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Tag Archives: Katie Holmes

TomKat Wants a TomTat

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been lying blissfully low lately. We’ve been so caught up in mourning Brittany Murphy and thinking about Charlie Sheen holding his wife hostage with the Cutco that we haven’t had any time to mull over TomKat’s barley-water loving. Thankfully, this item about Katie longing for a Tom tattoo popped [...]

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Tom Cruise Rents Katie’s Uterus for $75 Million

There are some jobs that are just too good to be true. Those lucky people who find circa 1964 Rolling Stones t-shirts at thrift stores and sell them on eBay for $800. Mariah Carey’s straw holder. But Katie Holmes may have the sweetest gig of all: have a kid, get $75 mil. Seems like a [...]

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Suri Cruise Just as Evil as You Would Expect

When we heard about the Jolie-Pitt children being spoiled little terrors and doing every asshole kid thing short of flinging feces on mom and dad (in which case, those would end up being some sexy, sexy feces), we thought, “No! This can’t be. They are prefect angels sent straight from Heaven to teach us about [...]

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Katie Holmes Needs Sex!

We've been assuming that Katie Holmes belongs to that ultra-rare breed known as asexualsóalong with Morrissey and Gary Colemanóand one fling with a turkey baster was enough to keep her snatch satiated for a couple of decades. But it turns out that Katie is just dying for sex. She wants it! She needs it! She [...]

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And For That, Twelve Hail L. Rons and Four Our Xenus

Katie Holmes and wee spouse Tom Cruise are just your ordinary, everyday couple. They enjoy watching their child grow. They make it a Blockbuster night. They enjoy meals together. They have spats, they make up. But only after Katie is forced to sit down in a cold dark room and compose a 1000 word essay [...]

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Like a Lohan, Touched for the 486,823rd Time

Former actress/current faux lesbian Lindsay Lohan has a lot of time on her hands these days. A LOT. Like, "I'm just here hanging with my girlfriend while she works because I'm supportive, not because I don't have a job and I ran out of money so I can't go shopping. Supportive." So it's understandable that [...]

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Tom Cruise Vacations on the Island of Dr. Moreau

We fear we're starting to suffer from the gossip version of Stockholm Syndrome. Three years ago, had we heard about Tom Cruise speaking the wrong language to a group of Brazilian reporters, we would have had many witty remarks, called Tom stupid in about six different ways, and probably worked in a joke or two [...]

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Last Night Some Famous People Won Some Things

So the SAG awards were last night. You might know them by their alternate name, the "Not Golden Globes or Oscars Awards." Some of the big winners (full list here) at the ceremony were Sean Penn, Kate Winslet, 30 Rock, Heath Ledger, and Slumdog Millionaire. And can we get some noise for Katie Holmes's nipple [...]

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Yo Holmes, You Gots the Herp II

When Katie Holmes last had an outbreak of oozing oral herpes, it was May of 2005 and she had just signed a partnership deal fallen in love with Tom Cruise. Back in those days, she thought herpes was caused by a virus and could be relieved with some Abreva and Orajel. But now it's 2008, [...]

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Suri Cruise To Have Male Overlord Competition?

Tom Cruise better ready the chloroform and a really big burlap sack and have his Scientological flunkies track down Chris Klein for a sperm sample, because Tom's son Connor wants Katie Holmes to give him a baby brother. Reports OK!:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have made it no secret that they want more children in [...]

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