Tag Archives: Kevin Federline
We’re Surprised His Semen Isn’t Pure Lard By Now
If you place Kevin Federline’s semen on a slide and peer at it through a microscope, you will see the mustachioed strongman from the circus, Batman, Captain “Sully” Sullenberger, Juggernaut from the X-Men, and the ‘85 Bears. His seed will not be stopped. He has two children with Shar Jackson, two with Britney Spears, and [...]
Posted in Uncategorized
Also tagged boobs, Britney Spears, celebrity pregnancies, see-through shots
1 Comment
KFat Gets KFatter
Remember when Homer Simpson got really, really fat so he could work from home? The muumuu? The drinky bird? Yeah, you know. That’s totally Kevin Federline now. Says MSNBC:
When he joins the cast of “Celebrity Fit Club,” which premieres Feb. 14, he’ll land a $100,000 payday, according to several sources familiar with Federline’s negotiations.
That [...]
Britney Is Hot Again; Kevin Is Still Fat
Here’s the thing, see. Kevin Federline is famous because he married Britney Spears. Without her he’d be begging for a job as a dishwasher at Perkins. But what happens after they split? She starts putting on some pounds and her whole life is basically ruined. Then he puts on way, way more pounds and he’s [...]
Britney Spears Just Now Realizing KFed Is Fat Loser
For too long we've been thinking of Britney Spears as a sad little Rapunzel, locked away on her tour bus, her daddy only letting her out to rake in fat wads of cash on tour dates. And that's kind of depressing. Daddy probably takes away all of her junk food too, so that when she's [...]
Britney Hates Weed; Loves Kevin. What a Dilemma.
What with her glazed expression, unkempt weave, mouthbreathingly slack jaw, and predilection for Dolly Madison products, we totally had Britney Spears pegged as a weed lover. Not so; in fact, she stopped her concert last night in Vancouver because she smelled some mary jane, and returned only to deliver a plea of pot abstinence, safe [...]
Hey, It's Kevin Faterline
Here we see former dancer and Britney Spears inseminator Kevin Federline enjoying a day out. And we were thinking maybe he should change his nickname from K-Fed to Well-Fed. Har har har har!
Posted in Uncategorized
Leave a comment
Kevin Federline to Bring Phat Style to Your Shorties
You're totally sick of plopping down hundreds of dollars on teeny little pants for you kids, am I right? They're just going to get mustard and doody all over them, so what's the point? Well, it's your lucky day. Kevin Federline is coming to the rescue! Yay Kevin Federline! Says MSNBC:
Why is Kevin Federline breaking [...]
Posted in Uncategorized
Leave a comment
KFed to Brit: Take the Babies, Leave the Cash
We have to admit, Kevin Federline has balls (and if we were to imagine them, which, ew, they would probably be either reminiscent of Cisco Adler or the size of seedless grapes). He's already banking pretty heavily off of his two younger, more loved children, and now he wants even more money to let them [...]
Kevin Federline Is Exactly the Jagbag We Always Thought He Was
Just over two years ago, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline broke up and all your assumptions about the world were shot to hell. Britney's the crazy one? Kevin's the responsible one? A court thinks he is capable of raising their babies even though he's never actually held a job? Huh? And since then Kevin's image [...]
Britney Admits that Marrying the Backup Dancer with the Sideways Ballcap Wasn't So Smart
On November 30, magic will happen. No, you will not create the ultimate Thanksgiving leftover sandwich when you put the yams between the turkey and the cranberry sauce (though that's likely to happen as well). The tell-all Britney Spears documentary called Britney: for the Record will air on MTV. And for the record, she sees [...]