Katie Holmes Sings for Crash Override

Agent E. — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:46:45 +0000

You remember Eli Stone, right? It’s that show that was on after Lost, and while you were watching Lost there were roughly seven and half minutes of commercials for it, which you ignored while you sipped your beer and thought, “I really hope Benry is in the next scene.” Eli Stone. It had something to do with George Michael we think. Well, now Katie Holmes is going to be on it. And she sings. Hmmmm. She knows she doesn’t have to do that, right? Right now her only obligation is to fulfill her contract with Tom Cruise. They’ve been together for about three and half years now and she’s bore him one delightful offspring, so she’s probably already earned at least 14 million we’re guessing. So she doesn’t really need the money that half-competent warbling on a struggling TV show can bring. Unless of course she violated subclause 18, section 12, page 8. Man, oh, man, if she did that, girl is in TROUBLE and might only bring in half a mil for the duration of her marriage. That contract is tough.

Oh, that picture? It has nothing to do with Eli Stone. We just love the looks on Katie and Suri’s faces. And the fact that Suri is clinging to a little plastic spoon, as if she’s thinking of burrowing her way out of the Cruise compound little by little until she is finally free.

No Scientological contract necessary: See Katie Holmes naked at MrSkin.com.

Angelina Digs the Crazy Polyamorous Hippie Free Love

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 22 Nov 2005 17:49:32 +0000

Jonny Lee Miller. He has the same name as Jonny Cat cat litter, he used to sweep Angelina Jolie's feminine chimney within the sacred bonds of marriage, and he totally played "Zero Cool" in Hackers. If you were Jonny Lee, which of the previous three fun facts would you brag about in 2005 in a bid to appear relevant? Yeeeup, us too.

According to Life & Style magazine, Miller claims that not only did he f Angelina back in '97, when they were married covered in each other's blood (for reals), they are totes still f-ing! Big time. Big time f-ing. We hope you know what you're doing, Mr. Jonny Lee Miller, because it takes a big man to surreptitiously slip it into the sexiest woman in the world behind the back of the sexiest man in the world. A source told the mag:

"Jonny said he and Angie were still very much lovers, that they had many secret rendezvous that Brad was completely unaware of and that when Brad found out, he'd be destroyed. And Jonny didn't care. He doesn't seem to like Brad much at all."

And another source agreed:

"(Brad) wants to be everything to Angelina. He loves her. He wants to marry her. He wants to be the one she turns to when she's troubled. So he gets sad and tense when Angelina seeks solace with Jonny. He knows what Jonny means to her."

And what Jonny apparently means, is dee-eye-see-kay. Miller spit, flexed his muscles, squirted pure liquid testosterone from his ears, and said,

"Mr. Pitt has no idea who Angie really is. We love each other deeply, and Mr. Pitt, I'm sure, doesn't know how much we love each other ó or how often!"

Jonny then went on to say, "I mean often. Really, really often. She calls me day and night begging for it. And by 'it' I mean my enormous weiner. Usually I don't have time because I'm too busy tending to my stable of supermodels, international beauty pageant winners, and professional butt doubles, but sometimes I can squeeze Angie in. See, I call her Angie because we're a couple that has sexual intercourse. Often. Like, oh, I dunno, sometimes seventy-two, seventy-three times a day."
Jonny, we're going to give it to you straight, tiger. If you are a person who finds yourself experiencing the unbelievably good fortune of spelunking in the batcave of arguably the most famous and desired woman in the entire universe, you don't do anything stupid like brag about it in a magazine. By the end of this week, you'll be lucky to find yourself throwing it to the girl who was Tara Reid's stand-in from Knots.

Angelina is naked at MrSkin.com. Like, really, really, REALLY naked.

CelebNewsWire» Jonny Lee Miller Archives – CelebNewsWire

Katie Holmes Sings for Crash Override

Angelina Digs the Crazy Polyamorous Hippie Free Love