John was spotted on a romantic date with actress Rashida Jones Friday night at the Chateau Marmont, Hollyscoop can confirm exclusively.
The couple was having dinner in a secluded area when John “took the guitar from someone who was performing and at the Chateau and performed an impromptu performance for Rashida.”
His audience included Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. The crowd “went wild when he performed his new song,” an eyewitness tells Hollyscoop exclusively. Mayer got such a great response from fellow diners, he even performed his hit “Your Body is a Wonderland” for Rashida.

Wow, that’s even more disgusting than a thousand TV sets playing James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” video simultaneously. It’s a good thing this date went down in Hollywood, where everyone was just going to go make themselves hurl in the bathroom after their Chateau meal anyway.

John Mayer Guitar Face: the gallery. Enjoy.

It’s not the first time Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reunited after a split, but the couple are simply “enjoying their friendship,” says a source close to the singer. “They’ve been talking for a while – they’re very friendly.”

The duo recently spent a night together late last month at New York City’s Bowery Hotel. “Jen was there on the arm of John and they were all very lovey,” says an onlooker. “She was in casual clothing as was he, and she seemed very comfortable around his crowd of friends.”

We’re betting she read his recent interview with New York Mag and fell deeply back in love. There’s nothing like a guy being a snitty little crabapple and threatening forced anal penetration to really get a girl’s juices flowing. It’s better than funky cold medina.

What do you think about health care? Would you take the public option?
Have you ever heard me play guitar? I’m really fucking good. You know what I’m bad at? Answering questions about public health care. This is not in my wheelhouse. Do you have any questions about music? I almost got a mad need to lighten up. You need to lighten up, because the questions you asked me were all troublemaking questions. If someone gave me the Nobel Peace Prize, and I didn’t deserve it, I would just shut my mouth and enjoy the hell out of it.

Which I’m sure he’s doing.
What’s he going to do, send it back? It’s like I’m getting a wrongful bulge in my pants and everyone’s thinking I’ve got a nine-inch cock. I’m not going to argue with them, I’m going to let them think I have a nine-inch cock.

These are questions my editor wanted me to ask. I’m trying to build my journalistic career here.
You’re not building a journalistic career. You’re making yourself look like a moron and you’re not a moron. Who’s your editor?

Jada.
Jada is making you sound like a moron in front of people.

How is that different? Haven’t you written a lot about heartbreak?
I think most artists do, but this is really breaking into the theme of it as a concept.

What concept?
More political things, worldly things.

Such as?
Nothing rhymed with public option.

You don’t always have to rhyme, though.
I’m going to forcefully sodomize your editor.

And here we’ve been, toiling away lo, these last five years, trying to gain some sort of respect in the gossip journalism world. And it turns out all it gets you is the threat of forced sodomy by someone who wrote a love song about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boobs. We’ll stay in our basement office typing happily on our Commodore 64s, thanks.

Which womanizing crooner has been dating a reality TV starlet for more than two years, putting her up in hotels wherever he travels for shows.

We are amazing at guessing games and thought we pretty much had this one sewn up as Tom Jones and Jill the food lady from Hoarders but weirdly enough we were mistaken. Janet Charlton now says:

We are revealing that pair to be John Mayer and “The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari! They have been hooking up secretly at a mutual friend’s house in the Mt Olympus area of the Hollywood Hills for the past two years! . . . Recently their “friends with benefits” relationship has evolved, and they are actually considering going public.

It speaks volumes about John Mayer that Kristin Cavallari is hesitant to come out and tell the world she’s dating him. She happily announced that she was banging Talan Torriero, Brody Jenner, and Sean Stewart, but John Mayer? A girl’s got to draw the line somewhere.

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JOHN Mayer could be the most narcissistic celebrity ever. An insider said, "Several years ago when he was dating Jessica Simpson, he couldn't go to her birthday party because he was on tour. So the night of her birthday she had dinner with [hairdresser] Ken Paves and a few friends. Everyone thought John would forget her birthday, but then a gift arrived from him — it was a DVD of him in concert. Jessica spent the rest of the night watching the DVD on a loop, 'being with him.' It was so sad." A rep for Mayer declined to comment.

But there's good news. (At least for you. Not so much for Jess. She's pretty much screwed.) You don't need to let John Mayer plunder your most intimate areas to have such a beautiful gift bestowed upon you. Your friends at CelebNewsWire have compiled a beautiful array of photos depicting John Mayer's guitar face for your amusement. You'll really enjoy "being with him."

