CelebNewsWire» Kristen Bell Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Britney? Is it You?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:13:32 +0000

ï Promo pic for the new Britney Spears album is more airbrushed than a T-shirt at the county fair. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Is Lindsay Lohan on the sauce again? Does the pope shit in the woods? (Celebitchy)

ï Check it out: pictures of Harry Potter's hairy peter. (Cityrag)

ï Hugh Hefner is like a father to Kendra Wilkinson. A father who joggles her fake jugs. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Joe Jonas dumped Taylor Swift for Camilla Belle. He has a very difficult life. (Yeeeah!)

ï Scarlett Johansson on the cover of some nerd mag with glasses and big old jiggly cleavage. (The Blemish)

ï The Adrienne Bailon nude pics were faked, but that doesn't mean you can't still masturbate to them. The glass, it's always half full with us. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Kristen Bell bikini pics. Veronica Mars is out of this world! God, that was so clever!!!! (Egotastic)

ï Hugh Jackman make a tinkle in his drawers onstage. Awwww, just like Fergie! (IMDb)

CNW Junk Drawer: Minnillo Licks the Vanillo

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:00:20 +0000

ï Vanessa Minnillo fellates a PInkberry spoon. (F-listed)

ï Can't lose that last stubborn five pounds? Get gastric band surgery! Courtney Love did. (Yeeeah!)

ï Pics from Britney Spears's new video for "Womanizer". Lots o' wigs, and not a batty pink one amongst them. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Madonna bans Sarah Palin from attending her shows. Because Sarah Palin is a really huge fan of Breathless Mahoney and the video for "Justify My Love". (Daily Stab)

ï Miley Cyrus makes out with Minnie Mouse. Because that's just how she rolls, man. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï David Duchovny and his heat-seeking wang released back onto an unsuspecting pubic. Public. (IDLYITW)

ï Lauren Bacall calls Tom Cruise "vulgar", "sick", "ridiculous", and "a maniac". You forgot "short", Betty. (Exposay)

ï Nick Nolte's house burned down, and NO, it wasn't because he dropped a doob onto the bed, jerk. (PopCrunch)

ï Pete Doherty wants to perform in a rat-filled coffin. When asked for comment, rats said, "Ew, disgusting." (NME)

ï A party at the Playboy Mansion inspires Anna Faris to greater heights of promiscuity. (Mr. Skin)

ï Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But not forgetting the nipple patches. Damn you, Kristen Bell. (Don't Link This)

CNW Junk Drawer: Slip n' Slide

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:00:10 +0000

ï Marisa Miller works the runway wearing the latest in swimwear and silicone/polymer based body oil. (F-listed)

ï Ali Lohan auditions for the director of Bun Sisters 12. (Yeeeah!)

ï Rihanna is easy, breezy, beautiful, unCovered Girl. In a see-through shirt. That shows nipple ring. (The Blemish)

ï Madonna is one step away from having Waylon Flowers's hand up her ass. (Cityrag)

ï A touching, moving photo montage of Kristen Bell in her pantaloons. (Holy Taco)

ï You can't beat Jessica Simpson! No, seriously. Don't beat her; that's mean. (Daily Stab)

ï Superbad's Emma Stone is supercute. (Fatback)

ï Amanda Bynes is Nickelodeyummy in butt-stranglingly tight workout gear. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï John Mayer will be the godfather of the SimpsWentz spawn. He will teach it to land hot chicks and make the most heinous guitar faces ever. (Allie Is Wired)

Veronica Mars in Her Underdrawz

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:59:36 +0000

Anybody else donning a bra, visible panties, stranglingly tight micro mini skirt, and corsetesque type gear in a men's magazine = raunchy city. Ho town. Masturbationburg. Kristen Bell wearing all this stuff in FHM UK = darling. Precious. Sweet as pie. When Carmen Electra or whoever appears on the cover of Maxim in similar stuff, grocery stores put butcher paper over it. But when it's Kristen Bell, they put the magazine display next to the baby food. We hear that Kristen's in talks with a children's book publisher to have these photos replace the illustrations in Goodnight Moon.

See some naked flesh from Veronica Mars herself at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Still Big

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 21 May 2008 17:35:52 +0000

Jessica Simpson gives herself a breast exam. “Are they still big? Yep. Yep. Still big.” (Egotastic)
Hey, ladies. Hold on to your panties and your cocktails, because Kiefer Sutherland is single! (Derek Hail)
Tina Turner says that BeyoncÈ will never be rock n’ roll. Oh yeah? Well guess what, Tina? You’ll never be polka! Eat that! (Female First)
Shania Twain has learned an important lesson: don’t marry a straw-haired producer of bombastic rock music and live in seclusion in Europe lest straw-haired producer runs off with the manager of your Swiss chateau. Oh, that’s a story as old as the hills. When will they ever learn? (Hollywire)
Every part of Kristen Bell is adorable. Up to and including her wee booty. (The Blemish)
The Hills’s Whitney Port becomes Titney Port when she slipples nipple. (Drunken Stepfather)
And speaking of Hills douches, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get fingered. (Allie Is Wired)
Ten Toys that Made You Gay. (Cityrag)
Joss Stone explores another girl’s dental work. With her tongue. (I Don’t Like You In That Way)
Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively cavorts on beach with Penn Badgley. And one of them is wearing a bikini, but we won’t spoil it and tell you which! (F-Listed)

Kristen Bell Is Naked; Not Cute

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 05 May 2008 17:59:30 +0000

Much like Christina Aguilera's nude pool time with her hubby, and Mary-Kate Olsen running around her home in nothing but a few strategically-placed rubies, Kristen Bell enjoys going without clothing while in her domicile, and she would very much like you to know about it, along with her hatred of the term "cute". According to our gossip life coach, FemaleFirst, Kristen says,

"Cute is great but you get it a lot and you want to scratch your face off. It's like, I'm not fucking cute, you fuck. I am a woman and I am voluptuous."

