[Madonna] is set to fly to Brazil to meet her 23-year-old boyfriend Jesus Luz’s mother and father, sparking rumours the celebrity couple are about to get engaged.

A friend of model Jesus said: “She is slightly on edge. But an engagement could be on the cards.”

Aw, this is sweet! It’ll probably go really well. They’ll have a lot to talk about. Mama Luz will be like, “Oh, Madonna! It is so good to meet you! I used to make up dance routines to ‘Hung Up” when I was in second grade!” And then Grandma Luz will come in and say, “Wow! It’s Madonna! “Live to Tell” was my prom song!” And then Great-Grandma Luz will say, “What an honor, Madonna! I dressed up like you for Halloween when I was six. Hey, can I borrow your Boniva?’

“Younger people are more adventurous. Have you met many guys my age?” she said. “They’re usually grumpy and fat and balding.”

So how young is too young?

“As long as they’re old enough to dress themselves, they’re good enough,” she told Seacrest.

Great. Madonna’s going to be dating Miley Cyrus’s little brother within the year. We can’t wait for the crazy trial, the fleeing to France, the years of exile, the Oscar no-shows, the eventual arrest in Switzerland . . . oh wait.

The young’uns like the Twitters, so if you want Madonna to notice you, follow us.

The stage for Madonna's concert in Marseille, France collapsed today, killing one person and injuring nine. The collapse occurred at the Velodrome stadium where Madonna was going to perform on July 19. We're told the roof of the stage collapsed on top of the workers.

UPDATE: A second man is now being reported as dead.

Well, at least these men died a noble death, like rescue workers pulling orphans out of a fire. Giving your life erecting a vagina-shaped stage so a lady can simulate masturbation while singing songs from the Dick Tracy movie is a commendable way to go.

"Been layin in bed all night blasting MJ music and watching videos. This is truly an epic and historical moment"

Sir Paul McCartney said:

"He was a massively talented boy man with a gentle soul."

And Madonna? She released this statement:

"I can't stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson."

Well, Michael Jackson's death did come as a bit of a shock. Almost as much of a shock as the fact that Madonna has working human tear ducts that are able to spew something besides dust, or flesh-dissolving acid. We find it hard to believe Madonna would cry for anyone. Especially not Argentina.

Two out of three judges considering the case have allegedly submitted reports recommending the adoption, while the third is said be "in complete unison with them".

A source told The Sun: "The paperwork is being typed up now".

"All recommendations are in favour of the adoption taking place. Mercy should start packing her bags. She's off to America."

We are so looking forward to the unveiling of Madonna and child in People or what have you. We're already trying to get numb to the headline "Have Mercy!" so we don't throw the magazine across the room in anger and cause dangerous paper cuts to co-workers.

After the fall, about 10 people, including 22-year-old boy toy Jesus Luz, nervously gathered around her before emergency workers arrived.

She was carried into an ambulance on a backboard and rushed to Southampton Hospital with Klein by her side. A police source said the injuries did not appear serious and she was taken to the hospital for precautionary reasons.

The Material Momís day began when she and her sons Rocco, 8, and David, 3, took a helicopter from Manhattan and landed at East Hampton airport around 2p.m. She then went straight to Kleinís compound for what should have been a relaxing day in the sun.

It's hard to feel sorry for someone who took a spill off a thoroughbred stallion at a country cottage in the Hamptons. That's like doing a fund drive for one of the Real Housewives after she was forced to buy off the rack.