Tag Archives: Kabbalah
Madonna Tries To Buy Her Own Children
See, here's the problem with rich people: If at any point in your life you have been able to think to yourself, "Gee, I'd really like for someone to paint a pride of lions turquoise, put them in tutus, and teach them to sing a L'il Wayne song" and were certain that your vast fortune [...]
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Also tagged celebrity breakups, celebrity offspring, Guy Ritchie, Madonna
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Demi and Ashton Abandon God Madonna
We know that our readers look to Hollywood visionaries for spiritual guidance, so brace yourselves for this difficult news: Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have abandoned Kabbalah. That's a hard pill to swallow, we know, but life will go on. Perhaps Heidi Montag will step up to the ridiculous-religion plate and introduce you to a [...]
How Much Is That Baby in the Window?
Wednesday afternoon everyone thought Madonna had adopted an African orphan in some sort of "I'm a bigger star than you, bitch" challenge to Angelina Jolie. But then it turned out she hadn't. She's just visiting. But she might have tried a few on for size, thought they made her butt look too fat, and returned [...]
Paris Hilton: Yes, She Really Is as Dumb as She Looks
Sometimes we feel like we should pull a Lloyd Grove and banish Paris Hilton from our life. It would open up time to investigate the idiocy of lesser celebrities, and it would save us all those trips to the free clinic. But time and again Paris proves that she is the stupidest, most vacuous, most [...]
Madonna Fights Nuclear Waste, Thwarts Russian Gangsters
Madonna plans to meditate over some water and use it to save the planet from nuclear waste. That is if she isn't kidnapped by the Russian mob first.
Sean Is the New God
It seemed that Britney Spears had all but abandoned her Letter of Truth as her main form of communication, as it had been nearly a year since her assistant/Mom put on the Britney wig and muumuu and let words flow onto the screen. But Friday was a magical day that saw Britney return to her [...]
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Also tagged Britney Spears, celebrity offspring, celebrity websites
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CNW Junk Drawer: "A Big 200 Pound Lesbian to Kick Her Ass"
ï Rosie O'Donnell challenges Naomi Campbell to a cage match, saying, "I think she needs a big 200 pound lesbian to kick her ass." Normally, our money would be on Rosie, but we hear Naomi has custom-made bedazzled boxing gloves in the shape of hand-held communication devices, so . . .
ï Natalie Portman: [...]
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Also tagged celeb engagements/weddings, celebrity catfights, celebrity pregnancies, Jason Bateman, Jerry O'Connell, Kate Beckinsale, Katie Holmes, Lindsay Lohan, Megan Mullally, movies, Naomi Campbell, Natalie Portman, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell, Scientology, Tom Cruise
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Gangsters and Ghosts and Rabbits, Oh My!
Remember how yesterday we told you that Gwyneth Paltrow might be naming her excuse for getting fat incubating baby Capone and you thought she had gone the route of Tom Cruise and was never coming back from that land where unicorns eat people and shit smells like fresh-baked cookies? Well, now she thinks ghosts are [...]
K-A-B-B-A-L-A-H I-S H-A-R-D
Britney Spears may have about a fourth-grade education and her unborn fetus is already reading The Little Engine that Could to her, but we sympathize with her lack of understanding of that Kabbalah crap. The sentences in those Kabbalah books are so much longer than the ones in US Weekly.
Madonna Proves Her (Lack of) Talent
We havenít quite finished our third cup of coffee yet, and people keep on asking us if weíve got a case of the Mondays, which really pisses us off. But we probably do look a little sad and confused this morning, as we just learned that Madonna probably didnít actually write her childrenís books. Next [...]