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	<title>CelebNewsWire&#187; Joe Simpson Archives  &#8211;  CelebNewsWire</title>
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		<title>Papa Joe Sore at Romo</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_simpsons_father_is_jealous_of_to.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_simpsons_father_is_jealous_of_to.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:53:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tony Romo]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=18715</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson. Remember her? Pretty girl, big tits, about yay high? The last time she was in the press, it was about her gaining 3 pounds or something, we didn&#x27;t really pay attention. However, we can&#x27;t resist a story involving her odious, progeny-lusting father, Papa Joe, especially when it&#x27;s alleged that he secretly longs to [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/joe_simpson_jessica_simpson.jpg"><img alt="joe_simpson_jessica_simpson.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/joe_simpson_jessica_simpson-thumb.jpg" width="132" height="200" /></a>Jessica Simpson. Remember her? Pretty girl, big tits, about yay high? The last time she was in the press, it was about her gaining 3 pounds or something, we didn&#x27;t really pay attention. However, we can&#x27;t resist a story involving her odious, progeny-lusting father, <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/joe_simpson/" target="_blank">Papa Joe</a>, especially when it&#x27;s alleged that he secretly longs to step into the shoes of his daughter&#x27;s football-playing boyfriend, <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/tony_romo/" target="_blank">Tony Romo</a>. Which makes you kind of wonder if he secretly applies eyeliner and dances in the mirror Buffalo Bill style, pretending to be <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/pete_wentz/" target="_blank">Pete Wentz</a>. Uck. According to our own personal gossip father figure, <a href="http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/Jessica+Simpson-25499.html" target="_blank">FemaleFirst</a>, </p>
<blockquote><p>Jessica Simpson&#x27;s father is jealous of her boyfriend Tony Romo.</p>
<p>The singer-and-actress &#8211; who has been dating the American football quarterback since early last year &#8211; is reportedly being encouraged to separate from her boyfriend by her dad-and-manager Joe Simpson, because he believes she is losing focus on her career.</p>
<p>But Jessica is still very much in love with the US sports star and is desperate to take their relationship to the next level. The source revealed: &quot;If she had her wish, she&#x27;d be married and pregnant.&quot;</p>
<p>The 28-year-old beauty recently admitted to friends she is concerned Tony will never pop the question. A source said: &quot;Jessica was really hoping she was going to get an engagement ring. She wanted one for Christmas, then she thought maybe New Year&#x27;s Eve . Her last hope was that Tony would propose on Valentine&#x27;s Day &#8211; but he didn&#x27;t.&quot;</p></blockquote>
<p>We love a girl who doesn&#x27;t give up hope. Hold tight, Jess! Administrative Professionals Day is right around the corner!</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Papa Joe Did Not Measure Jessica&#039;s Pubescent Pontoons</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_simpsons_dad_didnt_fit_training.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_simpsons_dad_didnt_fit_training.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:40:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[underwear]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=17903</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Jessica Simpson wants you to know that not everything you hear about her and daddy dearest Papa Joe Simpson is true. Sure, Joe may get pleasure out of taking creepily inappropriate sexy photos of his daughter, but he does not have any input into Jessica&#x27;s underwear selection. According to Us Weekly:
Jessica Simpson opened up about [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/jessica%20simpson%20points%20out%20her%20boobs.jpg"><img alt="jessica simpson points out her boobs.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/jessica%20simpson%20points%20out%20her%20boobs-thumb.jpg" width="142" height="200" /></a><br />
Jessica Simpson wants you to know that not everything you hear about her and daddy dearest Papa Joe Simpson is true. Sure, Joe may get pleasure out of taking creepily inappropriate <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/joe_simpson_shows_his_fatherly_lovewith.html" target=" blank">sexy photos</a> of his daughter, but he does not have any input into Jessica&#x27;s underwear selection. According to <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/jessica-simpson-denies-her-dad-fit-her-for-training-bra" target=" blank"><em>Us Weekly</em></a>:<br />
<blockquote>Jessica Simpson opened up about her dad during a radio interview in Colton, CA on K-FROG 95.1 Tuesday.</p>
<p>&quot;There have been stories that are ridiculous,&quot; Simpson said (Watch above). &quot;Like my father really fit me for a training bra. Like, who believes that kind of thing!?&quot;</p></blockquote>
