CelebNewsWire» Matthew Perry Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: "I Just Crave Nicotine Sometimes"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 17:30:18 +0000

ï Hayden Panettiere continues to blaze a flouncy, lace-trimmed trail straight to Saucytown. (Egotastic!)

ï Amy Winehouse celebrates Christmas early by hanging sparkling white ornaments amongst the branches of her nose hair. (Yeeeah!)

ï Hey, look! It's BeyonkadonkcÈ. (Derek Hail)

ï Vanessa Minnillo's bikini bottoms are intelligent, as they wisely creep up her cheek cleave and allow us to rejoice. Huzzah! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï When Perry Met Sally. (Celebitchy)

ï Dennis Quaid's newborn twins get a leg up on all the other celebrity babies by ODing. That was mean, sorry. (The Blemish)

ï Headline of the day: "Nicole Richie's Pooch Pee Plea". (Female First)

ï British model/reality star Sophie Anderton will charge you $20K to allow you to snort cocaine off her bewbs and then make the love with her. (Fatback and Collards)

ï Ashlee Simpson has secrets. Smoky, smoky secrets. (Allie Is Wired)

CNW Junk Drawer: Matt n' Mandy, Sittin' in a Tree

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 17:48:03 +0000

ï Is our sweet angel Mandy Moore getting Binged? Oh Christ, NO! (Yeeeah!)

ï Our favorite opiate connoisseur, Porky Petey Dough-erty, has returned to form. Now with video! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï And Pete's ex, Kate Moss, sports some really sharp needles of her own. (Taxi Driver)

ï Jerry O'Connell has hot wife; poor self-esteem. (The Blemish)

ï Famous nipples met flash, and a beautiful friendship was borned unto us. (Cityrag)

ï Leelee Sobieski is packin' mad mammage. (Daily Stab)

ï Jessica Simpson navigates metal grate in stilettos. Hilarity ensues. (Egotastic!)

ï Eva Mendes shills for Campari. Up next, CelebNewsWire promotes Alize and Blue Nun! (Derek Hail)

ï Rihanna and Josh Hartnett are doin' it: their babies will be large of forehead and beady of eye. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Which is causing poor Shia the Beef to marinate himself in a nice vodka rub. (PopCrunch)

ï Rebecca De Mornay? No, Rebecca Dui Mornay. (TMZ)

Perry and Davis Do Not Combine into a Cute Hybrid. Matthew and Kristin Are Doomed.

Agent E. — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 17:48:29 +0000

We understand that a wholly uninteresting schlub like Matthew Perry can leverage his Friends millions to weasel his way into the bedrooms of stars of Coyote Ugly or Gilmore Girls, but we would have thought that a star of Sex and the City would have been immune to his one alluring quality. But Kristin Davis has proven us wrong. Maybe she really admired his turn as the tortured suicidal rich boy on that one episode of 90210.

In the two years since the very merciful death of Friends, Matthew Perry has managed to . . . uh . . . let's see . . . he guest starred on Scrubs for an episode. Maybe he took up golf. Or tennis. Or learned to knit. He probably has a very clean and orderly home. And, granted, Kristin Davis hasn't been up to much in those same two years since the end of SatC, unless you count pandering to the kiddies with The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D and The Shaggy Dog as setting the world ablaze with her talent. But at least she's been keeping herself busy. According to IMDB,

The couple were spotted kissing while dining at Los Angeles restaurant La Dolce Vita recently, where they shared an ice-cream and looked like a couple in love. A fellow diner tells US magazine Life & Style, "He kept his arm around her the entire time and kissed her forehead at one point." Meanwhile, a friend of Sex And The City star Davis' says, "She's really fallen for Matthew."

Maybe it's a good thing that the two have found each other. She can keep him from pitching the sitcom Chandler, in which Monica has succumbed to a horrible disease and Chandler must learn to love again–while raising two rambunctious and precocious kids, of course!–and he can advise her against accepting the role of the determined yet understanding mother who's never more than arm's length away from a box of handy wipes in the feature-length version of Everyone Poops.

Pre-kiddie-movie Kristin is at MrSkin.com.

And take a gander at Matthew at MaleStars.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Erecting a Twelve Foot Pole

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 17:28:24 +0000

ï Jennifer Aniston is moving to Chicago. We can't wait to run into her in the health and beauty aisle at Jewel!

ï Piper Perabo lowers herself to date former pill-popper/Friends friend Matthew Perry. Move over TomKat and Brangelina, here's . . . Pipthew Perrybo?

ï Our #1 deity, Mariah Carey, teams up with Snoop, shoots a video, mounts a mesa of Vuitton luggage, wears very little clothing.

ï Salma Hayek chortles when confronted with Colin Farrell's weenis. Understandable.

ï Portman pokies, redux!

ï If your daughter were Tori Spelling, wouldn't you sue her too? Just for fun?

ï K-Fed hates the Pavarotti, loves his kids and wife, raps about it in hot new tune on MySpace. This one's for the haters. Fuck the media.

ï Pink's special surprise for her husband is reportedly a "12ft pole to be erected in her dressing room". But the bigger surprise is that said pole is being erected in her pants! Because she's a man, see.

ï Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is about to undergo surgery for an "undisclosed medical condition". Lip reduction? Eyeliner tattoos? Scarfectomy?