Flying into Los Angeles on Thursday, Romo quickly made up for lost time with Simpson but their reunion quickly took a turn for the worse. ìThey were hanging out and he picked up her phone and she got defensive about it,î the source revealed. ìTony found messages from John and went ballistic.î

While the couple has had their fair share of rocky patches during their relationship, the idea of Simpson possibly cheating with Mayer was the straw that broke the camelís back: ìTony dumped her right then. He walked out and that was it.î

Ladies of Hollywood, what the fuck is it about John Mayer that is so irresistible? He admitted that he wears the same pair of jeans for like two months at a time. He looks like this on stage:

ï Technical difficulties. Lots of them.
ï Janet looking F-I-E-R-C-E in a 1940s get-up, like Bonnie at Clyde's funeral if Bonnie hadn't also died and then attended Clyde's funeral because he did die or something.
ï Jermaine not singing "Dynamite" and Rebbie not singing "Centipede".
ï John Mayer playing a guitar Musak instrumental "Human Nature" while making his patented "blowing a load" face.
ï Everyone on stage expressing their condolences to Michael's mom and siblings, but never his dad.
ï Maya Angelou poem. Duh, it was a somber gathering of luminaries. Of course there would be an Angelou poem.
ï Magic Johnson talking about KFC.
ï Al Sharpton implying that Michael Jackson caused Obama to be elected.
ï Brooke Shields, being the only other cracker onstage other than Mayer.
ï Usher (who was not an usher) in sunglasses singing to Michael's gilded casket which looked oddly like a chafing dish.
ï And then, a dwarf Chaz Bono took the stage and sang!
ï And then, at the very very end, when our faces hurt from chuckling at the overblown pretension of it all, when our bowels were churning uncomfortably, MJ's adorable daughter Paris took the mic and with one tearful sentence: "I Just wanted to say that ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you can ever imagine. And I just want to say I love him. So much" completely made us forget about the pompous spectacle and melted our tarry little black hearts and made us feel horrible for making all the ha-has. Paris touched us. Touched us like her dad touched . . . what? We were going to say "touched us like her dad touched the baby tiger on the Thriller cover." Jeeeeeez.

Jennifer Aniston reportedly dumped boyfriend John Mayer because of his obsession with social networking website Twitter.

The pair ended their romance earlier this month, with some reports alleging it was Mayer's decision to break up.

But, according to U.K. magazine Star, Aniston ended the relationship after discovering Mayer was spending hours posting updates on Twitter.com, despite claiming he was too busy to get in touch with her.

A source close to Aniston tells the publication, "Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didnít have time for her and yet his page was filled with updates! Every few hours, sometimes minutes, heíd update with some stupid line.

"She was like, ëHe has time for all this Twittering, but he canít send me a text, an email, make a call?í He didnít deny it. He knew he was avoiding her. So when she ended things, he just said Ok, and he was sorry it didnít work out.î

God, poor Jen. Girl just can't catch a break. First, her impossibly hunky husband leaves her for a duck-billed platypus in sexy, sexy human form and they have tons of babies together. So obviously the sound of babies is going to make her crazy. Then she seems to find a nice new boyfriend who makes her happy, only he's way too busy tweeting to pay her any attention. So now she can't even hear the gentle song of a tiny little bird outside of her window without crying. What's next? Is her next boyfriend going to find a way to ruin the sound of a purring kitten for her? Is she going to be forced to stick knitting needles in her ears?

P.S. This is our second Twitter-focused post in two days. Does this mean that the medium is officially dead? Cause we kinda like it.

ï Jenny McCarthy and Botox, sitting in a tree. (IMDb)

ï On again/off again couple Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are off again. Until the engagement rumors start, oh, in 5 hours or so. (The Blemish)

ï Katy Perry sexy in Esquire magazine. She's got big chugs and we like it. (Yeeeah!)

ï Chris Brown will not be receiving a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award, despite him being a terrific role model for children, what with the girlfriend beating and all. (Anything Hollywood)

ï It's rumored that 3 of the Kardashian sisters will get nude in Playboy. Best have a tri-fold cover to house all dat azz. (Faded Youth)

ï Anne Heche gave birth to her second son yesterday. His name is Atlas. Who gave Celestia a copy of 1001 Names for Your Newborn? (Celebitchy)

ï According to the folks at Dancing with the Stars, Denise Richards is a harridan on par with Faye Dunaway mixed with Joan Crawford mixed with Helen Lawson. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Aw. Poor James Franco. Little guy's all tuckered out. Shhh. (CelebWarship)

ï Mr Skin announces Anatomy Award nominees! Holy hooters! (Mr Skin)

ï Jessica Simpson straps on some short shorts to irk the h8rs. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Halle Berry is going to shave her head for a movie role. We're sure she'll look as ugly as usual. (IMDb)

ï Michael Douglas's son Cameron stops paying rent, then leaves his place coated in needles and blackened spoons. Because he's Michael Douglas's son, and he's ruggedly handsome and above the law and impervious to bullets. He does what the fuck he wants. (ILYITW)

ï Today is Jennifer Aniston's 40th birthday, and ex-boyfriend John Mayer wrote her a song. It goes, "Lordy lordy! Jen is forty! So many candles blazin'. Lordy, Lordy! Jen's forty! Her vadge looks like a craisin." (I'm Not Obsessed)

ï Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love are reportedly dating in secret. That's cool, they have a lot in common. Like injecting stuff into their faces. And wearing scarves. (Socialite Life)

ï Katherine Heigl and T. R. Knight are leaving the cast of Grey's Anatomy. Which should leave them with a lot of free time to do their favorite hobbies: smoking things. Cigarettes and men's wieners, respectively. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Mischa Barton. Lookin' gooooooood. (The Blemish)

ï Kate Hudson is once again letting the Butterscotch Stallion nibble her sugar cubes with his velvety muzzle. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Don't be a douche-ku. Ogle Eliza Dushku in Maxim. (Daily Stab)