<p> Well, of course Papa Joe didn&#x27;t fit little pre-teen Jessica for a training bra. Don&#x27;t be ridiculous. She went straight to the 34DD, baby, no training bra necessary.<br />
<span id="more-17903"></span><br />
<br />Make like Papa Joe and ogle Jessica at MrSkin.com.</p>
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		<title>Papa Joe Won&#039;t Play a Porn Star&#8211;and Neither Will Jessica</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_simpson_porn_star_movie_papa_joe.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_simpson_porn_star_movie_papa_joe.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 30 Jul 2007 17:55:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[movies]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=16751</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Your chances of seeing Jessica Simpson play a porn star on screen are about as high as your chances of scoring a girlfriend who doesn&#x27;t have &#34;Made in Thailand&#34; stamped on her ass, but if that opportunity ever does arise, you can be assured that Papa Joe will be right alongside her, probably taking notes [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/jessica%20simpson%20big%20sunglasses.jpg"><img alt="jessica simpson big sunglasses.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/jessica%20simpson%20big%20sunglasses-thumb.jpg" width="142" height="200" /></a><br />
Your chances of seeing Jessica Simpson play a porn star on screen are about as high as your chances of scoring a girlfriend who doesn&#x27;t have &quot;Made in Thailand&quot; stamped on her ass, but if that opportunity ever does arise, you can be assured that Papa Joe will be right alongside her, probably taking notes on his little girl&#x27;s &quot;performance&quot; (read: huge hooters) on his balls. He told <em>People</em>:<br />
<blockquote>The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star. We were promised we would win an Oscar with that. I was like, &#x27;Eh, we&#x27;ll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.&#x27; </p></blockquote>
<p> &quot;Oscar winner Jessica Simpson&quot; are not words we see ourself saying anytime in the rest of eternity, unless of course the Academy starts doling out awards for shiniest hair or worst Southern accent. But we&#x27;re more than a little concerned with the tone of Papa Joe&#x27;s statement. &quot;We&quot; would win an Oscar? &quot;We&#x27;ll&quot; keep &quot;our&quot; clothes on? We know that Jess and Joe have a relationship that is so creepily close that Joe probably wears Jessica&#x27;s  panties, but the last time we checked they were indeed two distinct people, even if they only have the brain power of one human. Plus, if they were freakishly fused into one being, we&#x27;d be afraid to know which body parts were doing the connecting. Cause we&#x27;re pretty sure it would&#x27;nt be their shoulders.</p>
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		<title>Tired of the Old Ones&#039; Racks, Joe Simpson Wants to Take on New Daughter</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/britney_spears_joe_simpson_manager.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/britney_spears_joe_simpson_manager.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 25 Apr 2007 17:45:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Britney Spears]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=16451</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Joe Simpson&#x27;s lifelong dream may finally come true now that Britney Spears is hot again and in need of a good older male influence in her life and her career. Joe could adopt her and make her super blonde and send her to Ashlee&#x27;s plastic surgeon and life would be great for both of them. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/britney%20house%20naked.jpg"><img alt="britney house naked.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/britney%20house%20naked-thumb.jpg" width="132" height="200" /></a><br />
<a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/joe_simpson/" target=" blank">Joe Simpson</a>&#x27;s lifelong dream may finally come true now that Britney Spears is hot again and in need of a good older male influence in her life and her career. Joe could adopt her and make her super blonde and send her to Ashlee&#x27;s plastic surgeon and life would be great for both of them. Especially Joe. Cause Britney would be his daughter, but she wouldn&#x27;t <em>really</em> be his daughter. So when he signs her up to perform with the Pussycat Dolls and serves as her wardrobe supervisor and has to spend all his backstage time making sure everything is zipped and buttoned and double-sided taped he won&#x27;t get those weird looks from the other Dolls and hear them saying, &quot;Your dad is really, uh, helpful, is that the word I&#x27;m looking for?&quot;<br />
<span id="more-16451"></span><br />
Rush &amp; Molloy report:<br />
<blockquote>Just as <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/britney_spears/" target=" blank">Britney Spears</a>&#x27; dad is criticizing her, word has leaked that the falling star may soon have a new father figure in her life: Jessica Simpson&#x27;s dad.</p>
<p>According to an inside source, Joe Simpson is considering managing Spears&#x27; career, or what&#x27;s left of it, just as he has done for Jessica and her sister, <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/ashlee_simpson/" target=" blank">Ashlee</a>.</p>