Oh snap, way to drive the point home with two F-words in one sentence. Vicious! Adorably vicious. Awww. Kristen adds,

"I rarely wear clothes when I'm at home. And I love making breakfast while I'm naked. But I've got to make sure the gardener is not coming over that day!"

Oh boy, can we ever relate to that! Only replace "gardener" with "Cousin Corky with the meth" and "making breakfast naked" with "playing with our Get-Along Gang figurines naked". Oh, Montgomery Moose, you irrepressible wag!

Ring your bell to naked Kristen Bell at MrSkin.com.

For Sexing Sarah Marshall

Agent E. — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:55:47 +0000

We’re glad that Forgetting Sarah Marshall is finally coming out. Not because we’ve been camped outside of our local cineplex waiting to witness its beauteous images filling up a huge screen and our butt is really sore from the concrete. No, we’re happy because we’re really sick of hearing about already. What is it about Judd Apatow that whenever he’s involved in a movie you have to hear about every day for like a year before it’s even released? Oh, and then it will be at least half an hour too long. But whatevs. He likes hot girls, so we’re cool. It was nearly a year ago that we started hearing buzz about this movie, and roughly 99% of that buzz centered on Kristen Bell’s bikini. Which is far better than centering on Jason Segel’s Hawaiian shirts or Bill Hader’s Ken-doll hair. We were hoping that the movie would make up for slapping us in the face with a bus ad every time we walked outside by letting Kristen drop the bikini, but alas, such is not the case. So instead be appeased (but not a-peed, because that would ruin your chair) with this (very short) clip of Kristen loudly expressing her appreciation to the longhair who’s banging her.

Let Kristen ring your bell at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Stealin' Babies and Batteries

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:40:57 +0000

ï Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, married? Married? Yeah, married. Married? Yeah, married! Sheesh! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Miley Cyrus publicly apologizes for not wearing her seat belt. No seat belt is a slippery slope that leads headlong into Crotchflashtown and San Rehabton. (IMDb)

ï Emma "Hermione" Watson gets slimed by Kirsten Dunst's leftovers. (The Sun)

ï Bai Ling arrested for hamburglaring some gossip rags and a pack of batteries from an airport gift shop. Maybe she wanted to power up her G-spotter to use while gazing at herself in the fashion "What Were They Thinking?" section. (Celebitchy)

ï Oh, shut your tamalehole, J. Lo. Nobody wants to steal your dumb old crusty old babies. (The Blemish)

ï The Madamism of Hollywood. Waylon Flowers would be delighted. (Cityrag)

ï Say what you will about Kim Kardashian, that sitter of hers is A number one. (HolyTaco)

ï Amy Winehouse upgrades to Blake v. 2.0: all the creepiness none of the jail. Now with Magic-Gro Hair! (The Superficial)

ï Aguilera debuts her infink. (Daily Stab)

ï Kristen Bell gets rung! (Don't Link This)

Kristen Bell Is a Real American Hero

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 17:59:11 +0000

Kristen Bell, aka Veronica Mars, is the new hero on Heroes. We don't watch Heroes because it's for nerd virgins, not popular in-crowders like us, but we hear it somehow involves people with supernatural powers. Judging by these pictures, Veronica Mars's secret power is bikini-wearing. Wherever there is evil and injustice in the world, she just hops into a phone booth or perhaps a Panera Bread bathroom because there aren't many phone booths around in the mobile age, and changes into a bikini. Then she emerges with a mighty flourish and a "TA-DAAAAA!" and maybe does a little softshoe, and the bad guys are all, "Gee, I guess we've all learned a lesson here today," and they shuffle off to volunteer to work with autistic children or three-legged dogs.

Miss Bell gets naked and rings your ding dong at MrSkin.com.

Kristen Bell Wears Bikini, Demonstrates Madonna Truth or Dare Routine

Agent E. — Wed, 30 May 2007 17:59:47 +0000

Celebrity bikini season (summer edition) is coming into full swing right about now, yet our usual contenders are trying to kick the coke (again) or trying to look respectable so the butch prison bitches will think they're nice and not beat them into creamed corn. So it's time for a new crop to step up and strip down. Enter Veronica Mars. No. Wait. What's her name again? Kathy? Karen? Katie? Oh yeah, Kristen. Kristen Bell. If she wants us to really remember her, next time she'll forget to properly fasten her top and get caught in a Tara Reid moment. Until then she will remain Veronica Mars.

Is it wrong that when peering at the second picture we're thinking not, "Kristen Bell looks pretty good in a bikini, especially considering we're not usually attracted to elves," but, "Hey! It's Kenneth from 30 Rock! He would probably look awesome in Kristen's bikini"?

Find more of Kristen in her teeny bikini at The Blemish.

You wanna see V. Mars naked? MrSkin.com's got you covered (and Kristen uncovered).