"Lindsay and Heath hit it off straight away. When she left the club she started texting him straight away and they hooked up a few times while she was still in New York. They were meeting late at night for sex. It was purely physical."

When asked about the pairing, Lindsay's much put-upon publicist, the silver-tongued Leslie Sloane Zelnick, outdid even her former "haters" quote, and said:

"This is gross. She and Heath are friends."

Notice she didn't deny the hookup. She just let us know that the the couple knows each other, and that it is gross. Imagine Lindsay and Heath in bed, limbs entwined, her Camel Light breath hot on his neck, her Mystic Tan streaked over Heath's groin, as she paws his topknot in ecstasy. "Gross" doesn't even begin to cover it, sister.

An insider says she tested positive for cocaine! ìShe admitted that it wasnít the first time she had done it while at Cirque,î an insider reveals. ìNo one can figure out whoís slipping it to her.î

Another sourceÖ claims Lindsay ìgets a buzzî by combining the diet pill Fastin with the anti-anxiety drug Xanax. ìIíll think sheíll take whatever pills they allow her,î says the source. ìItís obvious to me sheís high, because she acts loopy and canít seem to walk in a straight line!î

ìShe had a friend of hers sneak vodka in an Aquafina bottle into one of the AA meetings she goes to,î the insider says. ìShe smells like booze, and the staff does nothing about it. When theyíre not around, she tells people sheíll drink as much as she damn well pleases.î

When asked about the alleged drug use, Lindsay's silvertongued publicist, our idol, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, said in her inimitable way:

ìThis story is the result of haters and people not wanting Lindsay to succeed.î

Sloane Zelnick then said, "You don't even know me, man! Y'all don't know me! Y'all haters! Jealous-ass h8rs, dog. Let the haters hate and the players play, knowwhatimsayin? WORD," flashed her grille in a sneer, and gave us all the finger.

Lohan's cans are the drug. Check out her eye-popping cleavage at MrSkin.com.

Page Six reports:

Newly sober Lindsay Lohan is afraid that nude photos taken of her by British bad boy Calum Best have been stolen by a computer hacker and will wind up on the Internet.

Just weeks after sultry shots of Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo goofing around with kitchen knives hit the Web, underground site celebslam.com claims it has its hands on nude photos of Lindsay – and the stalker-ish site is threatening to publish them.

In what Web site owner "Nick" claims to be a G-mail chat between himself and Lohan, the starlet supposedly wrote: "All I know is that someone broke into my computer and left a file on my desktop saying he got the pictures Cal took from me naked."

Regarding the photos, Lohan's rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, told Page Six, "Anything is possible. I know nothing about it, but her lawyers have been contacted."

The much put-upon Leslie Sloane Zelnick, she is our god. Most publicists aim to make their clients look like angels, but at this point, LSZ is like, "Nude pics? Hell, anything is possible. Lindsay clubbing seals? Sure, could be. Having poop sex with Carol Channing? Entirely probable, let me check into it."

Yes, of course Lindsay Lohan is at MrSkin.com.

Oh, and according to Page Six Brit has re-hired her old publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick. There is no mess that LSZ can't clean up. She's like the Mr. Clean of celebrity image control.

Check out Brit baring her, like, soul and stuff to X17 cameras here and here.

And Britney is always sincere at MrSkin.com. Sincerely sexy.

Lindsay will sober you up at MrSkin.com.

"I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. I appreciate your well wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time."

Cheers to Ms. Zelnick for either constructing a simple, precise statement on her own or, more likely, whittling a rambling, 800-word, Blackberry-penned 4:30 A.M. note from Lindsay into a clear, concise, fully adequite statement.

Depending on who you listen to or read, Lindsay was encouraged to check into rehab by either Brandon "Oily Heir" Davis (did he confront her by saying, "You really need to get yourself in check. Get yourself some professional help. Because I care about you. And your seven foot clitoris. Firecrotch."?) or her family with the help of the crew from her new movie. They allegedly staged an intervention after her frequent absences from the set spurred them to threaten to sue her.