<p>The former Baptist minister even tried to set up a meeting over the weekend with Spears, our source attests &#8211; though Jessica&#x27;s rep Cindi Berger denies it.</p>
<p>While some might fear a diva-like rivalry between the two singers, our source says Jessica would be okay with the arrangement and even offered to put out a call to Britney, as the two are no longer competitors.</p>
<p>Spears has made more than $100 million from records and endorsements, while sales of Simpson&#x27;s five albums were lukewarm. But Joe Simpson adeptly steered his daughter into movies and lucrative appearances, like next week&#x27;s performance with the Pussycat Dolls at Pure in Las Vegas. And Ashlee had two No. 1 singles on the Billboard charts.</p>
<p>The Simpson girls are clearly appreciative of their dad&#x27;s efforts: Last month, Ashlee called Joe &quot;a wonderful man&quot; in Harper&#x27;s Bazaar, and Jessica gave him a Ferrari.</p>
<p>Insiders even credit Joe&#x27;s guidance for helping the sisters avoid the excesses that sent Spears to rehab at the urging of her family, doctors and manager, Larry Rudolph. Spears, attributing her behavior to postpartum depression, left rehab and fired Rudolph, for which her estranged father, Jamie, blasted her last week.</p></blockquote>
<p> What is the possibility that this isn&#x27;t a ploy on Joe&#x27;s part to really, really piss off Jessica and create some fake sibling rivalry that would end with a top-rated pay-per-view special of Jessica and Britney in a world-class catfight? Britney would surely have the hair-pulling advantage there. </p>
<p>Britney works out her daddy issues at MrSkin.com.</p>
<p>And so does Jessica.</p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>It&#039;s Hard out Here for Joe Simpson</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/joe_simpson_jessica_simpson_product_plac.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/joe_simpson_jessica_simpson_product_plac.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Dec 2006 17:45:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[magazines]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[movies]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15940</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
So you want Jessica Simpson to promote your product? Just make the check payable to Joe Simpson and your wish will be granted. But try not to imagine Joe&#x27;s methods of persuasion; every conscience has a limit, and that just might be yours.

TMZ reports:
Joe Simpson says for a cool $10,000 his daughter Jessica will read [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/simpsons.jpg"><img alt="simpsons.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/simpsons-thumb.jpg" width="131" height="200" align="left"/></a><br />
So you want Jessica Simpson to promote your product? Just make the check payable to <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/joe_simpson/" target=" blank">Joe Simpson</a> and your wish will be granted. But try not to imagine Joe&#x27;s methods of persuasion; every conscience has a limit, and that just might be yours.<br />
<span id="more-15940"></span><br />
<a href="http://www.tmz.com/2006/12/07/joe-simpson-offers-jessica-as-mag-rack-for-10k/" target=" blank">TMZ</a> reports:<br />
<blockquote>Joe Simpson says for a cool $10,000 his daughter Jessica will read YOUR magazine!<br />
Well-placed sources tell TMZ that ever-opportunistic Joe has called at least two weekly celebrity rags to offer them the &quot;opportunity&quot; to feature <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/jessica_simpson/" target=" blank">Jessica</a> reading their mag in a scene in the upcoming film &quot;Blonde Ambition.&quot; We&#x27;re told that he has asked them to write a check for $10,000 for the privilege of placement &#8212; and to make that check payable to Joe Simpson. Our sources say that Joe has &quot;guaranteed&quot; that he will personally see to it that the magazine will be where it&#x27;s supposed to be when cameras roll. So far, according to sources, no one has taken Simpson up on his offer.<br />
Well, this tale may be returned for insufficient funds. A rep for the Simpsons says that there is &quot;no truth whatsoever&quot; to this story. While the rep confirms that there was product placement staff working on the film, she says there is &quot;absolutely no truth&quot; in any request for payment directly to Joe.</p></blockquote>
<p> We&#x27;re just waiting for the day when Joe finds himself a little strapped for cash and really wanting that sweet custom RV with the leopard-print velvet upholstery and black-light-lined bed chamber. That will surely be the day that Joe calls up the <em>Playboy</em> offices and says, &quot;Hef, we&#x27;re on. But could you make the check out to Malibu Yacht and RV? That would really help.&quot;</p>
<p>Joe has no control over the Jessica you see at MrSkin.com. We think.</p>
