Tag Archives: Marc Anthony
Jennifer Lopez Is Fetal Overachiever, Birthing Twins
Jennifer Lopez is sick and tired of these little gringas thinking that they're better than her just because they can sing and dance and sell records and whatnot. She just accomplished the biggest feat that a woman nearing forty can accomplish: She got knocked up! And by a skeleton/corpse/zombie hybrid no less! That's really something. [...]
J. Lo Admits It
Hot on the heels of Christina Aguilera finally manning up to the fact that there is a being all up in her pelvis, Jennifer Lopez is conceding. She fought the good fight, but she simply couldn’t hold out any longer and admits insemination. The announcement came on the last night of her tour with husband/unfrozen [...]
The Magical, Mythical JLo Fetus Makes His Monthly Appearance
In the past few years the over-thirty-and-single set seems to have exalted Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez to queen-like status, standing as shining examples that you can go through a lot of shit with the Bennifer thing and the my-husband-fucked-half-of-Los-Angeles thing and come out with a good man (or zombie, whichever) by your side. And [...]
J. Lo Preg. O All Over Again
As of late, J. Lo's distinguished buns of yore have taken a backseat to young, brash, fat-keistered upstarts such as your Kardashians and your Biels. Instead of focusing on what's important–her gigantic ass–all we've been hearing about is Jen's cobwebby womb and how she thinks God will send her a baby when she's ready. God [...]
J.Lo to Replace Skeletor with Human Paramour?
Not only is Marc Anthony a scary little troll who looks like he chases down pigeons on city streets and sucks out their blood, apparently he's also "controlling" and "suffocating." Meanwhile, Ben Affleck spends afternoons in the park pushing Violet on the swings and stealing kisses with his adoring wife, all the while an enormous [...]
JLo Enrolls in L. Ron's Aliens and You: An Introduction
You might be thinking to yourself, "Why is Jennifer Lopez sharing her breath with the walking corpse she calls a husband? What purpose does he serve in her life that couldn't be fulfilled by a loyal lap dog, a really good personal assistant, and a two-inch vibrator?" We're guessing she will continue pumping him full [...]
Skeletor Is a Jealous Man
If you looked like a carved apple that had been left out in the sun or that priest who fondled our privates in 1978 and told us that Jesus would never forgive us if we told, you wouldn't want your wife kissing all over some male model. And that's exactly why Marc Anthony had to [...]
J. Lo Gets Depressed, Damns Gods of Fertility
Jennifer is sad. And for once weíre not talking about Jennifer Aniston. Rather Jennifer Lopez got bummed the fuck out when a reporter for Elle magazine asked her about Ben Affleckís new marriage and incubating spawn.
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Also tagged Ben Affleck, celebrity pregnancies, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Lopez
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J. Lo's Ass Immortalized in Oils
J. Lo's big fat ass has been the muse of many an artistic dilettante. We've seen it ensconced in the finest fashions from Milan and Paree, jiggling hypnotically in our faces via aesthetically stunning music videos, heard it praised joyously in song. But her husband Marc Anthony knows that oil paint is the greatest medium [...]
Is J. Lo Preg. O?
For years, the public has been obsessed with the size of Jennifer Lopez's ass. We marvel at it, we dissect the waxing and waning of its vastness, we dedicate VH1 shows to it. But the squaw of Anthony has been acting a little funny lately, so we finally tear our eyes away from her posterior [...]