First up, Gisele Bundchen. According to People:

Gisele Bundchen is expecting and ìecstatic,î sources tell PEOPLE. She is due early next year. Speculation has grown since pictures showing the supermodel in Brazil this week surfaced showing what seems to be a perceptible bump.

Yeah, we don't know. The above picture was supposedly taken this weekend at a Pantene event and maybe that's a "perceptible bump" in Supermodeltown, but it looks to us like you could chop tomatoes on that stomach.

Someone we can very easily imagine chopping various and sundry vegetables on his gut is Matthew McConaughey, who is expecting baby part 2 with girlfriend Camila Alves for real. He blogged:

"We have more blessed news to celebrate this Father's Day that [will] make this time next year double the fun. Levi is going to be a big brother… Camila and I are expecting our second child, bringing more life into the world, making more to live for. Viva la evolucion, naturally, and in the mean times and all time, just keep livin."

We love that McConaughey has embraced the corny catchphrase of his defining role and made it part of him. Which is more than we can say for Bronson Pinchot, who refused to do the Dance of Joy even after we offered him 2 dollars and half a pack of Chewels.

Yes! And yes! More than a few times to both. And he gets the joke when he pees on me. He laughs. He laughs his butt off! I think I am [good at changing diapers]. I could have a race-off with some other dads out there.

We've always heard that Matthew McConaughey has a pretty non-existent relationship with things such as deodorant and showers and soap. So a little bit of piss mixed in with his heady natural aroma ain't no big thing.

Matthew McConaughey was clueless about sex.

The 'Fool's Gold' star admits he had no idea about the female anatomy, despite studying numerous adult publications when he was younger, and was totally hopeless when he first got intimate with a girl.

He said: "From checking out Playboy I always thought – we still don't have a better word for it than vagina, do we? I thought it was behind the pubic hair, and it faced horizontal. You know, east/west, not south. So the first time I got to third base, man, I was hunting for a long time. I was real spooked about hunting around, so it took about an hour to find."

When you've been surrounded by gay rumors for most of your career, maybe admitting that it took you one hour to find a cooter the first time you went searching isn't the greatest idea. But this is Matthew McConaughey we're talking about. That hour probably included a few bong hits, a jam session with his drum circle, a hearty tooth brushing, and a deeply thought meditation on the nature of pubic hair. Also, way to show how old you are, dude. Pubic hair in Playboy? When was the last time that happened, 1988?

What better way to ease into the weekend than with the enlightened worldview of Matthew McConaughey, who graces the cover of Menís Journal?

In the accompanying interview, no topic is verboten, not even his awkward (and naked) arrest for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia in October 1999. Austin, Texas, police responded to a noise disturbance call and found the actor dancing naked and playing bongo drums. He was arrested for possession of marijuana and resisting arrest, but the drug charges were later dropped.

McConaughey says the night of the arrest ìwas real enjoyable until I looked up and saw someone in the house who I knew I hadnít invited.î (That would be the police.)

ì(Things became) less enjoyable when he (the police officer) was tryiní to pin me to the ground and I was fightiní back,î the magazine recounts.

That did not spoil the evening however, as there were friends to be made ó in jail. ìIt sucked when I was goiní into the jail, and once I got in jail it became enjoyable again because there were some real fun cellmates. We were singiní songs,î he said.

How would you expect MM to react to jail? Bitch and moan like some spoiled Hollywood brat? No way. If the entire world were lost to nuclear holocaust and McConaughey was the only survivor, he'd probably say, "It's cool, man. No more competition for the tasty waves, Broseph."

Jennifer Lopez completed the Nautica Malibu Triathlon in 2 hours, 23 minutes and 38.8 seconds
on Sunday.

The singer, 39, pumped her arms in the air and smiled broadly as she crossed the finish line of the swimming-running-biking event.

"Thank you guys so much," she told the crowd. "I feel really great and so glad I finished and that I made it out of the water but more amazing than that, I feel really great that we raised $127,000 for the Children's Hospital [of Los Angeles] and hopefully it'll go to good use."