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		<title>Joe Simpson Shows His Fatherly Love&#8211;With a Sexy Photo Shoot</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/joe_simpson_shows_his_fatherly_lovewith.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/joe_simpson_shows_his_fatherly_lovewith.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 20 Oct 2006 17:55:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15804</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Yes, Jessica, we believe you. Your daddy loves his little girl, but not in an inappropriate way. He would never want to ogle your breasts and he surely never talked momma Tina into playing the at-home version of Newlyweds, complete with Ken Paves wigs. He just likes to take pictures of you while you&#x27;re on [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Yes, Jessica, we believe you. Your daddy loves his little girl, but not in an inappropriate way. He would never want to ogle your breasts and he surely never talked momma Tina into playing the at-home version of <em>Newlyweds</em>, complete with Ken Paves wigs. He just likes to take pictures of you while you&#x27;re on a bed, wrapped in a sheet, and looking as relaxed and fulfilled as that lady in the old Calgon ads. But he didn&#x27;t ask you to think about dildos while he was taking those pictures, so that&#x27;s gotta count for something.<br />
<span id="more-15804"></span><br />
<a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/jessicadaddy.jpg"><img alt="jessicadaddy.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/jessicadaddy-thumb.jpg" width="334" height="250" /></a></p>
<p>The above picture of <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/jessica_simpson/" target=" blank">Jessica</a> was taken by <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/joe_simpson/" target=" blank">Joe Simpson</a>. While daddies taking pictures of their daughters is a totally normal occurrence, usually it involves a small child in a frilly dress chasing a lady bug and the dad competing for attention, saying, &quot;Look over here, honey, look at the SpongeBob.&quot; When the girl has matured and needs some pics to show the world that, even though her sister has stolen her identity, she&#x27;s still got it. These are pictures that will be pinned up in Army barracks. Usually Daddy leaves that to a professional photographer, one who can fantasize about the girl without mentally breaking a dozen laws. But Jessica explains that there&#x27;s nothing at all creepy about Joe noticing his daughter&#x27;s sexual attributes (mainly those double-D&#x27;s he loves to talk about).<br />
<blockquote>No, I&iacute;ve had double D&iacute;s for a long time. Are you kidding? No. My family is extremely close. I talk to my mom about my sex life. That&iacute;s not something that creeps me out. We&iacute;re Podunk Southern. And my dad is very open about his ideas and&Ouml;it&iacute;s disgusting that people would actually think&Ouml;people are making a judgment on something that is false.</p></blockquote>
<p> Refuting icky insinuations of incest by saying you&#x27;re &quot;Podunk Southern&quot; may not be the best way to handle the situation. That&#x27;s like saying, &quot;I can&#x27;t possibly be an alcoholic; I&#x27;m a WASP.&quot;<br />
Check out more of Daddy Simpson&#x27;s portfolio at <a href="http://www.imnotobsessed.com/2006/10/19/joe-simpson-is-creepy/" target=" blank">I&#x27;m Not Obsessed</a>.<br />
<br />Or see non-Joe Simpson (we think) photos of Jess at MrSkin.com.</p>
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		<title>Jessica Also Believes That Joe Is the Undisputed God of Texas</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_also_believes_that_joe_is_the_un.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jessica_also_believes_that_joe_is_the_un.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Oct 2006 17:45:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Luke Wilson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[movies]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15771</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson&#x27;s creepy daddy has convinced her that she&#x27;s starring in a new movie opposite Luke Wilson even though Wilson has not agreed to the film. We hear Papa Joe has a knack for convincing his daughters of things that are completely untrue. After all, someone must have told Ashlee she had a really pretty [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Jessica Simpson&#x27;s creepy daddy has convinced her that she&#x27;s starring in a new movie opposite <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/luke_wilson/" target=" blank">Luke Wilson</a> even though Wilson has not agreed to the film. We hear <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/joe_simpson/" target=" blank">Papa Joe</a> has a knack for convincing his daughters of things that are completely untrue. After all, someone must have told Ashlee she had a really pretty voice.<br />
<span id="more-15771"></span><br />
MSNBC&#x27;s The Scoop reports:<br />
<blockquote>In September, <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/jessica_simpson/index.html" target=" blank">Jessica</a> lamented that she was &igrave;preparing myself&icirc; for the inevitable November tabloid covers that would link her to Wilson when she starts filming a role as his love interest in &igrave;Blonde Ambition.&icirc; And just last week, she told Jimmy Kimmel, &igrave;I&iacute;m going into doing another movie with Luke Wilson called &euml;Blonde Ambition!&iacute;&icirc;<br />
But a rep for Wilson told Star, &igrave;This project is in talks.&icirc; What&iacute;s more, a source told the tab, &igrave;Luke Wilson will never do a movie with Jessica Simpson.&icirc;<br />
