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Gimme More, Indeed

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:48:12 +0000

Picture it. October 2007. Pope Benedict is sworn in as the head God dude. South Africa wins the rugby World Cup. Mac OS X Leopard is launched. And the whole world fell in love with a little song called "Gimme More" by a woman named Britney Spears, who at that time was mostly known as the funny lady in the pink wig who fed cigarettes to her babies and singlehandedly kept Dinty Moore and Dolly Madison in business. "Gimme More" launched Britney's comeback into pop relevance and relative sanity, and the video featured our gal as an oily-weaved pole dancer who didn't really show anything. Well today, apropos of nothing (maybe dragging Circus tour ticket sales), uncensored outtake stills from the video shoot leaked, and looky. Britney's boobs. With temporary tattoos of roses on the nipples. We suppose we'll put them under a cut for your work safety, unless of course you work for a company that produces temporary tattoos of roses meant for semi-obscuring nipples. In which case, good going man, you've finally hit the big time.

The Dutchess Is the Butchess

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 18 May 2009 17:39:11 +0000

Remember when Fergie peed her pants? Man, those were salad days for us. We got a lot of mileage out of that one. But hey, maybe it wasn't urine. Maybe it was a torrent of watery lady batter brought on by lust for the lesbian touch. In the upcoming video for a new Black Eyed Peas song called "I've Got a Feeling", Fergie gets to feeling some other ladies, and told the Sun:

"Put it this way, Iíve experimented definitely, but I have never had a steady girlfriend."

God, she is just so edgy and in my face. What's she gonna do next–get her tongue pierced and then stick it out and make devil horns with her hand for some pictures? Because that would really freak out the squares.

Boy Don't Try To Front, She Knows Just Just What You Are-Are-Are

Agent E. — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:48:45 +0000

Have we mentioned yet that the new Britney song is kind of awesome? Well, it is. And if you’re pointing and laughing and asking if our iPod contains nothing but Linkin Park and Evanescence, just drop it. Listen to the damn song and try to say it sucks. You can’t do it. You just can’t. It’s catchier than the $5 footlong jingle, and way less annoying. Plus, Britney looks hot in the video. Seriously, truly 1999 level hot. As far as we can remember, the last time Britney looked this good was the “Slave 4 U” video, which makes sense, as “Womanizer” uses some of the same tricks that video did. Stringy-yet-sexy (not at all weave-y) blonde hair? Check. Hot, steamy room? Check. Britney’s skin looking soft and flawless under a sheen of glistening sweat? Check. Only this time Brit’s totally naked. Sure, she’s strategically covering up the good parts, but we can still see the amazing transformation she’s made, body-wise. Oh, and we love the red wig. We almost think Brit should keep that thing on full time. She would look sleek and awesome, and it would save her so much time. You do not want to know how much time that girl wastes every day trying to free her fingers when they get stuck in her weave.

Britney Spears always looks hot at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Minnillo Licks the Vanillo

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:00:20 +0000

ï Vanessa Minnillo fellates a PInkberry spoon. (F-listed)

ï Can't lose that last stubborn five pounds? Get gastric band surgery! Courtney Love did. (Yeeeah!)

ï Pics from Britney Spears's new video for "Womanizer". Lots o' wigs, and not a batty pink one amongst them. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Madonna bans Sarah Palin from attending her shows. Because Sarah Palin is a really huge fan of Breathless Mahoney and the video for "Justify My Love". (Daily Stab)

ï Miley Cyrus makes out with Minnie Mouse. Because that's just how she rolls, man. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï David Duchovny and his heat-seeking wang released back onto an unsuspecting pubic. Public. (IDLYITW)

ï Lauren Bacall calls Tom Cruise "vulgar", "sick", "ridiculous", and "a maniac". You forgot "short", Betty. (Exposay)

ï Nick Nolte's house burned down, and NO, it wasn't because he dropped a doob onto the bed, jerk. (PopCrunch)

ï Pete Doherty wants to perform in a rat-filled coffin. When asked for comment, rats said, "Ew, disgusting." (NME)

ï A party at the Playboy Mansion inspires Anna Faris to greater heights of promiscuity. (Mr. Skin)

ï Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But not forgetting the nipple patches. Damn you, Kristen Bell. (Don't Link This)

