CelebNewsWire» Keeley Hazell Archives – CelebNewsWire

Keeley Hazell Saves Animals with Breasts

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:30:48 +0000

PETA is probably the most reviled group of capital letters outside of NAMBLA. They do stuff that makes the most hardcore of animal activists ashamed. And the worst thing they’ve ever done is create that “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” ad campaign because none of the women are actually naked in it! I mean, sure, they’re naked, but they’ll have an arm coquettishly propped against their ham bags (totally not vegan!) or a broom or lamp or something hiding their pudendae. Leave it to British big boob lady Keeley Hazell to buck convention and actually show her gut-clutchingly awesome and huge and natural rack. And this time, the ad actually worked! We were about to leave the office to go strut around like Joe Jackson in a full-length chinchilla and then take a drive in our panda-upholstered Bentley but now we’re going to stay home to eat TVP and touch ourselves down there.

NSFW Pics after the cut.

CNW Junk Drawer: Rubber Duckie, You’re the One

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:23:41 +0000

A preview of Keeley Hazell’s 2010 “Erotic” Calendar. It’s especially erotic if you like vintage vacuum cleaners and oversized novelty bath duckies. (Yeeeah!)
Karina Smirnoff would rather dance naked then wear fur. Well, good, then. Why don’t you just do that? (The Blemish)
Lindsay Lohan hand job! Oh, wait. It says Lindsay Lohan lands a job. Eh, same diff. (Anything Hollywood)
A lady named Rosa Acosta is set to become Mrs. Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em. That’s a pretty name. (Bitten and Bound)
There’s no mistaking Gisele Bundchen’s baby bumpchen now. (Amy Grindhouse)
Kelly Brook naked, with hydrangeas covering up her mams and clam. This is supposed to sell Ralph Lauren underwear. OK. (Egotastic!)
McSteamy and Noxema Girl are going to sue over their boring naked tape. (Fatback)
Ten celebrities who took out their boob implants. (Mr Skin)
Kelly Rutherford (aka Lily Van Der Woodsen) has issued a restraining order against her husband. Just sic Chuck Bass on him. Chuck’ll scarf him to death. (Hollywood Gossip)

I Love I Love I Love My Calendar Girl

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:07:20 +0000

We thought that no annal would ever overtake our beloved Drabble calendar. Oh, what will that Norman get into next? But now there’s a Keeley Hazell 2010 calendar, so we’ll have to rethink everything. Hilarious comic parrots can’t seem to hold a candle to big, pillowy, undulating, warm, velvety natural boobs with the face of an angel hovering above them. One question: why does she look so excruciatingly beautiful and sexy and busty in every picture except December, which features a nautical full coverage bikini that would not look out of place in a Liz Claiborne perfume ad from 1988? Ha ha, screw you, December. Serves you right for having shitty turquoise as your birthstone.

UPDATE: Egad! The fine print on those pics say “2009″! Have we been duped? Internet, I thought you never lied.

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Nudie Keeley Makes Us Want a Feelie

Agent E. — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:01:35 +0000

It’s really hard to keep up with huge-hootered British biddies who drop their duds for topless photo shoots. There are just so many of them! And they’re all pretty damn hot. So pretty soon one starts to melt in another and all you see are big boobies staring at you in a winking, “‘ello, guv’ner” manner and it’s just too much to take. You can’t remember who’s who or when you last saw her sandbags. There is one exception though: Keeley Hazell. Miraculously, in a country seemingly full of gorgeous, giant-gazonga’d gals willing to get naked, Keeley stands out. If she were American, she probably would have ended up just another porn star, but she’s English, so she’s a fashion model without the fashion. Totally different and totally classy. But anyway, on with the nudes! After the cut see some truly amazing black-and-white (see, we told you she was classy) pics of Keeley Hazell nude. Sure they’re a bit out-of-focus and of unknown origin, but it’s not like that will keep you from looking.

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A Halloween Dichotomy: The Scary vs. the Slutty

Agent E. — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:18:37 +0000

There are two basic ways to approach Halloween. One, you want to scare people, or at least impress people with how elaborate/creative/over-the-top your costume is. These are the Roseanne and Dan Conner types, who answer the door holding their own bloody severed head. Or two, you want to give men boners. There are the Paris Hilton/every bimbo in Hollywood/Wet Seal shopper types who stuff themselves into some get-up from Frederick's of Hollywood, slap on some kitten ears, and call it a costume. We see a lot more of the latter category in the celeb-watching blogosphere. Every year we see sexy firefighter, sexy police officer, sexy bumblebee, sexy librarian, we even once saw a sexy chihuahua. But there is one glaring exception to this sexy trend: supermodel Heidi Klum. It makes sense that someone who gets paid to look incredibly hot day after day would jump at the chance to ugly it up once a year. A sort of nice reverse dress up. This year Heidi added a few extra arms to portray the Indian goddess Kali. And while we wholly appreciate Heidi embracing Halloween's campier side, sometimes we just want to see boobies. So, after the cut, get a peek at Keeley Hazell's Halloween costume. And here's a secret: It doesn't include a shirt!

Way to put the wiener in Halloween, Keeley!

Find more pics of both Heidi and Keeley at Yeeeah!