The insider suggests that the star&iacute;s manager dad Joe Simpson has been exaggerating prospects for the flick. &igrave;Joe is telling Jessica he&iacute;s getting big stars,&icirc; says the source. &igrave;Joe&iacute;s been working on it for months. It&iacute;ll end up having a bunch of nobodies if it happens. He was trying to get Meg Ryan to be the Sigourney Weaver character. It&iacute;s such a joke. He&iacute;s been sending out half-written scripts with personal letters to stars asking them to be in it.&icirc;</p></blockquote>
<p> Because we at CelebNewsWire are crack journalists who will stop at nothing for a story, we got ahold of Scarlett Johansson&#x27;s trash and found (along with some HIV test results that we are too ethical to publish) this letter:<br />
<blockquote>Dear Scarlett,<br /> <br />
There is a role in my Jessica&#x27;s new movie, <em>Blonde Ambition</em>, that I think would be perfect for you. The main requirement is an ample, luscious bosom. In fact, that is the main requirement for every cast member. And of all the young ladies in Hollywood today, you have one of the most ample, luscious bosoms I can imagine (aside from my Jessica&#x27;s double-D&#x27;s, of course. Those things are massive. And so soft and squishy and warm.) Please consult the script that I have enclosed and contact my people with your answer. Jessica and I would really love to work with you. Oh, and I don&#x27;t know how solid your relationship with your own father is, but I make a wonderful surrogate daddy. Think about it.<br />
Joe Simpson</p></blockquote>
<p>But the funny thing is, the script that was attached didn&#x27;t seem to be for <em>Blonde Ambition</em>, but for something called <em>Topless Blonde Peep Show</em> and the only male character was named Joe Simpson.<br />
<br />Jessica frees herself from Papa Joe&#x27;s clutches at MrSkin.com.</p>
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		<title>&quot;Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither.&quot;</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/their_breasts_will_sag_and_their_faces_w.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/their_breasts_will_sag_and_their_faces_w.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 20 Sep 2006 17:50:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ashlee Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[paparazzi]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15707</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey, guys, did you hear? Jessica Simpson is sexy. She has amazing boobs. And now that her sister Ashlee got that nose job she&#x27;s sexy too. You hardly even notice her butt chin anymore. They are sexy, sexy, sexy. You know how we know? Their dad told us. He thinks they&#x27;re totally hot and sexy [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey, guys, did you hear? Jessica Simpson is sexy. She has amazing boobs. And now that her sister <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/ashlee_simpson/index.html" target=" blank">Ashlee</a> got that nose job she&#x27;s sexy too. You hardly even notice her butt chin anymore. They are sexy, sexy, sexy. You know how we know? Their dad told us. He thinks they&#x27;re totally hot and sexy and yummy and tasty and other words that no father should ever say about his little girls. And you know what else? He loves to take pictures of them. Doesn&#x27;t every dad love to take pictures of his daughters? In bikinis? With cleavage hanging out?<br />
<span id="more-15707"></span><br />
See this is why <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/joe_simpson/index.html" target=" blank">Joe Simpson</a> is a better father than our own dad. When we posed for <em>Playboy</em> our dad cried and cried and then he got really, really mad and found the photographer and beat him to death with his own camera. Joe Simpson probably would&#x27;ve taken the guy out for a nice steak dinner. The newly re-re-relaunched Radar Online reports:<br />
<blockquote>According to sources who&iacute;ve had recent dealings with him, Simpson has a tight working arrangement with WireImage, the mega-agency and wire service that rules the red-carpet at nearly every high-profile event in the western hemisphere. On several occasions, a camera-wielding Simpson has gone toe-to-toe with other snappers for shots of his own daughters, then approved only his own images for distribution through WireImage. At other times, he has provided the agency with exclusive (and even racy) shots of his daughters on family getaways or in other putatively private moments.</p></blockquote>
<p> See, Joe is such a good Christian he&#x27;s totally able to rectify his love for Jesus with his love for his daughters&#x27; jubblies. But you know who doesn&#x27;t like the Simpsons&#x27; sexiness? Some crotchety old minister in Texas. He&#x27;s probably just jealous cause his wife looks like looks like Tom Cruise in a flowery dress. We&#x27;re guessing. He did the obvious thing and talked to some magazine in Australia:<br />
<blockquote>Their father has replaced his faith in the Lord with the love of money, which is the root of all evil. He has replaced holiness with horniness.<br />
Jessica and Ashlee will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell.</p></blockquote>
