Tag Archives: Lindsay Lohan
It Lives
All the Hollywood stylists and all the gay men couldn’t put Lindsay Lohan back together again. OK, so on the one hand, we don’t want to be the soulless curs relentlessly mocking the looks of a person who obviously has some serious problems. On the other hand, SWEET CRIPPLED CHRIST ON A COOKIE WOULD YOU [...]
Well, Balthazar Getty Has a Type
Embattled, faux-lipped firecrotch Lindsay Lohan desperately needs an image makeover. The only jobs of note she’s had recently are designing spangled pasties and tan spackle. So what better way to endear herself to the public than feeling up a known adulterer from a popular television drama? People reports:
Lindsay Lohan [was spotted] arriving at West Hollywood [...]
Lilo Uses Twitter as a Weapon
What with all her jewel burgling and pill-gargling and turdulous fashion designing, we’ve lost sight of what’s most important about Lindsay Lohan. And that’s that she’s a gifted actress and a true artist. Hahaha, just jerking your bird. It’s the fact that her palate is tuned to poon. We’re not sure if she and lover/hat [...]
Lindsay Lohan Still Stealing Stuff
You know how some people are just ridiculously audacious? The kind of people who would walk up to a little kid, snatch an ice cream cone right out of her hand, then walk away licking the delicious treat? That’s Lindsay Lohan. Only instead of stealing desserts from small children, she steals expensive, one-of-a-kind jewelry from [...]
Lindsay Lohan a Genius, Says Mommy
Lindsay Lohan’s parents have very different ideas about who exactly their daughter is. Michael thinks that Lindsay is an out-of-control pill popper in desperate need of help (and maybe a Britney-style conservatorship with Daddy at the reigns—and holding the checkbook?). While Dina thinks that Lindsay is a “genius.” Well, at least they can both agree [...]
Blame It on the Benzos
Let’s check in on Life as Delusion starring Michael Lohan, shall we? When we last left our publicity-hungry leading man, he was calling Lindsay-schtupper Sam Ronson the reincarnation of Hitler or something. Now he’s blaming his offspring’s troubles on goofballs. And we’re not talking Jim J. Bullock. Dear old dad said:
I’m going to get her [...]
LiLo + Ungaro = El Stinko
If someone asked you what Lindsay Lohan does well, what would you say? Acting? Probably not, at least not at this advanced date. Cocaine? Yeah, that’s probably the answer you’d go with. But you definitely wouldn’t say designing clothes. If you saw Lindsay’s latest line of leggings, you probably thought she was working on her [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Rubber Duckie, You’re the One
A preview of Keeley Hazell’s 2010 “Erotic” Calendar. It’s especially erotic if you like vintage vacuum cleaners and oversized novelty bath duckies. (Yeeeah!)
Karina Smirnoff would rather dance naked then wear fur. Well, good, then. Why don’t you just do that? (The Blemish)
Lindsay Lohan hand job! Oh, wait. It says Lindsay Lohan lands a job. Eh, [...]
Lindsay Goes Hissy
So Lindsay Lohan went to a fashion show and threw a fit like she was Veruca Salt or something. And, sure, it’s an interesting story, but then we think, this is Lindsay Lohan we’re talking about. Wouldn’t it be more interesting if she went to a fashion show and acted like a perfectly bred lady [...]
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Riiiiiight.
This is like those douchebags at Rainbo with the Journey t-shirts and the mustaches, right? She thinks she’s funny? Because we can’t really explain this otherwise. But no matter, we think she’s missed the mark. Because while she IS sending a very important message to the children about how to live their lives, that message [...]