Hayden Panettiere Sings Song; Wears Shoes

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:08:50 +0000

Three apples high actress Hayden Panettiere is following in the footsteps of Jenny McCarthy today and posing for a series of ads for Candie’s–the shoes that complement Charlie! perfume and your “I Can’t Believe I Ate the WHOLE Thing” tee. Unlike Jenny, Hayden didn’t pose on the crapper, though Candies does continue its trend of having cute blondes do unattractive stuff in hope that it will impel you to buy their shoes. In addition to the “teen pregnancy” (it’s hot!) shot at top left, Hayden’s also doing the Jessica Simpson fly-catching pose, but fear not–there’s also “mounting a mic stand” and “j/o with a microphone” to balance it all out.

Furthermore, Hayden did a cover of Paris Hilton’s classic “Stars are Blind” and shot a video for it. So it’s not a cover, sure, but it sounds just like it. The best part of the video is when Hayden puts on a blunt black wig and morphs into Tina Yothers!

Get hot for Hayden at MrSkin.com.

Britney Spears and Madonna To Get Sticky & Sweet

Agent E. — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:50:10 +0000

There are some dreams that just won't die. And Madonna and Britney Spears slamming clams is one of them. Every couple of months there's a new sensational story claiming that any moment now the world's two favorite flaxen pop stars will be once again cramming their tongues down each other's throats. For a couple days now we've been hearing rumblings about Brit filming a video to be part of Madge's Sticky & Sweet tour (perhaps you've heard about the tour; it's gotten a little bit of press thanks to those unfortunate incidents involving Madonna, divorce, A-Rod, and her brother's tell-all. What a timely coincidence). And now The Sun has the supposed details:

The pairís sexy shenanigans will be broadcast to the crowd on Madgeís upcoming world tour via 20ft screens.

They will perform a mash-up of Madge track Beat Goes On and Britneyís Piece Of Me, while they are unwrapped from costumes that can only be described as bondage mummy.

The pop duo will be wrapped in BANDAGES which will then be unravelled by leather thong-clad male dancers in scenes that would put even RUSSELL BRANDís moral compass in a spin.

An on-set source revealed: ìItís absolutely classic Madonna. Probably the raunchiest stuff she has ever done. It leaves nothing to the imagination and will be very controversial.

ìBritney and Madonna are unwrapped like mummies, to appear together almost naked apart from tiny leather bondage pants and knee-high boots.

ìThey then dance closely together, pressing their hands and bodies together.

ìThere will be big rows over whether it is sexy, shocking or both.î

Britney has been filming scenes at a Hollywood studio and was snapped leaving a nearby hair salon looking more spruced up than she has for ages.

We don't think Madonna has all that much raunch left in her. She's a month away from fifty. Sure, she's still hot and well preserved by space-age substances, but she's pretty much a granny. Maybe her new "raunchy" phase will include embroidering Kleenex cozies with cock and balls.

Madonna. Naked. MrSkin.com. Go.

And they've got vintage Brit too.

Britney To Frolic with Different Kind of Pussy

Agent E. — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:55:58 +0000

Generally when a parent puts their out-of-control daughter on lock down, they monitor the company the little angel keeps, set up outings to the malt shop with the local equestrian club or a troupe of young Jane Austen enthusiasts to set her on the path to righteousness. Not Britney Spears's dad; he says, "Have fun hanging out with the Pussycat Dolls, honey. Don't forget to wear some panties!" According to Access Hollywood:

Britney Spears is making a cameo in a new video by the Pussycat Dolls, Access Hollywood has learned.

A source close to the five piece girl group confirmed the news exclusively to Access.

ìShe is doing a cameo in their new video shoot today,î the source said.

Spears was spotted in Burbank earlier today, where the Pussycat Dolls are shooting a music video for ìWhen I Grow Up,î the first single from their second, as yet untitled album.

Spears once joined the Pussycat Dolls on stage at a performance for her older brother Bryanís birthday.

The Pussycat Dollsí new record was executive produced by Timbaland and features appearances from Gnarls Barkley singer Cee-Lo Green and Sean Garrity.

