ï A lady got kissed to deaf. Zing! What a clever play on words! (Celebitchy)

ï Tila Tequila is ready to adopt! A baby even! Not just a new weave or a maltipoo! (CelebWarship)

ï Khloe Kardashian shows her side teat-a and full seat-a for PETA. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï And Kid Rock is all "see my vest, see my vest, made of real gorilla chest." (Anything Hollywood)

ï Britney's backup dancers have to make tinkles in cups. (Pop on the Pop)

ï It's been a while since we've eyeballed Kelly Brook in her lacy undertrimmings. (Holy Taco)

ï J. Lo has a better set of twins than Max and Emme. (Derek Hail)

ï Jay Leno will be taking his chambray shirts and wind-tossed silver mane to the 10 PM slot. (Hollywire)

Christina Aguilera
- 1 large boom box that plays CDs, no alarm clock stereos
- 1 full length mirror
- 1 space heater
- 1 table just for makeup and dressing
- 2 bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne
- 3 LíOccitane vanilla-scented candles with matches
- 1 cozy blanket
- 4 black bath towels
- 1 case of Arrowhead water

Rihanna
- 1 lighted professional makeup mirror
- 2 Trish McEvoy blueberry candles
- 1 large, comfy sofa
- 24 Buffalo wings, hot sauce on the side
- 1 whole roasted chicken, spiced with jerk seasoning and cut into parts

Kid Rock
- 1 toaster
- 1 tube of ChapStick
- 1 pack of white crew socks
- 2 bottles of Grey Goose or Ketel One vodka
- 2 low fat yogurts (raspberry)
- 1 package of baby wipes

Jonas Brothers
- 8 Red Bull Sugarfree beverages, plus 6 regular Red Bulls
- 2 plastic bottles of room-temperature apple juice
- 12 bath-size towels (must be freshly laundered)
- 24 pieces of California sushi rolls
- 1 package of Oreo Double Stuff
- 6 bottles Vitaminwater (yellow, red, orange)
- 3 packages of Listerine Pocket-packs breath strips

They say you can learn a lot about a person by how they dress or how they treat their mother. We think you can learn more about a person by what they have on their rider. For example, we now know that Rihanna is cool and has great taste in food. And that Christina Aguilera needs to set a mood before she performs. And that the Jonas Brothers' rider was most likely manufactured by their publicist in a bid to seem as wholesome as their image (apple juice and Oreos? Come on) , when in reality they probably demanded German scat porn and some speedballs. And that Kid Rock has chapped lips and a dirty anus. And enjoys Eggos.

You can has Christina Aguilera nude at MrSkin.com.

Kid Rock has been arrested in Atlanta in connection with a fight at a Waffle House, according to U.S. reports. Rock, real name Robert Ritchie, and five members of his entourage were each taken into custody on a misdemeanor charge of simple battery. Police say the 36-year-old rapper/rocker stopped by a restaurant in the early hours of Sunday after his band's Atlanta show that night, and a male customer recognized a female in Rock's entourage. Words were exchanged, and a fight ensued. After cops were called, the singer's tour bus was pulled over, and he and the members of his entourage were arrested. In addition to Rock's arrest, the male customer also has been charged with a felony for allegedly smashing a window of the restaurant.

We cannot claim to know what lurks within the troubled psyche of Kid Rock. Perhaps the evening's earlier rendition of the emotional ballad "Bawitdaba" proved so impassioned that it drove him to violence. It may be that he was angry that Mary Welch Rogers had written the tune "Waffle House Family Part 1" before he had a chance to laud the chain's delicious wares in song. Or maybe the Texas Double Bacon Patty Melt was so delicious that the only possible outcome after eating it was fisticuffs.

Kid Rock claims that ex-wife Pamela Anderson lied about having a miscarriage after they had marital spat last year.

Anderson got mad when Rock delayed a visit to her on the set of her movie in Canada so he could attend a Los Angeles Lakers game, the 36-year-old singer tells Rolling Stone magazine.

"I'm like, 'Baby, I got these tickets. I'll see you on the weekend there,' and that leads into her saying, 'You don't care about me, blah blah blah,' " Rock says. "She finally comes up with this: 'I just had a miscarriage' … and hangs the phone up."

In November 2006, Anderson's then-publicist issued a statement confirming reports she had a miscarriage and asked that "everyone respect her privacy during this difficult time."

But, Rock says, when he got to Vancouver, "She's partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I'm thinking, 'That's a quick recovery from a miscarriage.' "

Rock filed for divorce from Anderson a month later, ending their four-month marriage.

Anderson's new rep didn't immediately respond for comment. But in the Rolling Stone article, the actress says: "I hope his album does well. I hope he's happy in life. We were married for four months. If he has nothing nice to say about me, then please tell him to stop talking about me."

Rock's new album, Rock N Roll Jesus, comes out next week.

And Pam, having learned a thing or two from Rosie O'Donnell and Courtney Love, has taken her voice to the blogosphere with this response:

He's bitter. It's sad to see. I don't want to battle with him. I wish him the best. I'd hate to point out habits I had a hard time with. They are personal to him and that's why we are not together. These are desperate attempts. I've moved on.

C'mon, Pam, tell us about some of Kid's bad habits. Did he leave his dirty wifebeaters on the bedroom floor every night? Did he chant "Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy" when he was climaxing? Did he spit chaw all over your expensive Persian rugs? We bet it was the chaw.


Take Pammie's side–and see her hide, among other things–at MrSkin.com.

