ï Lily Allen once made out with female twins. She's a regular Steven Tyler! (Yeeeah!)

ï While you're at it, have a listen at some new leaked Lily tunes. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Dakota Fanning might be in the new Twilight movie. That one was for all our preteen readers. All none of you. (CelebWarship)

ï Amy Winehouse saved a woman from death. Which is only fair because death has saved Amy Winehouse from death many times. What? We dunno. (Bitten and Bound)

ï Marisa Miller is still in a bikini. And you're still going to click on the link and look. (The Blemish)

ï Some scuzzos are trying to extort money from John Travolta and Kelly Preston. The world is a vampire. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Much like the bustlines for which she is noted, Jennifer Love Hewitt is clingy. (Pop on the Pop)

For all his successes, John Travolta has some career regrets.

Among them, turning down lead roles in "Chicago" ("I wasn't all that in to the stage show," he says) and he also says, "ëGreen Mileí I probably should have said yes to, and 'An Officer and a Gentleman'. But I gave Richard Gere and Tom Hanks a career! What you turn down can be a gift to someone else. There is enough to go around."

Travolta might have an argument with Gere, whose only really big film prior to "An Officer and a Gentleman" was "American Gigolo."

But Hanks? The "Green Mile" hit theaters in 1999. Pretty sure Hanks' career was awfully solid at that point.

No, no, no, you misunderstood him, lady. He didn't say "I gave Richard Gere and Tom Hanks a career." He said "I gave Richard Gere and Tom Hanks my rear." That makes so much more sense.

ï Amy Winehouse and her imprisoned husband: they're either going to be "together forever", or she's cheating on him and will be forced to give him three million dollars. Either way, she's screwed. (Female First)

ï Tom Cruise was once Cher's bagel boy. And by that, we mean he spread his cream on her hole. Wait, no. The other way around. (Hollywood Grind)

ï 'Scuse me while I kiss this dong. Move over, Marilyn, it's the Jimi Hendrix sex tape! Does he play a right-handed vagina left-handed? Watch and find out.(I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Disney says that we won't be seeing much of Miley Cyrus in the wake of her "nude" photo "controversy". Unless she's in a full body condom with a scarlet letter on it. (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï Hulk Hogan uses suntan oil . . . to lube up daughter Brooke Hogan's crotch? Miley, what have you wrought with your suggestive posing and infectious pop grooves? The whole world's gone crazy! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Leah Remini's daughter is an asshole. (Derek Hail)

ï When John Travolta notices that his new facial hair configuration looks like two porn star landing strips, he will squeal, "Ew, get it off, get it offffff!" (Yeeeah!)

ï Keeley Hazell. Dancing. In her undies. (Holy Taco)

ï Former Full House fox Lori Loughlin joins the cast of the new improved 90210. It's like 1990 all over again. (Hollywire)

"If you leave this room after seeing this film and walk out and never mention Scientology again, you are perfectly free to do so. It would be stupid, but you can do it. You can also dive off a bridge or blow your brains out. That is your choice."

Well, OK! Blam!

Here's what we don't get: Scientology is notorious for bleeding its followers dry financially, and for its palaces of solid gold and opulent conventions. You'd think they'd have more than $55.84 in the budget to spend on a recruitment video. The star power is impressive, but we think they'd have a better chance of converting people if they threw some CGI in there. Maybe some spaceships. An evil intergalactic overlord. And, oh, we dunno, Barry Pepper. Oh, wait, such a Scientology training video does exist; it's called Battlefield Earth!

Thereís a junkie Korean spa in Koreatown called Century Spa that no one knows about so itís cheap and fantastic. Itís also a place thatís been overrun by a slew of gay men cruising for dick in the steam room and clay room.

When we went to get Lynn a body scrub and massage the two Korean women behind the counter were unusually giddy.

ìYou will never believe who here!î

ìWho?î We asked eyes raised.

ìMr. John Travolta!î They exclaimed, exploding into giggles.

Now, why in the name of Liberace, would John Travolta be miles from his home in Korea Town at a menís spa. For their amazing service? The gorgeous showers with broken tiles?

Once we saw John we instantly ran to our locker to try and take a picture of him, but it didnít work so we have no proof. But we are telling you straight up our experience, we saw him there, and he was checking out Alexís Middle Eastern feast in the showers.

This was the wrong thing to do, and we realize that now. We should have flirted with him until he laid his hands on us and we couldíve said, ìDude, I liked you in Hairspray and all, but Iím not like that!î

That wouldíve been more hilarious than him in a fat suit.

John, look, no one goes to a Korean Spa unless they WANT to get caught. Stories about you cruising in the steam room have surfaced before so itís not a surprise.If you come out as gay, then that just makes you that much better of an actor. You fooled the American public for years, and usually you have to be the president to do that.

You silly reporters. That Korean spa is where Johnny conducts all of his meetings with scriptwriters. We hear that he always meets with potential producers at The Manhole. They serve a mean Chicago-style wiener, and Johnny loves a good wiener.

On a related note, we'd like to wish Clay Aiken a very happy 29th birthday.

ï Jennifer Garner may have allowed Ben Affleck to ejaculate into her vaginal canal during ovulation again. (FemaleFirst)

ï Angelina got more ass between juice breaks in kindergarten than you're getting now. (Bricks and Stones)

ï Victoria Beckham is aging like a fine wine–kinda sourly. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï The Lohan says that she is the protector of the family. She protects them by horfing rails. (A Socialite's Life)

ï The people of India are angry at Richard Gere after he kissed Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty in public. Hey, they were lucky he didn't greet her by pantsing her and cramming a shaved hamster up her can. (IMDb)

ï Jessica Alba, caught making out with a real dog. (MollyGood)

ï Sabrina the Teenage Ass Crack. (Taxi Driver)

ï Heather Mills fall down go boom! (Yeeeah!)

ï John Travolta equates his level of fame to that of Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. Um, try Marilu Henner or John Ratzenberger. (The Blemish)

ï Paris is scared that jail time will ruin her career. Her career consists of showing up to parties thrown by beverage companies, so we're pretty sure she'll be fine. (IDontLikeYouInThatWay)

ï Larry Birkhead cuddles his $weet little $ugarpie. (TMZ)

"As a manner of customary greeting and saying farewell, Mr. Travolta kisses both women and men whom he considers to be extremely close friends. People who are close to Mr. Travolta are aware of his customary, non-romantic gesture."

Singer further explained that Travolta's way of telling intimates "thank you" is to gently stroke their cheeks with his erect penis, and that he customarily wishes pals a merry Christmas by giving them a hearty reacharound.


Go see more of Big John at MaleStars.com.

The explanation is as simple as it is innocent: John Travolta leans in to helpfully and selflessly suck out the thetans his intergalactic man-friend contracted after being dispatched to planet Earth on a top secret Scientological specimen-gathering mission.

Michelle Rodriguez, inspired by her gal-pal's novelty T-shirt, is about to heed its advice, take the lady home, and polish her breasts. With her face.

(Please don't stab us, Michelle.)


M-Rod shows us what she's workin' wit at MrSkin.com

And ole smilin' John is showing off at MaleStars.com

Yes, it's apparent that Scientology can get you a position in the top echelon of the Hollywood elite, gobs of money, private jets named after your children (complete with you own hangar and runway), and a starring role in The Worst Movie Ever Madeô. But John Revolta's most pressing needs–a personal trainer and a mega-dose of Trimspa–seem beyond The Church of L. Ron's reach.


If you think he's sexy, and you want his body Jonh Travolta is at MaleStars.com.