“What upsets me is last week Lily Allen came out and said, ‘We’ve got to campaign against file sharing. We’re going to tell politicians to shut down kids’ internets.’ What a crying shame it is that all you can get angry or upset about is kids taking your music.

“The thing with Lily is, I think when you get your nipples out in a magazine and you’re trying to make serious political comment with the government, you’re putting yourself in a silly position.”

Lily’s response is under the cut.

Lily went out on the town in London this weekend, as she is wont to do, and ended up slipping a nip, as she is also wont to do. And then slipped the other one. Normally we’d all be jazzed that she inadvertently showed both of her yabbos, but Lily has an auxiliary third nipple so we’re only 2/3 of the way to Lily Allen topless. Basically what we’re saying is that she’s a complete prude.

• Jenna Fischer is engaged. And not to you. Suckerrrrr. (Fatback)
• Rachel Weisz wants a Botox ban for actors. Easy for you to say, Miss Prettyface Pretty of Prettytown. What about the rest of us Buseys? (Amy Grindhouse)
• Large-eared, fame-starved dermatologist Arnold Klein says he didn’t father Michael Jackson’s kids. Maybe. Probably not. Not to the best of his knowledge. Well, he did jizz into a cup once, but where that jizz went is anyone’s guess. (Hollywood Grind)
• Lily Allen topless in i-D mag. Did they airbrush out the triple nipple? (Egotastic!)
• Lady Gaga denies the world her vagina. (I Don’t Like You In That Way)
• We may be headed back to the world of the shaved head and latte IV drip. Pull it together, Britney. (Bitten and Bound)
• Kendra Wilkinson will instill the fear of bras into her child. Fear of God, fear of bras. Whatever. (Yeeeah!)
• Kristen Stewart knocked up by Robert Pattinson. Listen, movie execs. If you’re going to start rumors to sell movie tickets, start ones that won’t end with 300 irate 11-year-old girls stabbing K-Stew to death with iCarly scented pens. (Allie Is Wired)
• Mr Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes list . . . almost at the halfway mark! (Mr Skin)
• Prince Harry is “smitten” with Natalie Imbruglia. Is this the next hot dating craze? Royals and ’90s songstresses? Can’t wait until Prince Wills hooks up with Joan Osbourne. (Digital Spy)

The good stuff–the NSFW stuff–is after the cut.


Anal-yze this:

• Renee Zellweger says she wants a man like a dictionary. Long and hard? Hoo ha! (FemaleFirst)
• Lily Allen shittalks half of England. We’re in love. (Anything Hollywood)
• Megan Fox as an awkward teen. Without the awkward part. (Cityrag)
• Miss California Carrie Prejean topless pictures. She hates gays getting married, but showing boobs is a go. (Celebitchy)
• Douche crown prince Pete Wentz says that Twitter is the “highest form of narcissism”. Higher than taking webcam pictures of your tattooed dick root? (Digital Spy)
• Kiefer Sutherland will be charged with a misdemeanor. Misdemeanor headbutting. God. That sounds so badass. (The Blemish)
• Jon and Kate plus 8 plus Jon’s 23-year-old fuckbuddy. That’s a good show. (Yeeeah!)
• Ellen Pompeo his impacted feces bloating her belly. That or a baby, whatever. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
• Celebrity gossip mags for some reason feel the need to have Kirstie Alley tell the world how ashamed she is at gaining weight. (Daily Stab)
• Singer/model Cassie gets her computer hacked, nudes leaked, Twitters about it. Titters about it? Oh ho, how droll! (PopCrunch)

"BEING a nun now makes total sense. I wouldn't do it for Jesus – I would do it to see tabloid gossip people have zero to write about. 'She prays all [bleep]- ing day – what are we going to write about now?' "

We're not sure we follow the logic here. If Lily Allen became a nun she would be LESS newsworthy? We're pretty sure she'd be flashing her tits in church and always praying to "fucking baby Jesus," and that sounds pretty interesting to us. Plus, we're not sure where Lily gets the idea that a bunch of nuns would say, "Sure, join us, we'll keep you safe from the paparazzi. We don't care if you're devoted to God or not." Who does she think she is, Whoopi Goldberg?

ï Lily Allen once made out with female twins. She's a regular Steven Tyler! (Yeeeah!)

ï While you're at it, have a listen at some new leaked Lily tunes. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Dakota Fanning might be in the new Twilight movie. That one was for all our preteen readers. All none of you. (CelebWarship)

ï Amy Winehouse saved a woman from death. Which is only fair because death has saved Amy Winehouse from death many times. What? We dunno. (Bitten and Bound)

ï Marisa Miller is still in a bikini. And you're still going to click on the link and look. (The Blemish)

ï Some scuzzos are trying to extort money from John Travolta and Kelly Preston. The world is a vampire. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Much like the bustlines for which she is noted, Jennifer Love Hewitt is clingy. (Pop on the Pop)

Lily Allen accidentally sent a topless photo of herself to Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson. 'The Fear' singer confessed she mistakenly sent the saucy text message to the rocker while she was on holiday.

During Lily's interview with BBC Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles yesterday (19.01.09), Chris told her: "Ricky goes to me, 'I got this weird text the other day from Lily Allen of her topless. 'And I'm looking at it going why has she sent me that? Literally a minute later, 'beep beep… Sorry, wrong Ricky!' '"

The 23-year-old singer – who has provided backing vocals for Ricky's band – admitted there had been a mix up and went on to joke it was intended for 'Never Gonna Give You Up' singer Rick Astley. She said: "That was really embarrassing. I was completely topless. It was meant for Rick Astley!"

Oh man, if only we had a dollar for every time we sent a naked picture to "Dad" thinking it was "Dan". We'd totally have zero dollars. One confusing thing about this story though: how does one send a topless text? ASCII?