CelebNewsWire» Khloe Kardashian Archives – CelebNewsWire

Kim Kardashian Punched in the Face for Charity

Agent E. — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:34:35 +0000

We’ve got some news today that is going to make you question your entire world view. It’s going to shock you so much, you’ll end up thinking crazy shit, like the ocean is red, human hair is food, and Kevin Federline is talented. Get ready for this, folks: reality TV isn’t real! We understand if you need to retire to the nearest fainting couch. Reports Page Six:

NBA star Rashad McCants says there was nothing real about his stint on former girlfriend Khloe Kardashian’s reality show. The shooting guard said Khloe and sister Kourtney, who claimed he cheated on Khloe, “made the whole thing up.” McCants said a “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami” episode — where they were seen hacking into McCants’ voice mail and listening to suggestive phone messages apparently left for him by a female fan — was staged. He said the curvy sisters did not have his current phone number and he and Khloe “had already called it quits” in January, before the segment was even taped.

We know you’re upset about this truly unbelievable accusation, so we’ve planned a little pick me up: a story about Kim Kardashian getting punched in the face! Hey, who are we to judge what amuses you? We just report the facts. Says Popeater:

Kim Kardashian offered herself as a punching bag for charity.The reality TV starlet participated in a boxing event that benefits The Dream Foundation at the Commerce Casino in Commerce, California. Kardashian took several punches to the face and eventually lost the fight. She’s even sporting a day-after black eye from the dust-up.

Hmmm. That looks a bit more like too much of Urban Decay’s S&M shade and excessive Fabulash to us.

CNW Junk Drawer: Nice Purple Rain Font

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:55:48 +0000

Adam Lambert’s album cover has been revealed and we seriously have no idea why people keep insisting this dude is gay. (Allie Is Wired)
Matthew Broderick flubbed his lines so badly at a recent play that audiences demanded their money back. Bomp bomp ohhhhhh yeeeeahhhh chicka chick ahhhh. (Celebitchy)
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom got tattoos of each other’s initials because that’s what retards do. (Fatback)
There will be no charges filed in the Joe Francis/Brody Jenner/Jayde Nicole bar fight. The judge looked at the evidence and was like, “Yeah, these people are douches, fuck ‘em.” (Yeeeah!)
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are probably dating, which is like the 2009 version of Victoria Principal and Andy Gibb. Swooon! (The Blemish)
Brittany Murphy mistook the sounds of a humming generator for gunfire and called the cops. I mistook her lips for an inflatable raft, boarded them, and sailed away to Honah Lee. (TMZ)
Dita Von Teese got tit implants after tripping balls on acid ruined hers. (Mr. Skin)
Happy 42nd birthday, Julia Roberts! Our present to you is posting candid shots of you in a bikini. (Egotastic)
Guess that celebrity camel toe! It’s more fun than Cootie! (Cityrag)
Charlize Theron answers to “Ass-Nuts”. Thanks for stealing my future baby name, dick. (E!)
This gif. (Oh No They Didn’t)
Gisele Bundchen’s baby bumpchen suddenly got yuge! (Daily Stab)

CNW Junk Drawer: Up, Up and Away in My Dad’s Beautiful Mylar Stormchasing Balloon

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:43:18 +0000

Balloon Boy and his non-airborne brethren have a (c)rap video about avoiding “pussification”. Hey, they’re better than the Beastie Boys. (YouTube)
Balloon Boy also totally busted his fame-fellating parents by saying “You said we did this for the show.” Hahaha. (Celebitchy)
And after that, Balloon Boy barfed twice on live TV. The end. (Dlisted)
Amy Winehouse has allegedly been dating George Foreman’s son. Which son? We’re betting George. (our own personal gossip grillmaster Female First)
Vikki Blows has a naked 2010 calendar out. Vikki Blows. That’s a real pretty name. (Dirty Rotten Whore)
Jenna Fischer in a bikini. Pam, you little minx. (Mr. Skin)
Meghan McCain posts her big, bountiful, beautiful, amazing, gravity-defying, stupendous, gut-stabbingly, hair-chewingly, self-immolatingly enormous cleavage on Twitter; idiots cry “slut!” (Daily Stab)
Fergie will release her own vanity fragrance. It will smell like a meth lab and soiled culottes. (Faded Youth)
Halle Berry wore a very revealing dress to a fundraiser and she looks OK, we guess. If you like perfect faces and flawless bodies. Whatever. (Cityrag)
Jon and Kate Plus 8 has been canceled. Oh, God. We’re so sad. How will we ever live. Someone pass a goblet so we may fill it with tears. (Fatback)
Khloe Kardashian wants to get pregnant, but only if she can be “a skinny pregnant person”. Nothing says sexy like low birth weight and developmental disabilities! (The Blemish)
Jessica Simpson was offered a brain sandwich. She should have taken it. (Yeeeah!)
Why don’t you follow us on Twitter? Whaddaya, retahded or somethin’?

