CelebNewsWire» Maria Sharapova Archives – CelebNewsWire

Is Maria Sharapova Lying Sharap-unda Camilla Belle?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:50:45 +0000

If you are a famous lady in Los Angeles, and you have a female friend, the two of you are either "frenemies" or you are "lesbians". That is the way of the Hollywood. Or, rather, that is the way of all of you fat dude sweating behind your computers, feverishly imagining Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton fighting with pool noodles or Oprah and Gayle King 69ing. The latest pair of BFFs rumored to be snatch snackers: actress Camilla Belle and tennis player Maria Sharapova. The pair recently attended a fashion show together–according to Fatback Media:

Also in attendance were Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova, who talked tennis and clothes. ìThis is my first couture show,î enthused Sharapova, while Belle raved about recently attending the Wimbledon tennis tournament in London.

We can only imagine that their furious girl-girl coupling looks a bit like Maria's Canon commercial, with Maria wielding a camera and snapping away as Camilla nakedly croons, "Ohhh, not again, Maria Sharapova!" And then Maria will groom Camilla with a furminator and give her some heartworm medication. Rooowwwr! BeHAVE!

CNW Junk Drawer: Pregnant. Pregnant in Bikini. Not Pregnant in Bikini.

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:30:38 +0000

ï Beyonce still not talking on the wedding rumors, but is she also gestating Hova Jr.? (Celebitchy)

ï Eva Herzigova is definitely pregnant. You can tell because of the giant baby inside her belly. And the naked breasts, gravid with lactocity. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Also pregnant and half naked? Tori Spelling in a bikini. (Derek Hail)

ï Sophie Monk: not pregnant, also in a bikini. We've closed that circle of preg nudity. Time to move on now. (F-listed)

ï Naked WWE Divas will have you putting a chokehold on . . . the steering wheel in heavy traffic! Hahaha, what did you think we were going to say? "Your penis"? Actually, that would have been good too. (Cityrag)

ï Rob Lowe's former employees made whoopie in his bed! (The Blemish)

ï Celebs without makeup! LOL! Har de har! Oh, look at Kate Bosworth! Everyone! It's Kate Bosworth without makeup! Let's all point and laugh, because she looks totally, uh, actually she still looks perfect. (Daily Stab)

ï Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis to finally tie the knot. Hopefully she can get on his dental plan now. (PopCrunch)

ï Move over, crabs in Paris Hilton's pubes! Hilary Duff has a scorpion in her pants! Beat that! (Evil Beet)

ï Is Maria Sharapova lobbing it into Camilla Belle? Oh, the intrigue! (Fatback)

ï Toni Braxton is in the hospital. Unbreak her busted heart sac. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Naomi Campbell got banned. Banned like 2 Live Crew. Banned like slap bracelets in 1994. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

CNW Junk Drawer: Floatation Devices

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 17:39:36 +0000

ï Pam Anderson as you've never seen her before: half naked and covered in frothy white liquid. No, wait, you've seen her like that plenty of times. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Gwen Stefani is all "I call a foul! Hand-checking!" and then blows her whistle. (Yeeeah!)

ï Maggie Gyllenhaal is part Stevie Nicks, part Vampira, part Norma Desmond in the new ads for Agent Provocateur. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Nicole Kidman cops to miscarriage and secret engagement. She should also cop to having red pubes. Admit it! Tell us the truth! (Allie Is Wired)

ï Jude Law was arrested for assaulting a photographer. Oh, come on. Jude Law? He probably just gave the man a feeble, limp-wristed slap and then adjusted his foppish ascot. (The Blemish)

ï Matt Dillon keeps unibrow; shaves down nose. (Cityrag)

ï What's that up Paris Hilton's skirt? Is it a prize? Do we win a prize? Is it bigger than a breadbox? (Drunken Stepfather)

ï And Maria Sharapova is like, "Upskirt? I'll show YOU upskirt. Fools." (Taxi Driver)

ï Spiderman takes a bride. (Celebitchy)

ï Jerry Lewis talks about a bundle of sticks. That's what he's talking about, right? (GlossLip)