Bronzed stallion/actor Matthew McConaughey also participated and finished the race in one hour, 30 minutes, 44 seconds. So not only did he beat J. Lo, time-wise, he beat her in the "hottest tits in a wet suit" category.

J Lo, nakeder, at MrSkin.com.

ï Matthew McConaughey sprung from the loins of another legendary cocksman, it seems. All right all right all riiiiiight. (Yeeeah!)

ï Focus on Madonna's crotch and achieve inner peace. (Cityrag)

ï Naked Kate Moss minus puss moss. (Mr. Skin)

ï Tara Reid is designing her own clothing line. Comes pre-scented with tequila shots and with grass stained knees! (Daily Stab)

ï Christina Ricci's nipples are so terribly sharp, they could slash tires. Or cut butternut squash. Or cut through this can. (IDLYITW)

ï As a child, Mia Tyler ate what normal 8-year-olds eat. Chicken nuggets, pizza, Fruit Wrinkles, Little Debbies, and marijuana seeds. (Celebridiot)

ï Julia Roberts in a bikini. Where's that gigantic boob melanoma? (Drunken Stepfather)

ï One snort at a time: Mackenzie Phillips got arrested for drugs. Where's Schneider when you need him. (Hollywood Grind)

ï Axl Rose wants young Kelly Osbourne to be his serpentine. He wanna hear her scream. (CelebWarship)

ï “Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.”
ï “We ended up having an epidural because, on the large contractions, the umbilical cord was being compressed. They went in and tried the vacuum. This is where I learned ó and no one tells you this ó but having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing! And I mean that as a beautiful thing. It is wild. But the vacuum didn’t work, and the doctor said, ‘C-section.’”
ï “I said, ‘Come here, little man. I saw the pecker and screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to her [Camila].’”

The one thing we think when we encounter interviews with Matthew McConaughey is, “Why can’t he be more open? He’s just so guarded.” We’re guessing the full OK! interview holds a description of what a dilated vagina looks like close up.

And just because we can, here’s the trailer for Matthew’s upcoming cinematic masterpiece Surfer, Dude. We think Matt, Woody Harrelson, and Willie Nelson probably got together one day to concoct a way to make the moviegoing experience truly special by constructing each movie ticket entirely out of weed. But someone probably pulled out the bong before this theatrical marvel could be fully planned out. What a loss.

TMZ has learned Honor Marie Warren, celebuspawn of Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, is now $1.5 million richer thanks to OK! Magazine.

We're hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other "event" — Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved.

Two-month-old Honor, we're told, is just "adorable" and the pictures, taken this week, are "so cute."

1.5 clams buys a lot of Baby Bjorns and Zwieback crackers, to be sure, but Honor Warren is actually as poor as Firecrotch Lohan circa 2006 in the race for the priciest baby pics. Our personal photo broker, Female First, says:

Matthew McConaughey has reportedly sold photos of his new son for $3 million.

The 'Fool's Gold' actor and model girlfriend Camila Alves – who welcomed Levi, their first child together, earlier this week – are said to have signed a deal with America's OK! magazine to publish the first pictures of the little boy.

What makes one baby worth twice as much as another? What does Levi have that Honor doesn't? Perhaps we should go by the parents and assume that Honor sat for her shoot, sour-faced, demanding a body double for her diaper scenes while Levi let it all hang out, even humping some sand on a beach and sharing a weed pacifier with the camera crew.

Jessica Alba shows it off at MrSkin.com.

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves welcomed their first child into the world Monday afternoon in Los Angeles. Alves gave birth to the as-yet-unnamed baby at 6:22 p.m. local time weighing 7 lb., 4 oz.

The baby was reportedly born with sweet abs, wearing Jamz. In lieu of stogies, McCon passed around an "It's a boy!' gravity bong.

UPDATE: The little dude has a name. Mac and Camila released the following statement:

"We welcome Levi Alves McConaughey into this wonderful life and look forward to living in it with him. In the mean time and all times, just keep livin'."

óMatthew David McConaughey and Camila Maria Saraiva de Araujo Alves

And now we know: What to Expect When You're Expecting does not have a chapter on not using your movie character's catchphrases in your baby's birth announcement.