Mischa Barton seemed to have trouble orienting herself at the G- star after-party at the Bowery Hotel. Barton — who recently attributed an involuntary hospitalization to wisdom-teeth complications — stumbled up to the check-in table with a posse of eight. “She kept saying, in a really spacey, weird British accent, ‘Like, I’m with the deejay. I totally know the deejay. I’m here for the deejay,’ ” laughs our spy. “She was slurring her words.” After being let in, we’re told that Barton “needed to be escorted to the deejay booth” where she proceeded to “stand for about an hour, dancing in her own world. I don’t think her eyes were open to full capacity — or even half capacity — the whole time she was there.”

See, this isn’t funny. It’s sad. In trying to find a picture for this post, we Googled “Mischa Barton drunk,” and some of the images that came up were just sad. This is not a lady who likes to engage in a tipple and then go about her day. This is a lady who needs some help. God, between this and Burt Reynolds going to rehab, we’re just totally bummed out. We don’t want to live a in post-Swayze world; it’s full of dark and depressing things.

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Elle Macpherson, the Aussie supermodel and former Sports Illustrated cover girl, is helping take the heat off Barton and her much-publicized breakdown last month.

According to an on-set source, producers of “The Beautiful Life” series on CW aren’t worried about Barton’s antics or her nearly two-week stint in rehab. It’s Macpherson’s lack of acting chops that has them worried.

“In comparison, Mischa is a dream come true for producers because she has experience” with three seasons of “The ‘O.C.,” says the source, who adds: “The real problem with ‘The Beautiful Life’ is definitely the acting now, not Mischa’s emotional state.”

Continues the insider, “All the models need to be taught how to act, but the main focus is Elle, because she has one of the biggest roles.”

Saturday night, Barton was spotted “having a disastrous dinner” with a group of girls at Sant Ambroeus in the West Village. “She was upset and talking frantically into her phone about having a stalker,” said our spy. “Her friends were trying to console her, but she went outside and chain-smoked cigarettes.” Sunday night, she wore an unflattering tight black dress to the Cooper Square Hotel for the Carrera Summer Escape party, where someone spilled a drink on her.

Unflattering? Unflattering? Tell that to our friend Alluxa down at the bus station. She picked up that little number at Divine Clubwear on S. 76th and ended up making two hundred bucks that night. Now that’s an investment. Eat your heart out, recession.

Mischa Barton was so high on coke following a marathon three-day bender that friends called cops afraid she would kill herself, sources have told The Post.

A source close to Barton said, "She's in very bad shape. She's running out of money and can't find love, so now she is looking for a good time to escape her misery. She is on a downward spiral. She is a mess. She is a suicidal, uninsurable mess."

Christ, that's sad. Almost as sad as that one episode of Empty Nest when dog went missing. Oh, Dreyfuss, you zany pooch! We love you even if you are a handful!

On Wednesday, Access broke the news that authorities had responded to the Los Angeles home of the starlet after receiving a non-911 call from her residence around 3 PM. A patrol car responded to the scene and began assisting Barton with a ìmedical issue,î a spokesperson for the LAPD confirmed to Access on Wednesday evening.

The source claimed that Barton was placed under Section 5150 of the California Welfare and Institutions Code by police and transported to Cedars-Sinai.

A rep for the actress confirmed to Access that Barton will not attend the world premiere of her new film, ìHomecoming,î which happens Thursday night in New York City, but released no further details on the star.

Frankly, after watching this clip from Mischa’s upcoming CW series The Beautiful Life, we’re not surprised someone called the cops on her. The BAD ACTING cops! AHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, touchÈ! CelebNewsWire, you are too droll!

'After sitting with a few pals at her VIP table she dragged her friend Bridget into the loos.

'They tried to go into the toilet cubicle together but they were stopped by the toilet attendant.

'The lady said to her, "What are you doing? You are not allowed to go in together, you have to come out now."

'Mischa looked really p***ed off and embarrassed but her friend was fine about it.'

Despite a long queue, Mischa then decided to go into another cubicle alone – but her night didn't get any better.

She apparently took so long that the attendant was forced to check if she was feeling okay.

An onlooker said: 'She took so long to emerge that everyone was worried about her.

'At one point the toilet attendant had to knock on her door twice to ask if she was alright. Then her mate was knocking to check she was feeling okay.'

The source added: 'When she came out of the cubicle, she was complaining about people knocking on the door. She looked slightly worse for wear as she attempted to apply her make-up.'

See, the thing is, how can we make fun of that? Sad people make our job harder, and we don't like that. We prefer the whole, "Hey everybody, look at the girl who forgot to buy tampons" over "Hey everybody, look at the poor washed up star with a drug problem." It's much more fun being an asshole when people are stupid rather than pathetic. If only she came out of the stall with her underwear on her head. That we could make fun of.