ï Hate your ears? Then check out these new Britney Spears "songs"! (Derek Hail)

ï Drew Barrymore makes out with the Macintosh Man. Man, that's like Cameron Diaz necking with a Geico caveman. Or Penelope Cruz hitting the sheets with the "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell" guy. (Yes, we realize that Justin Long has done other crap besides these commercials, so cool out, man) (ONTD)

Kimbo Stewart FHM's Most Eligible Bachelorette. Must Look up Definition of "Eligible Bachelorette"

Agent E. — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 17:55:07 +0000

When you imagine which young, single, hot girl you would most like to share your dangly bits with, names like Jessica (either Alba or Biel will do) or Scarlett might come to mind. But in the FHM offices they want nothing more than to drive their collective Downtown Train into Kimbo Stewart. Hey, Joe Francis did declare her a better fuck than Tara Reid. That's something, right?

Despite the fact that FHM announced the mercy killing of its print division a couple months ago, the mag just won't go away. But we think we've figured it out: Dozens of magazine staffers, angry that they'll have to go begging for jobs in the Maxim mail room, wanted to leave their bosses with a big "F YOU, JERKHOLES" and racked their brains for hours and hours trying to come up with the perfect parting gift. Slip in a nude shot of Kathy Bates with the EIC's face superimposed on it? Personally take a crap in every issue being sent to subscribers? In the end they decided on the most subtle and least labor-intensive prospect, choosing Kimberly Stewart as their Most Eligible Bachelorette. Good one, out-of-work FHM staffers!

The rest of the list shaped up a little something like this:

1. Kimberly Stewart
2. Carmen Electra
3. Princess Beatrice
4. Sarah Harding
5. Scarlett Johansson
6. Lindsay Lohan
7. Maria Sharapova
8. Paris Hilton
9. Keeley Hazell
10. Keira Knightley
11. Ivanka Turmp
12. Nicky Hilton
13. Lydia Hearst-Shaw
14. Amanda Hearst
15. Gisele Bundchen
16. Holly Branson
17. Jenna Bush
18. Barbara Bush
19. Britney Spears
20. Kate Moss

We love the addition of Kate Moss. We think that even if she and Doperty get all legal-and-binding married she'll still pop up on these hot-n-single lists. If every single person in the world erases Pete Doherty from their memories maybe it will make him go away. Or least help him end up in prison when he gets arrested for the 48th time in a year.

You like hot and single ladies? Check out Carmen Electra at MrSkin.com and work your way down the list.

Scarlett Johansson Sexier Than Jessica Alba; Adjust Masturbation Schedule Accordingly

Agent E. — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 17:50:27 +0000

Another day, another lad mag tells you whom you should masturbate to tonight. And in what may be the upset of the century–or at least right behind that whole Crash/Brokeback Mountain thing–Scarlett Johansson is now your top masturbatory fantasy. Jessica Alba is crying into her no-nudity clause as we speak.

Not even two months ago, Ask Men compiled a list of totally hot and unobtainable women who would think that you are a gross, smelly little troll. But apparently that was not good enough for the men of America, so FHM had to step up to the plate and re-rank the world's most beautiful women, with quite a different outcome. Who are the world's top ten sexiest women, according to FHM?

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Jessica Alba
4. Jessica Simpson
5. Keira Knightley
6. Halle Berry
7. Jenny McCarthy
8. Maria Sharapova
9. Carmen Electra
10. Teri Hatcher

Most of the list is pretty expected and, we might as well say it, pedestrian. We mean, Angelina Jolie is hot? We had no fucking idea. Way to be creative, guys. But Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra were thrown in to prove that FHM readers like farts almost as much as they like tits (they are mostly fourteen, after all). And Teri Hatcher's inclusion on the list? That must mean that FHM readers are so attached to the blow-up dolls they keep stashed in their closets that they can no longer tell the difference between real human-grown flesh and a crudely whittled hunk of plastic.

Nine of those ten ladies are at MrSkin.com. Why don't you start with Scarlett and work your way down the list?