CNW Junk Drawer: RARE OOP JORDAN BOOBS BREASTS JUGS EMO L@@K!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 17:29:55 +0000

Katie Holmes: putting the “tard” in “unitard”.
Penelope Cruz dons the itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow bikini, sans polka dots.
Reese was like “OMG I totes slept through the Oscar noms cuz I sooo don’t care, whateverrrrr, tee hee hee” and then Heath and Michelle were all “Oh like us too, that illegitimate baby of ours can be a real shit so we were catching some Z’s and like we got nominated and didn’t even know it cuz we are sooo coooool LOL” and then we were like, “shut up, asswipes.”
Elle MacPherson toasts her tater tots in the sun. Again. Plus bonus Kylie Minogue shots (maybe old, but those breasts look perfectly healthy and cancer-free to us).
Love is blind. Really, really, really blind: Zach Braff and Mandy Moore to wed.
Crazy, cardboard-colored, bewigged Jordan is going to update her tits, trading her 32FFs for a more “pert” pair, and selling the old ones on eBay (natch). “I’ve had them eight years now,” she says of her old pair. That’s like 48 in fake tit years.
Lisa Loeb ponies up a little bra to match the thong. Either she’s really desperate for attention or she just likes to show off her underoos. Either way, you have an erection.

The Gluteous Globes of Lisa Loeb

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 17:50:55 +0000

If you asked us to compile a list of stars about whom we'd be writing a "sexy lady" story, Lisa Loeb would be pretty far down on that list. Sandwiched somewhere between that girl from Eve's Plum and the Snapple lady, perhaps. But as it turns out, in addition to indie rock nerd glasses and the Friends hairdo, Lisa enjoys sporting one other relic from the '90s: the thong.

"But CelebNewsWire," you say, "Thongs! They are sexy! I love them so!" Hey, we're not going to mock a man for his underwear preference. Just kidding, we totally are! Thongs are corny. Only suburban girls with sepia tans and "Your boyfriend was good last night" shirts wear thongs these days. And, apparently, Lisa Loeb, who is a late 30s Jewish girl, so there goes our theory. At any rate, Lisa, for reasons unknown to us, flashed the whale tail on her new reality show, #1 Single. And although we enjoy ribbing her for parlaying one saccharine tune and a fling with Ethan Hawke into a long career, we have to admit that her 38-year-old ass is succulent, biteable, and cellulite-free. So here's to you, Lisa Loeb, you delighful little scamp, you thong-wearing lady. May you dance in our readers' dreams against a thumping Sisqo backbeat.

If thongs ain't your thing, Lisa shows a different pair of panties at MrSkin.com.

CelebNewsWire» Lisa Loeb Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: RARE OOP JORDAN BOOBS BREASTS JUGS EMO L@@K!

The Gluteous Globes of Lisa Loeb