antonio Sabato Jr. You know who's going to be really excited about this? My sister, in 1991. (Seriously OMG WTF)

ï Look! We made a list of the "Top 100 Hilarious and Addictive Celebrity Blogs". See, we're not as bad as everyone says. (The Love Coach)

(Pic via Celebrity Smack)

The former 90210 star gave birth to a daughter on Monday, June 9. Stella Doreen McDermott arrived at 3:13 p.m. PST and weighed 6 lbs 8 oz.

Tori's rep tells OK!, "She's here! She's a healthy baby girl. Tori and baby are resting comfortably."

And in semi-related but way more hilarious and terrifying news, Naomi Campbell says that she's ready to join the infant brigade after recently having a cyst of evil surgically removed from her dastardly ovary. According to Contact Music, Naomi said:

ìNow I can have a child I would like one. Iím even willing to have one without a father. I know that I am ready. I know that with a baby I would change, Iíd calm down."

Either that or the child will mysteriously have a baby monitor-shaped imprint in his smooshy skull after a bout of prolonged squalling.

Tori gets MILFy at MrSkin.com.

Naomi too!

ï Mischa Barton is refusing to promote her t.a.t.u. movie. Wonder why. (IDLYITW)

ï Thank God for Lindsay Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson, for it keeps Michael Lohan in the news! (Yeeeah!)

ï Scarlett Johansson. Naked in a pool. (Egotastic!)

ï As Hilary Duff's veneers have shrunk, so has her rack inflated. It's magic! (Cityrag)

ï Mariah Carey dons her most Mimi-est of rags to kick off Japanese baseball season. Man, what a weird sentence. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Pamela Anderson returns to form with the best upskirt she can muster. (Taxi Driver)

ï Angelina and Brad let their children do whatever while they dunk their sleek, genetically superior forms nakedly into their pool. (The Blemish)

ï Naomi Campbell to trade glamour for the slammer. (Celebitchy)

ï Bill Murray's wife says he's a drunk and a stoner and a cheater and a beater. B-b-buh . . . but . . . he's the voice of Garfield! (PopCrunch)

ï All hail the Poshycat Doll. (Daily Stab)

ï Kids, heed the sad tale of Naomi Campbell's hairline: weave abuse leads to baldness. (Yeeeah!)

ï Rihanna has a crotch that emits mystical hot pink beams! (Cityrag)

ï More Mischa Barton titty buttons from Closing the Ring. Now with video! (Egotastic!)

ï Julia Roberts stinks. (FemaleFirst)

ï Julianne Moore shows Moore of herself. Namely, nipples. (Fatback)

ï Billie Piper flashed a peck of freckled poppers. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Amy Winehouse spends a night being dainty and demure. (CelebWarship)

ï Miley Cyrus in a typical MySpace picture pose. I.e., with exposed underwear. (Pop Crunch)

ï Eva Herzigova is definitely pregnant. You can tell because of the giant baby inside her belly. And the naked breasts, gravid with lactocity. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Also pregnant and half naked? Tori Spelling in a bikini. (Derek Hail)

ï Sophie Monk: not pregnant, also in a bikini. We've closed that circle of preg nudity. Time to move on now. (F-listed)

ï Naked WWE Divas will have you putting a chokehold on . . . the steering wheel in heavy traffic! Hahaha, what did you think we were going to say? "Your penis"? Actually, that would have been good too. (Cityrag)

ï Rob Lowe's former employees made whoopie in his bed! (The Blemish)

ï Celebs without makeup! LOL! Har de har! Oh, look at Kate Bosworth! Everyone! It's Kate Bosworth without makeup! Let's all point and laugh, because she looks totally, uh, actually she still looks perfect. (Daily Stab)

ï Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis to finally tie the knot. Hopefully she can get on his dental plan now. (PopCrunch)

ï Move over, crabs in Paris Hilton's pubes! Hilary Duff has a scorpion in her pants! Beat that! (Evil Beet)

ï Is Maria Sharapova lobbing it into Camilla Belle? Oh, the intrigue! (Fatback)

ï Toni Braxton is in the hospital. Unbreak her busted heart sac. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Naomi Campbell got banned. Banned like 2 Live Crew. Banned like slap bracelets in 1994. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Even when you take away her hand-held communication devices and remove her from the vicinity of assistants, Naomi Campbell will come out swinging and hissing and–yes–spitting. (Yeeeah!)

ï Brandon Davis, alias "Greasy Bear", aka "Fat Elvis", is no longer anti-Firecrotch. He's decided he hates black people and gays way more. (TMZ)

ï Angelina Jolie at a nubile sixteen! Before the blood, the Brad, the Billy Bob, the babies there was . . . really unflattering 1990s bathing suits with curious sheer cut-outs? (Egotastic)

ï Mena Suvari's crapper is delectable in a thong. Do we mean "butt" or "toilet"? Click here to find out the shocking answer! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Anne Hathaway's boyfriend was arrested for bouncing a $250,000 check. Aw, that could happen to anyone. Oh, wait, we though that said "$2.50 check". (Celeb Warship)

ï Who wears assless shorts? Gisele Bundchen wears assless shorts. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï I got fingered by Megan Fox (and it felt like a kiss). (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Lucky Kristen Bell gets to pose on the cover of Cosmopolitan next to the blurb "When Your Boobs Act Weird". (Daily Stab)

ï Jerry Seinfeld flipped his car. He's OK though, so we can all have a hearty guffaw or whatever. (Holy Taco)

ï Cameron Diaz is looking very Amazonian in GQ. (Bitten and Bound)

ï Tom Cruise takes Suri to the playground. Not to play, though. To have a series discussion about SPs and OC Clears. (A Socialite's Life)

"Naomi Campbell was admitted to hospital [Monday night] to have a small cyst removed. Following the successful procedure, she is now resting and is looking forward to getting back to work. She would like to thank he doctors who have kindly looked after her."

And after the surgery was over, she grabbed the cyst and beat two nurses to death with it.