Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong called it quits this weekend after a three-month romance that went public when they were spotted in Austin, Texas in mid-May, Usmagazine.com exclusively reports.

"There was no drama or ugliness ñ They just decided to end things," a source close to the couple tells Us. "There is no hatred, just sadness."

There was no drama, just ending, and there was no hatred, just sadness, and, coincidentally, there was no Dana, only Zuul. That was weak, but we used up the one ball thing in the intro. Why don't YOU try to make a joke about these two dullards, smart guy.

A witness spoke to Hudson in the bathroom at a Dolce & Gabbana event when Armstrong walked out of one of the cubicles. The source said: ìI asked her what she was doing. Kate blushed and laughed – and then Lance walked out of a stall topless!î

Clearly Kate and Lance have no idea how sexual intercourse works. Generally, when you have but a few moments to get your respective "freaks" on, taking the man's shirt off is not the first order of business.

See what Amstrong puts his Lance into. Kate's naked at MrSkin.com.

Just days after the news of her split with Owen Wilson hit the headlines, Kate Hudson hit the town with Lance Armstrong. Recent public outings between the pair fueled fresh rumors of a rebound romance for the ìFoolís Goldî actress, and some reports suggest the match has been in the works for weeks.

On Friday night, the new duo dined at Austinís Eddie Vís restaurant. ìThey came in and had dinner together, it's true,î an insider told People.

By Saturday, Kate and Lance were back for more at Hula Hut ó this time accompanied by friends and the cyclistís children, Luke, Isabelle and Grace. ìThey ordered dinner ñ tacos, burgers and fries and that sort of stuff,î a spywitness from the restaurant revealed. ìThey looked like they were having fun.î

Though the love match seemed to come out of nowhere, the Daily Mail reports itís been brewing for some time. ìKate and Lance have been dating for a couple of weeks,î said a source. ìShe thought it was funny when people were writing recently that she was engaged to Owen because the reality was that they had split again and she was secretly seeing Lance.î

As it turns out, Owen unwittingly introduced his ex to her new best beau. ì(Kate and Lance) have known each other for a while and Lance is one of Owen's good friends,î the source told the Daily Mail. ìWhen Kate was with Owen, she got to know Lance really well but they hooked up again recently at a dinner party thrown by a mutual friend and that's when the romance began. They have both been keeping it very quiet.î

It seems like Lance is making a habit out of dating Owenís exes. In 2003 the seven-time Tour de France winner started dating (and later proposed to) Sheryl Crow. Sheryl was Owenís main squeeze back in 2002.

We're sure that Lance and Kate spied each other from across the room and recognized a kindred spirit, saying to themselves, "Finally, someone who knows the pain of listening to a million stories that begin with, 'So I was playing the bongos naked . . . '" Truly a love story for the ages.


Seeing Kate naked at MrSkin.com will make your arm strong.

One of the part-eunuch biker's young daughters (he has twins) had the honor of taking a more realistic (though slightly less boobtastic) Barbie to her class for observation. Yes, daddy's lady love Ashley Olsen was recently shown and told about at the young girl's Texas school. "Celebrities do this all the time," the source said.

We can only imagine what kind of questions these adorable little moppets asked the one-time Full House star. She most likely had to go through her entire repertoire of tricks, impishly shouting "You got it, dude!" and "I'm sowwy, Uncle Jesse" before answering things like "Why do you brush your hair with a shoe?" and "You look like the man who lives under the underpass near my grandma's house" and "how come the roll-on body glitter from your makeup line turned my face into one big hive?"

ODD couple alert: Ashley Olsen has a new, older man. The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch's ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, "They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m." Armstrong has been spending more time in town since he bought a home here. Another source said, "He tried to make Tory happy when they were dating by buying a place here, but she couldn't deal with him not actually living in the same city, so they broke up." Olsen's rep didn't return calls.

And The New York Daily News corroborates:

Maybe Ashley Olsen just wanted some tips on how to wear spandex well. The pint-size starlet was seen nuzzling up to Lance Armstrong on Monday night at Rose Bar. The duo arrived together just after midnight, and Ashley stopped to get a hug from a sober Owen Wilson, who "looked really good and healthy." Said our spy: "Ashley and Lance settled in and within minutes, he was whispering in her ear and she was giggling like a schoolgirl. They totally looked like they were on a date."

And speaking of Owen Wilson, NYDN also reports on his extragenital activities:

Jessica Simpson sure makes a great anti-depressant.

She and Owen Wilson have been spotted on a date in Los Angeles, according to the new issue of Star magazine.

The two dined Sunday at the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica before retiring to his Malibu home.

"He couldn't keep his hands off her," a witness tells the mag.

Apparently, sparks flew between the two Texans when they were in Austin on Oct. 16 to appear in a video with Willie Nelson.

Well, they are both known for their love of assplay. We think this one just might work!

ï We can see right through Mischa Barton.

ï And after that, she pokes out our eyeballs so that we might never see again.

ï Lance and Matt: forever putting the "ghey" in "McConaughey"!

ï Ellen Barkin would like you to know that she has fucked George Clooney. Big deal. Join the club.

ï Kelly Brook's underwear can be yours. In fact, Kelly Brook's underwear can be anybody's now.

ï Suzanne Somers wrote a new book about hormone replacement therapy being the fountain of youth. Before you go clamoring to pick up a copy and a side of progesterone, have a gander at the results. Sweet fancy Moses on a cracker!

ï Whitney Houston is legally extricating herself from Bobby Brown. Hopefully she'll get custody of a better weave. Oh yeah! We went there! That's right!

ï Heather Mills is alleging that Paul McCartney roughed her up during their marriage. Oh, please. That's like saying you got roofied by Cat Stevens. Paul McCartney? Macca? Seriously? The worst we can picture is him smoking a laced doob and giving a half-hearted slap with some organic radishes or something.

ï The wrestlers of the WWE had their way with Kevin Federline the other night. And while the pictures of K-Fed getting body-slammed in the ring are pleasant enough, we can't help but yearn for the quality WWF days of our youth and wish that Junkyard Dog and the Iron Sheik would join forces to tag-team Federline, while Lou Albano shot rubber bands from the sidelines and afterwards, Rowdy Roddy Piper would make a man out of K-Fed during a Backlot Brawl.

Could it be that Lance Armstrong has taken a break from incessantly working out with his new best friend, Matthew McConaughey – to spend time with Paris Hilton? The two showed up to the Key Club in L.A. Tuesday night to catch the band the Vacation. "They came together, they hung out and left together," said our spy. They missed Linkin Park's Chester Bennington hopping onstage with main attraction Metal Skool and belting out a few songs.

Obviously, this proves nothing, other than Paris and Lance have terrible taste in music. If Paris were really interested in Lance, she would have wowed him by pulling a full-size, assembled bicycle out of her panty-free vagina during one of the concert's intermissions.

Paris: in the buff at MrSkin.com.

Or if Lance is more your speed, head over to MaleStars.com.

Lance: So those are the things that we're supposed to get all hot in the crotch over? I just don't get it. Do you get it, Matt?
Matt: Nah, man. Let's stop wasting our time staring at a couple lumps of fat and go smoke some herb, put on our spandex, and run around the track for an hour while we smack each other's asses.
Lance: Sounds cool to me.

Enjoy more Matt and Lance dinner theater at Goldenfiddle.

And you can get your fix of both brahs at MaleStars.com.