Khloe Kardashian Gets Fake Married

Agent E. — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:31:59 +0000

Hey everybody, Khloe Kardashian is married! Everybody send her your well wishes on a long and prosperous partnership and everlasting lov . . . wait. What’s that? She’s not really married to some dude she just met? It was a sham ceremony? You’ve got to be shitting us. But this is the dream, man. Two marginally famous people meet and three weeks later are promising their undying devotion to each other in front of friends, loved ones, and half of the staff of E! News. It just doesn’t get any better than that. But here’s the deal. It seems that Khloe’s beloved, Lamar Odom, might have half a brain (or handlers with full, functioning ones) and wanted a prenup, but since E! was playing father of the bride and paying for the whole shebang, they insisted the wedding take place on Sunday, so there wasn’t enough time to fix up all the money junk. So postnup it is. But TMZ says:

There’s talk that Sunday’s wedding might not be the real deal — it could be a non-binding ceremony. It’s common with a postnup that bride and groom would not officially tie the knot until after they sign the document. What they typically do sign before the ceremony is an acknowledgment that it’s not really an official wedding, to prevent misunderstandings down the road.

And speaking of problems … we’re told lawyers for Odom and Kardashian are already arguing and hitting road blocks.

What are those fights like? Does Khloe’s lawyer say to Lamar’s lawyer, “Malibu? But Khloe told me Lamar lived in Silver Lake. Hmmm, maybe that was the guy she was dating five weeks ago. She still gets confused. If she calls Lamar Dave once in a while, don’t be concerned.”

Kardashian Acts Like Kardashian; Media Shocked

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:51:11 +0000

Kardashians! They’re everywhere! They’re on TV. On the gossip pages. In Playboy. Hiding in the bottom of our cereal box and in our closets. Popping up in hellish nightmares, cackling amongst the flames of the river Styx. And none of us will escape any time soon, because Khloe Kardashian is marrying Los Angeles Laker Lamar Odom. Khloe. You know. The Other One. Not The Sweet-Assed one or The Pregnant One. Eonline reports:

Looks like we’ve found someone who can keep up with those Kardashians: Lamar Odom.

Khloé Kardashian and NBA beau aren’t just talking about tying the knot—they’re actually doing it…this coming Sunday! Sources confirm the date to E! News and claim that most guests (but apparently not some of his Los Angeles Lakers teammates) have already been notified over the phone, with formal invites expected to arrive later this week.

The pair met over the summer, and Khloé confirmed the romance on Sept. 4. E! News was the first to break the news of the couple’s pending engagement last week.

Aw, looks like someone needs a little attention because everyone’s fussing over Sissy’s illegitimate fetus. No matter, at least we can welcome the funniest celebrity couple nickname in quite a while: Khlodom! Excelsior!

CNW Junk Drawer: My Paris Lies Over the Ocean

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:09:59 +0000

ï Paris Hilton, in a bikini, hits the beach with her new beau, wearing Jamz. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Jenny McCarthy and Botox, sitting in a tree. (IMDb)

ï On again/off again couple Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are off again. Until the engagement rumors start, oh, in 5 hours or so. (The Blemish)

ï Katy Perry sexy in Esquire magazine. She's got big chugs and we like it. (Yeeeah!)

ï Chris Brown will not be receiving a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award, despite him being a terrific role model for children, what with the girlfriend beating and all. (Anything Hollywood)

ï It's rumored that 3 of the Kardashian sisters will get nude in Playboy. Best have a tri-fold cover to house all dat azz. (Faded Youth)

ï Anne Heche gave birth to her second son yesterday. His name is Atlas. Who gave Celestia a copy of 1001 Names for Your Newborn? (Celebitchy)

ï According to the folks at Dancing with the Stars, Denise Richards is a harridan on par with Faye Dunaway mixed with Joan Crawford mixed with Helen Lawson. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Aw. Poor James Franco. Little guy's all tuckered out. Shhh. (CelebWarship)

CNW Junk Drawer: The Forbidden Dance

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:59:47 +0000

ï Anne Hathaway wraps her legs around costar and begs "Fuck me." Well, okay. (Mr Skin)

ï A lady got kissed to deaf. Zing! What a clever play on words! (Celebitchy)

ï Tila Tequila is ready to adopt! A baby even! Not just a new weave or a maltipoo! (CelebWarship)

ï Khloe Kardashian shows her side teat-a and full seat-a for PETA. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï And Kid Rock is all "see my vest, see my vest, made of real gorilla chest." (Anything Hollywood)

ï Britney's backup dancers have to make tinkles in cups. (Pop on the Pop)

ï It's been a while since we've eyeballed Kelly Brook in her lacy undertrimmings. (Holy Taco)

ï J. Lo has a better set of twins than Max and Emme. (Derek Hail)

ï Jay Leno will be taking his chambray shirts and wind-tossed silver mane to the 10 PM slot. (Hollywire)