CNW Junk Drawer: "Be Silent and Make All Physical Movements Slow"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 17:37:55 +0000

ï Large billboards instructing Katie Holmes to make like a silent, slow-moving three-toed sloth arrive at the Cruisian birth chamber. Chilling.

ï And, according to the headline at FemaleFirst, she's about to deliver a bouncing baby iPod.

ï Pam Mamderson is getting a little long in the tooth, and realizes that it isn't proper for mature women to bare their breasts. Instead, they wear see-through shirts. How positively demure!

ï Star Jones babbles about her new boob job, Joy Behar tells her to shut her fat mouth, Star responds by calling Joy a bitch. Finally, a reason to watch The View.

ï With those new fake lips, Jessica Simpson really makes an excellent Real Doll.

ï Whoops, scratch that. Actually, Christina Aguilera makes the better inflatable hump toy.

ï Madonna learns how to . . . c'mon! Krump! Let your body move to the music! Krump! Krump! Let your body go with the flow!

ï Spawn of Affleck . . . revealed! Wait, where are its little horns, its eensy cloven feet?

Bill Paxton, Chloe Sevigny, Joy Behar, and a Blowjob

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 17:57:28 +0000

Last Wednesday, Bill Paxton and Chloe Sevigny appeared on The View to chat with the Gorgons about their polygamy-chic new HBO show, Big Love. Joy Behar asked Chloe about her infamous Brown Bunny knob-gargling scene, reportedly causing her and Paxton to "go ballistic". They also reportedly went "nut-tastic", "cocktabulous", and "scrot-o-riffic".

If you had told us a year ago that we'd have to make a new subject category for Bill Paxton, we would never have believed you, but last week we had to make one for Yanni, so there you go. When Behar casually brought up Sevigny's lewd onscreen act, the actress and Paxton played it off coolly. But when the cameras stopped rolling, the so-called ballistics began, with normally good-natured, "Nicest Guy in Hollywood" Paxton vowing to never appear on the show again. A spokesman for The View released this statement:

"Co-host Joy Behar is known for her good-natured candor, as well as her humor, and meant no disrespect."

That's right! Uh-huh! Joy Behar is totally in your face! You can't handle her truth. Y'all be h8rs. H8rs be h8in'.
At any rate, we were not aware that when an established, Oscar-nominated actress takes a role in an indie film in which she performs actual, real, open-jawed penilingus on Vincent Gallo's eBayed member, no one must ever take note of said act, nor mention it again. We will not make the same mistake as Joy Behar. No one wants to incur the wrath of Paxton.

See more of Chloe at MrSkin.com. More flesh, that is.

And for Paxton ass fans, head on over to MaleStars.com.

CelebNewsWire» Joy Behar Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: "Be Silent and Make All Physical Movements Slow"

Bill Paxton, Chloe Sevigny, Joy Behar, and a Blowjob