According to OK! magazine, director Brett Ratner has already rejected the idea, but Lohan isn't giving up.

An insider tells the tabloid, "Lindsay is pinning her hopes on getting a remake of 'Some Like It Hot' off the ground.

"She's undaunted, but there's no script and there's no money. The only thing Lindsay has to sell is herself.

"She sees herself as the second coming of Marilyn Monroe — misunderstood, talented and in desperate need of an incredible film vehicle that will truly showcase her talents."

This is just a bad bad bad bad bad idea. First of all, Lindsay has enough problems without making Marilyn her role model. Sure, the whole affair with the president thing would be fun to reenact, but then there's that part about dying young from a drug overdose. We don't think Lindsay needs to tempt fate any more than necessary on that front. And second, Some Like It Hot is a pretty perfect movie and would be really hard to measure up to. Why not take on Marilyn's never-finished film, Something's Got to Give? She could give an incomplete piece of art a new life, plus, she'd look pretty damn hot in that skinny-dipping scene.

There are too many holes in the Keya Morgan story. Having talked with Mr. Morgan in our own interview over the phone in the summer of 2007, he spoke quickly and non-stop of his planned television documentary, of conspiracy theories into Monroe's death, and about his alleged friendships with all three Monroe husbands.

In general Mr. Morgan was a name dropper, especially when it came to those notorious for supporting the conspiracy theories involved with the story of Marilyn Monroe. However, he wove into our conversation his claim that he dated Mariah Carey and RenÈe Zellweger.

The film was supposedly made of Marilyn Monroe as a starlet. If filmed in this time period of Monroe's life, why would the feds have cared about the activities of a young starlet, considering that Marilyn Monroe had not reached the heights of fame at the time this footage was claimed to have been filmed?

"You see instantly that it's Marilyn Monroe – she has the famous mole." This is a quote by Keya Morgan, which is one of the flimsiest pieces of evidence ever presented. Just because this alleged film has a person with a mole, it's instantly Marilyn Monroe?

Essentially Morgan is claiming that this is a bootleg copy of a classified FBI film. So if an original is classified, why would the FBI allow this public brouhaha in the press and not stop this sale from taking place? Why would this film copy not be destroyed?

Are they trying to tell us that unscrupulous people make up things about celebrities? Well, golly gee, that is shocking. We must contact our local minister at once so as to secure all those liars a nice warm spot in Hell. For shame.


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Some really like it hot.

In the sordid tradition of peddling raunchy video footage of celebrities a la Paris Hilton, a long-buried sex movie of Marilyn Monroe recently hit the market, a top collector told The Post.

An illicit copy of the steamy, still-FBI-classified reel – 15 minutes of 16mm film footage in which the original blond bombshell performs oral sex on an unidentified man – was just sold to a New York businessman for $1.5 million, said Keya Morgan, the well-known memorabilia collector who discovered the film and brokered its purchase.

The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-'60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe's sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said.

The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens, said Morgan, who saw the footage.

Morgan said he discovered the film while doing research for a documentary on Monroe, after talking with a former FBI agent who told him about a confidential informant who tipped G-men to the existence of the film in the mid-'60s.

The feds eventually confiscated the original footage – but not before the informant made a copy of it, which is what was just sold by his son, Morgan said.

There are heavily redacted, declassified FBI documents talking about a "French-type" film.

They state the informant "exhibited [to agents] a motion picture which depicted deceased actress Marilyn Monroe committing a perverted act upon a unknown male," Morgan said.

The informant was with at least one mobster at the time, the documents state.

According to the documents, "Former baseball star Joseph DiMaggio in the past had offered [the informant] $25,000 for this film, it being the only one in existence, but he refused the offer.

"Source advised that [redacted name of the mole] informed them that he had obtained this film prior to the time Marilyn Monroe had achieved stardom."

Morgan said he got the deceased informant's name from the former FBI agent who tipped him off to the flick – and was floored after he found the mole's son in Washington, DC, and the man retrieved a film canister from a safe-deposit box and spooled it up.

"You see instantly that it's Marilyn Monroe – she has the famous mole," Morgan said.

