Tag Archives: Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson’s Robot Clone
In the five amazing, genius-filled, Pulitzer-Prize-worthy years of CelebNewsWire, many stories have stood out as favorites. Cisco Adler’s low-swinging ball bag. Britney Spears’s poon parade of terror. Russell Crowe as terrorist target. But there was one sadly squandered opportunity. Though Michael Jackson wanted to build a giant laser-beam-shooting robot version of himself to police the [...]
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Michael Jackson Finally Funeralized
Good morning. It’s September 4, 2009, and Michael Jackson is still dead. Dead, and now buried. The funeral was last night, 71 days after his death. Rest in peace, you freaky little dude. The Huffington Post reports:
. . . The King of Pop was given an intimate, private version of the lavish public memorial held [...]
And the Papa Is . . . Macaulay Culkin!
Good morning. It’s August 31, 2009, and Michael Jackson is still dead. We may not be much closer to seeing his needle-happy doc brought to justice, but we are closer to finding out who Blanket’s father is. Well, at least as long as you’re really gullible and believe everything you’ve ever seen on Access Hollywood. [...]
Michael Jackson Hit by Smooth Criminal, Officially
Good morning. It’s August 25, 2009 and Michael Jackson is still dead. Not only is he dead, he was MURDERED! It’s official. His death has been ruled a homicide. The L.A. Times reports:
L.A. County coroner’s officials found lethal levels of the powerful anesthetic propofol after examining Michael Jackson’s body.
Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, told detectives . [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: 67 Hours of Labor
Rihanna’s bringing back the Gumby. You go, girl. (Yeeeah!)
Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes of All Time! Shut the door, turn off your phone, and dig into #40-31. (Mr Skin)
Lake Bell in a see-through bra for GQ. Who’s Lake Bell? Who cares! (The Blemish)
Michael Jackson’s doctor will most likely be charged with manslaughter. (TMZ)
Paris Hilton claims [...]
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Also tagged Amy Winehouse, booze, celebrity deaths, celebrity hookups, celebrity nudity, celebrity offspring, Dominic Monaghan, Evangeline Lilly, Kelis, Lake Bell, magazines, Paris Hilton, Rihanna
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Rebbie Jackson: Mother Figure. Centipede.
We've basically stopped reporting on the day-to-day poppycockery of the whole Michael Jackson death debacle because it's so confusing and weird and depressing. But there is one sane spot in the sea of cuckoo, and that's this nugget about Prince Michael, Paris, and (cringe) "Blanket" from TMZ:
Multiple sources in the Jackson family tell us even [...]
Every Bhatti Dance Now
It always amazes us that kids aren't coming out of the woodwork like termites, claiming to be the illegitimate children of dudes who were screwing their way across the globe twenty years ago. Like Tommy Lee or Jani Lane or Philip Michael Thomas. But it blows our mind even more that Michael Jackson MIGHT have [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Two in the Pinkett, One in the Stinkett
Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith claim that they porked in the car on the way to the Oscars. Billy Bob/Angelina Jolie wannabes, all. (The Blemish)
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson lesbian parody porno. 1 Night in Lilo? (Drunken Stepfather)
Crank THAT, Soulja Boy. Is that a Mr. Microphone in his drawers? Faker. (Yeeeah!)
The actual video of [...]
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Also tagged ailing celebs, Amy Winehouse, awards shows, Blake Fielder-Civil, celebrity accidents, celebrity breakups, Jada Pinkett Smith, Lindsay Lohan, movies, RenÈe Zellweger, Samantha Ronson, Soulja Boy, Will Smith
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It Was . . . MURDER!
Good morning. It's Wednesday, July 15, 2009 and Michael Jackson is still dead. Here is all the MJ news of the day.
ï Debbie Rowe and her lawyers say that she did NOT receive a $4 million "payoff" from Katherine Jackson, and that she will not seek custody of Prince Michael and Paris. She'll just [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Botox Not Nice for Weisz
Jenna Fischer is engaged. And not to you. Suckerrrrr. (Fatback)
Rachel Weisz wants a Botox ban for actors. Easy for you to say, Miss Prettyface Pretty of Prettytown. What about the rest of us Buseys? (Amy Grindhouse)
Large-eared, fame-starved dermatologist Arnold Klein says he didn’t father Michael Jackson’s kids. Maybe. Probably not. Not to [...]
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Also tagged Britney Spears, celeb engagements/weddings, celebrity nudity, celebrity offspring, celebrity pregnancies, Jenna Fischer, Kendra Wilkinson, Kristen Stewart, Lady Gaga, Lily Allen, magazines, Natalie Imbruglia, Prince Harry, Rachel Weisz, Robert Pattinson
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