Find more nude Keeley Hazell at MrSkin.com.

Heidi Klum gives up some nip there too.

CNW Junk Drawer: Tell Me Hish Name, Doctor!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 18:25:50 +0000

ï You better vote! Or else Jessica Alba will devour your spleen. (Yeeeah!)

ï Christina Milian upskirt. No labes, plenty of moundage. (Bossip)

ï Britney Spears visits elementary school; gently lays boob on 4th grader's arm. (Cityrag)

ï Megan Fox describes herself as a "man with a vagina". (Daily Stab)

ï Diora Baird in Maxim. Thanks for photoshopping those nipples out, Maxim. We almost got turned on there for a second. (Derek Hail)

ï Heather Locklear's DUI arrest was maybe a frame job! Dun dun DUN! (Bitten and Bound)

ï Top 10 sexiest Keeley Hazell videos of all time. (Unibrow)

ï Veronica, why are you pulling my dick? ME, and Martha DUMPTRUCK? Because I can be. Get crucial, she was dialing suicide hotlines in her diapers. Holy shit, we'll CRUCIFY her! Shannen "Heather Duke" Doherty spreads her gams and holds a bottle of cider over her poon for Details. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Jessica Simpson gives good blow-up doll face. (Fatback)

Hazellnuts

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:59:58 +0000

Being Americans and all, we're not exactly sure what this Nuts magazine is all about. Going by the title, one might assume that it was a testicle fetish thing, but using our amazing powers of deduction, we can infer it's mostly about Keeley Hazell's gargantuan breasts. Thus, they should call it Chest Nuts. Or maybe Cat Fancy, that's a nice name.

Step into the cut to fill your eyes with front butt!

Weren't Keeley's yams just in last month's issue of Nuts? According to us, yes. Nuts would do better to just be an all naked Keeley magazine, every issue. Like how Bop puts out the super special Jonas Brothers editions with a pull-out poster of Kevin and an in-depth analysis of Nick's possible relationship with Miley Cyrus. Only the Keeley edition will have her posing with puppies stuffed in her cleavage and free scratch-and-sniff stickers. That will smell like tits, of course.

Get squealy for more naked Keeley at MrSkin.com.

Keeley Hazell's Gone Nuts Once Again

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:58:57 +0000

In case you were wondering what award-winning actress Keeley Hazell has been up to lately, the answer is "the usual". The usual being two gigantic, succulent skin domes filled with a milky fluid. Underneath the word "NUTS". Good luck with that whole masturbating thing!

After the cut, the boobs sans the word "splendid" over them.

"Splendid". "Bloke". "Blimey". "Footballer". "Unbelievably fit". "Chatted up". The only way this article could possibly get more English is if Keeley was covered in Weetabix and sweeping a chimney.

Need more of Keeley's wondermelons? Go to MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: She's Still Got (T)it!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:38:17 +0000

ï Elizabeth Hurley's colossal cleavage never seems to age. Baffling! (The Blemish)

ï Amy Winehouse and her imprisoned husband: they're either going to be "together forever", or she's cheating on him and will be forced to give him three million dollars. Either way, she's screwed. (Female First)

ï Tom Cruise was once Cher's bagel boy. And by that, we mean he spread his cream on her hole. Wait, no. The other way around. (Hollywood Grind)

ï 'Scuse me while I kiss this dong. Move over, Marilyn, it's the Jimi Hendrix sex tape! Does he play a right-handed vagina left-handed? Watch and find out.(I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Disney says that we won't be seeing much of Miley Cyrus in the wake of her "nude" photo "controversy". Unless she's in a full body condom with a scarlet letter on it. (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï Hulk Hogan uses suntan oil . . . to lube up daughter Brooke Hogan's crotch? Miley, what have you wrought with your suggestive posing and infectious pop grooves? The whole world's gone crazy! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Leah Remini's daughter is an asshole. (Derek Hail)

ï When John Travolta notices that his new facial hair configuration looks like two porn star landing strips, he will squeal, "Ew, get it off, get it offffff!" (Yeeeah!)

ï Keeley Hazell. Dancing. In her undies. (Holy Taco)

ï Former Full House fox Lori Loughlin joins the cast of the new improved 90210. It's like 1990 all over again. (Hollywire)

Keeley Hazell Will Make You Feely (Yourself)

Agent E. — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:55:04 +0000

We are very excited about this whole Scarlett Johansson nipple thing, honest we are, but we feel that Scarjo's sheer bazoomyness is detracting from today's other fantastically racked lady, Keeley Hazell. What's that you say? You've never heard of Keeley Hazell? Sure, she's British and her only film role to date was in Cashback, a movie few people saw, but that's really no excuse. You have no business perving on these internets if you are not willing to seek out new and exotic breasts. And, boy, has Keeley got some great ones. Mr. Skin even named hers Best Breasts of all of 2007. That means in one entire year no other naked lady was able to surpass Keeley's knockout knockers. But enough talk. You want to see those torpedoes, don't you? All right, we give in. After the cut, Keeley takes a peely.

Continue your day o' Keeley with more nude pics at Egotasitc! and her super sexy FHM spread at Hollywood Tuna.

And check out Keeley topless in Cashback at MrSkin.com.