ï Jessica Simpson brings back the Daisy Dukes. Or maybe the Dazzy Duks. Whatever. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï This is what Kid Rock bitchslapped Tommy Lee over. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Mary-Louise Parker pulls a Madonna. And we don't mean dry-humping Vanilla Ice. (The Blemish)

ï Dave Grohl says that Paris is a "total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut." In similar news, Dave Grohl claims that "bacon tastes real good" and "water is wet". (Celebitchy)

ï Christina Aguilera's baby will never go hungry. (Derek Hail)

ï Sting probably had sex with these hookers. But the question remains: did he have sex with them for ten hours straight? (IDLYITW)

ï Keira Knightley is a big fat sloppy gross lardy gigantic moo cow. (Celeb Warship)

Oh yeah, Britney. Duh. Nobody's talking about it this morning, so it totally slipped our mind. If you don't already know it's Britney, bitch, you can watch the stellar performance here. For days, maybe even weeks, we had been mentally preparing ourselves for a performance that Britney promised would be "shocking". Yet there was no voodoo sacrifice, no magical illusions, not even any simulated live sex. It was basically a rehashing of her "Slave 4 U" video but with less energy, less sweat, and everyone dressed in black instead of bright hues. We've seen more shocking–and more entertaining–performances on CSPAN.

ï Justin Timberlake is just not that into Cameron Diaz. Sound the death gong.

ï Adrianne Curry dons her new plastic breasts on the red carpet.

ï Owen Wilson will break up a lady's marriage, then refuse to commit to her. Don't you know he's loco?

ï Oh, Kid Rock. You may be an "American Badass" but you cannot beat up Tommy Lee OR a family of four.

ï And to think we were one chlamydia-riddled hookup away from Federlohan!

ï Console yourselves with more pictures of more Lohan in yet another bikini.

ï You might keep calling Rosie fat and lezboish, Donald Trump, but you know what? Your wife is naked. That's right. We said it. Naked. How you gonna get out of this one, Trump? Huh? Huh?

ï Though Donald might allow soiled Miss USA Tara Connor to pose for Playboy. Somewhere, right now, Vanessa Williams is saying, "aw HELL no."

ï Pam Anderson really classed it up for her Howard Stern appearance.

ï Leo DiCraprio has jumped on the bandwagon and adopted an African child. Well, like, she won't be coming back to America to live in his palatial homes or eat food prepared by his personal chef or be educated in the finest schools. She'll stay in her homeland and every once in a while Leo will send her a check or call her on the phone. So basically she's not getting a dad, she's getting a deadbeat dad. Nice.

"It was a big mistake, but I was in St. Tropez, I would have married the fisherman on the corner!"

"It was sunny! There was a beach! I was in a bikini! I was doing Patron shots! Tee hee!" That's a perfectly acceptable excuse, to be sure. If your name is MackEnzee-Dawn and you just flashed the nice man with the camera crew in Ft. Lauderdale with your Gamma sisters.

Pam further tried to clarify:

"I think I just got swept up and I wanted to have a family for my kids, but you remember really quickly when you get back together why you're not together. It was just a long time apart and the whole idea of having a family and knowing somebody and not having to introduce somebody new to my kids . . . We just knew each other. We both wanted a family, we both have kids. But when we were together it just wasn't a good thing. We're just two very different people."

We feel you, Pam. 100%. If only we had a nickel for every time we had four wedding ceremonies to a hygienically-challenged half weasel/half man who sings a song called "Born 2 Be a Hick" and used to perform with a rapping midget. If only.

Pam. Naked and single at MrSkin.com.

Recalling their July 29 marriage in the current December 2006 issue of the publication, rap rocker Rock growled the guests were made up of "whoever could afford to come," adding, "None of my friends were there." He later claims, "I'm not in charge of this relationship." When his new wife attempted to correct him, stating, "They're all your friends, baby…" Rock snapped, "None of my friends were there." Then, in a further exchange, the couple disputed the use of the word 'gay' when tough guy Rock, real name Robert Ritchie, insisted, "That just takes the gay meter right to the end" when asked to confirm he sang U2's "With Or Without You" to his new bride on their wedding day. Anderson attempted to correct him by saying, "That's enough with the gay word. That's not nice," but her husband glibly jokes, "It's a new word. All the kids are using it." The actress/model even threatened divorce, which she filed for last week, when her husband jokes about her animal rights work. Asked by the magazine if his wife's love for animals is making an impact, Rock jokes, "Now I shoot the deer and she saves it," which prompts angry Anderson to retort, "That's divorce right there. You shoot anything, it's over. That's in writing."

We guess the only kind of shooting Pam approves of is done with a camera lens or an enormous eggwhite cannon. Also, we're going to have to side with Kid on the whole U2 thing. Bono is pretty damn "gay." And, besides, Kid's choice of "Night Moves" by Bob Seger is way more romantic anyway.

Pam is always naked at MrSkin.com.

ï She's also dropped the lower 2 inches off those much-maligned veneers. Neiggggh!

ï J. Lo can't seem to make a baby. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that her husband is a reanimated corpse. That was mean.

ï In this crazy age of full-on spread pink Britney labia in our faces, it's kind of refreshing and titillating to see a lady in a bikini. Good on ya, Kelly Brook.

ï Rihanna, on the other hand, is taking a page from the Merry DivorcÈe and serving up lippage.

ï Britney has mysteriously pulled out of planned joint Billboard Awards hosting duties, leaving Paris to go it solo. That marks the very first time you've ever heard "Britney" and "pulled out" in the same sentence.

ï Borat blamed for the Pam Anderson-Kid Rock split. In related news, Borat causes global warming, racial profiling was Borat's idea, and Borat sold all that vodka to Mel Gibson.

ï Note to Snoop: YOU HAVE MONEY. HIRE SOMEONE TO CARRY YOUR DRUGS AND GUNS FOR YOU.