At first we were horrified by the prospect of a Britney/Pussycat Dolls collaboration, but we're starting to come around. In fact, we might even think it's an inspired choice. Because, really, what better way to make Brit look feminine than to put her next to a bunch of testes tuckers? She will seem a girly beauty once again, despite evidence to the contrary.

Britney dances it up at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Rhys Is in Pieces

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:09:45 +0000

ï Sienna Miller finally cuts loose her improbably-named, leonine lover Rhys Ifans. (CeleBuzz)

ï Angry whelp Miley Cyrus wrecks equipment on the set of her new video. "Grrrr! I'm so mad! Like a bear! Grrr! Like a fluffy bear! With a bow around its neck! Grrr . . . awwww." (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Minnillo dressed as cheerleaders, Carmen Electra in jazzercise gear. You're welcome, pre-verts. (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï The fetus is out there. And by "there" we mean in Gillian Anderson's womb. (F-Listed)

ï Oh yeah, Charlie Sheen married Brooke Whatsherguts last weekend. We didn't report on it because it didn't involve insulting Denise Richards. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Lily Allen's hair is pink, her face is green, and her liver is pickled yellow. Fun drunk shots! Luv u Lily. (Derek Hail)

ï Astley Tisdale: prepare for mass RickRollage. (The Blemish)

ï Vanity Fair is in deep shit for implying that Gina Gershon let Bill Clinton's presidential peen into her Oval Office. Crystal Connors, NO! (Defamer)

ï Eva Longoria is sporting what appears to be an inflated pregnancy rack, highlighted by the most burnt sienna of tan-spackle. (D-listed)

Jennifer Lopez: Career Killer

Agent E. — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:45:10 +0000

The video for "Jenny from the Block" was a lot of things. A pretty awesome jam. Where we learned that it takes hard work to cash checks. A good place to ogle Jennifer Lopez's ass and bare stomach. The downfall of Ben Affleck. Wait, what? Entertainmentwise reports:

Ben Affleck credits starring in then-fiancee Jennifer Lopezís Jenny From The Block video with nearly ruining his career.

The actor ñ who began dating the Latina singer in 2002 ñ featured prominently in the promo, and at one point is seen rubbing sun tan lotion onto Lopez's bottom.

The couple's high-profile romance went on to provoke a tabloid backlash, culminating in the 2003 box office flop Gigli.

And the actor is now convinced that bringing his personal life into the spotlight was damaging to his career.

He says, "If I have a big regret, it was doing the music video. But that happened years ago. I've moved on."

But Affleck insists he isn't blaming Lopez for his career nosedive: "It not only makes me look like a petulant fool (to blame Lopez), but it surely qualifies as ungentlemanly? For the record, did she hurt my career? No."

The pair became engaged in 2002 but called off their relationship in 2003.

True, Ben Affleck's career had some high points before the video and some low points after it, but let's just take a look at some of Fleck's credits prior to "Jenny from the Block": Armageddon. Forces of Nature. Dogma. Reindeer Games. Bounce. Changing Lanes. Sure, J.Lo can shoulder some of the responsibility for Gigli and Jersey Girl and even Paycheck, but the rest were all you, old boy. Once a shitty-movie-maker always a shitty-movie-maker. Ain't no broad gonna change that.

Before "Jenny from the Block" Jennifer Lopez got naked. Peep it at MrSkin.com.

Scarlett Johansson's "Falling Down" Video Will Have You Falling Asleep

Agent E. — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:50:55 +0000

What can we say about Scarlett Johansson’s first music video? There are no bright colors to shock your not-fully-awake brain. Um, what else? She obviously made this song for a love of the music, because no one in their right mind would think it’s going to be the next “Best of Both Worlds.” The only time you could use the word “hit” in conjunction with the song is when you’re talking about how your head hit the desk after you fell asleep from boredom. But, hey, for that one person out there whose biggest wish in life is to witness ScarJo’s pre-photo-shoot makeup ritual, get out your best ceremonial dagger because your life is complete and it’s finally hari kari time. Otherwise, there’s not much to recommend, unless you have the stamina to make it all the way to the end, where you will be rewarded with Salman Rushdie nuzzling Scarlett’s neck. Why? Because Norman Mailer is dead.

Scarlett Johansson doesn’t sing at MrSkin.com, but she does flash boob.