But honestly, we can't blame Lindsay for her substance abuse problems. She's got a dad in jail and a mom who is an enabling cougar in a miniskirt. The finger-lickin' good Dina released a statement of her own regarding her child's recovery:

"I'm so proud of her. She's really in a good place right now, spiritually and mentally. She's in an amazing, phenomenal place. She's 20 and she's solid, and she's doing what she needs to do. I don't know that many people who are that secure. It's all about her, and getting back on track. She's fine — she's amazingly fine."

Yes, when a 20-year-old checks into rehab after upwards of 600 hospitalizations and nearly getting fired from various film projects, the adjectives and phrases that immediately spring to mind are "good place, spiritually and mentally", "solid", "secure" and "amazingly fine". Dina's just mad she's losing her Bungalow bathroom visit buddy.

See La Lohan in all her prehab glory, at MrSkin.com.

LINDSAY Lohan was hospitalized with appendicitis yesterday. Her rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, said, "She is having her appendix removed. There is no drama." But sources say 20-odd friends were shuffling in and out of Lohan's apartment in L.A. on Wednesday night when she called in sick with the flu to the set of "I Know Who Killed Me" – which will halt production until she's recovered. Her visitors "were not there to bring her chicken soup," a source said. Another spy said she was continuing the "constant party she started on New Year's." While celebrating in Miami, Lohan wouldn't allow bottles of liquor near her where they could be photographed – but Page Six received eyewitness accounts of Lohan drinking vodka out of water bottles. This isn't the first time she's stopped production on a movie set due to hospitalization – she was "dehydrated" during "Georgia Rule" and "exhausted" during "Just My Luck."

We're not sure if this hospitalization denotes an increase in creativity on the part of Leslie SZ, or if it's the ultimate manifestation of her "Fuck that hogwash, that's bullshit" attitude. Did she try out every possible illness, passing by malaria and scarlet fever, testing their believability on her interns, before landing on appendicitis? Or did she just happen to have a medical dictionary on her office bookshelf, open it to a random page, and bark to her assistant, "Lindsay needs an appendectomy. Send out the press release"?

Lindsay is in perfect health at MrSkin.com.

Avert your eyes, ladies and gentlemen. Britney Spears is taking charge of her own publicity. The pop-tart turned mother-of-two's longtime flack Leslie Sloane Zelnik has been on hiatus since Labor Day, with Spears vowing she could handle the PR duties related to the birth of her second son, Sutton, on her own. (Her music rep, Sonia Muckle, is still on the job.)
Expect more classic TV moments such as Spears's interview with Matt Lauer last June, when the Today host arrived to find Kevin Federline's disheveled wife alone at her Malibu mansion in runny makeup and fake eyelashes. Of course, Sloan Zelnick may be relieved. "If Britney were my client, I would fire her," says a rival flack. "Why work with someone who clearly doesn't want to listen?"
At least Britney's first move since the split was a smart one. According to multiple sources, Spears negotiated an enviably lucrative deal for the exclusive rights to the first photos of Sutton. Although OK! magazine made a strong bid that one source says was close to $2 million (another source involved in the talks pegged it at far less), Spears turned OK! down in favor of a deal with People, who also snapped her first kid, Sean Preston, and her wedding to Federline. "That was smart," says an insider. "OK! is famous for not paying people on time."

We expect future statements that sound something like this: "Britney–Hey, y'all, that's me–is goin' on tour, y'all! And Kevvy and little SPF and little SPF2 are comin' with me. It's gonna be so much fun, and hopefully I can make enough money to pay off the landscaper, because we all know that Kevvy's little record he put out isn't even gonna cover next week's groceries. He eats a lot, y'all. But, seriously, come see me sing. It'll totally be fun." That, or she'll realize that going on tour and recapturing her former glory would involve dieting and exercising and being disciplined and she'll opt to get knocked up again in hopes that the next one is a monetarily more important girl and can capture at least $3 mil.

Revisit Britney's glory days at MrSkin.com.