"She's smiling, she's very charming, she's very radiant, but she's known for being radiant," he said. "She moves away, and then it [the footage] stops."

Last month, he brokered its sale, leading the informant's son to a wealthy New York businessman who wants to keep this unseemly part of Monroe's past buried.

"He said he's just going to lock it up," Morgan said.

"He said, 'I'm not going to make a Paris Hilton out of her. I'm not going to sell it, out of respect.'"

We wonder what Hoover's investigation into the tape consisted of. Did his operatives slip JFK a sleeping pill before bed and then steal into his chambers with a sturdy ruler, trying to match his member to the one in the film? Or did Hoover don his favorite party dress and lure RFK into a coat closet, where he then took penile photographs for comparison purposes? So many possibilities. Also, we can't wait till it is discovered that the buyer of the reel is actually Lindsay Lohan's newest paramour, and his intentions are to have LiLo recreate the clip to further prove her artistic abilities.


You may never be able to see Marilyn giving head, but you can still see her naked at MrSkin.com.

Mae West
Jane Russell
Marilyn Monroe
Dorothy Dandridge
Jayne Mansfield
Sophia Loren
Elizabeth Taylor
Brigitte Bardot
Ursula Andress
Honor Blackman
Raquel Welch
Chesty Morgan
Tura Satana
Uschi Digard
Pam Grier
Jennifer Connelly
Monica Bellucci
Rosario Dawson
Scarlett Johansson
Eva Green
Jennifer Tilly
Asia Argento
Thandie Newton
Helen Mirren
Jessica Rabbit

Seriously? Jessica fucking Rabbit? Is that the best you could do, Film Threat? Did you think to yourselves, "Man, we've exhausted all the luscious lung pillows in Hollywood. There is not one set of sweater kittens left worth ogling. Guess we better talk about some cartoon casabas"? Did Lindsay Lohan's meaty Mean Girls-era mounds not make the list due to the creepy teenage factor? Did you disregard Elizabeth Hurley because she seems like a bit of a shrew? Did Jessica Simpson get cut because you've never actually been able to watch her on film for longer than three minutes? Was there really not one single set of Hollywood hooters that you found more appealing than Jessica Rabbit's paper-and-ink pom poms?


Not content reading about those famous boobers? You're in luck, because most of these ladies have shown off their spongecakes, and you can see them at MrSkin.com.

"I've been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long," Lohan, 20, tells Elle magazine in its September issue, according to the New York Post. "Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous."
She continues, "I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did (during the Korean War), when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself. It's so amazing seeing that one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who's basically a pinup, which is what I've always aspired to be."
Even without Sen. Clinton, Lohan is confident she can handle an Iraq trip on her own. "I'm not afraid of going," she says. "My security guard is going to take me to a gun range when I get back to L.A., and I'm going to start taking shooting lessons."

We've just given you many, many things to occupy your feeble little brain (when all you think about is breasts and fart jokes, you don't need much thinkin' ability): Lindsay Lohan in a bikini on a stage all by herself, Marilyn Monroe–which instantly makes you think of milky skin and a fancy red backdrop in Playboy–Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe, and Lindsay Lohan shooting a big, powerful gun. And you're still here waiting for a joke? Man, what a loser.

Make a Lindsay pinup of your own at MrSkin.com.

And obvs Marilyn is there too.

And you guys thought Christian Slater getting tasered off a roof at a Paris Hilton jamboree was wild stuff. Early '60s Tinseltown really knew how to party! Boinking politicians/brothers, dabbling in Anton LaVey's Church of Satan, enjoying a nice highball while squirting a mixture of feces and enema fluid out of your heinie hole next to Joan Crawford . . . that's entertainment! However, Miner doesn't think that Marilyn administered her own enema the night she died, which means . . . rectal murder! Sez our anal Encyclopedia Brown:

"If she administered it, the fluid would have been absorbed as it came in. An effect of Nembutal, when it absorbs, is to render the user unconscious . . . she would have been unconscious with all this stuff running out of her before enough of it was absorbed to kill her."

Buttwater as a weapon? That would certainly put a whole new twist on the game of Clue.

And yes, you CAN see MM in the buff at MrSkin.com.