<p> We don&#x27;t really care about Jessica and Ashlee&#x27;s faces withering or them becoming hollow shells (because, really, how is that any different from how they look right now?) but please, God, if you are merciful don&#x27;t let their breasts sag. Not their wondrous, plump, Daddy-coveted breasts. Because if they lose those, Joe just might get inspired to create a couple of new girl babies to ogle.<br />
<br />There are pictures of Jessica Simpson at MrSkin.com. As far as we know Joe didn&#x27;t take any of them.</p>
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		<title>CNW Junk Drawer: Two Princes</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/cnw_junk_drawer_two_princes.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/cnw_junk_drawer_two_princes.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Aug 2006 17:48:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[booze]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity breakups]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity hookups]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebs in bikinis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christina Milian]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[eating disorder rumors]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kate Moss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Keith Urban]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MySpace]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Nick Lachey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pete Doherty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Prince Harry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Prince William]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shanna Moakler]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shannen Doherty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Travis Barker]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15597</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#239;  Who wears short shorts? Jessica Simpson wears short shorts. Heyyyyy. Nice mons pubis.
&#239;  Given the choice, Nick Lachey would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law, Papa Joe Simpson. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.
&#239;  Kate Moss might as well face [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&iuml;  Who wears short shorts? Jessica Simpson wears <a href="http://www.hollywoodtuna.com/?p=1635" target="_blank">short shorts</a>. Heyyyyy. Nice mons pubis.</p>
<p>&iuml;  <a href="http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/lachey%20prefers%20satan%20to%20ex-father-in-law_1005279" target="_blank">Given the choice</a>, <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/nick_lachey/" target="_blank">Nick Lachey</a> would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law, <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/joe_simpson/" target="_blank">Papa Joe Simpson</a>. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Kate Moss might as well face that <a href="http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/Kate+Moss+to+marry+Doherty+claims-11207.html" target="_blank">she&#x27;s addicted</a> to <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/pete_doherty/" target="_blank">Pete Doherty</a>. She wishes she knew how to quit him. Brokecrack Mountain?</p>
<p>&iuml;  Another Doherty&#8211;Shannen&#8211;angrily <a href="http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2006-08-15/#celeb6" target="_blank">hung up on a <em>Newsweek</em> reporter</a> after being asked about her fiery, Naomi-Campbell-like, fired-from-Spelling-shows days. God, you run over a boyfriend 15 years ago and you never hear the end of it!</p>
<p>&iuml;  &quot;Christina Milian&quot; kind of rhymes with <a href="http://www.taxidrivermovie.com/view_pictures.php?id=2965" target="_blank">&quot;this tiny little thong&quot;</a>. Sorta.</p>
<p>&iuml;  The divorce gets ugly: Travis Barker questions his estranged wife Shanna Moakler&#x27;s parenting skills, booze intake, nail salon visits, and open-door vagina policy . . . on his <a href="http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/travis_barker/the_barkers_divorce_disaster_20060815.php" target="_blank">MySpace blog</a>! We can&#x27;t wait until she hits back with a string of vitriolic friend comments and some extra-hot profile pics taken in the bathroom mirror.</p>
<p>&iuml;  <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/keith_urban/" target="_blank">Keith Urban</a>, <a href="http://popbytes.com/archive/2006/08/keith_urban_his_teeth.shtml" target="_blank">pre-tooth job</a> looks an awful lot like Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Note to Nicole Richie: when <a href="http://www.thesuperficial.com/2006/08/14/nicole_richie_is_looking_reall.html" target="_blank">size 000 bikini bottoms</a> start to look like droopy adult sumo diapers, it might be time to try a cruller or something. </p>
<p>&iuml;  One, <a href="http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2006/08/prince-william-and-prince-harry-are.html" target="_blank">two, princes</a></a> kneel before you/thats what I said, now/princes, princes who adore you/just go ahead, now/William has a cosmo in his hand/that sounds great, now/Harry said he wants to honk your mam, now/aint in his head, now.</p>
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		<title>Eva Longoria Is a Bad Influence</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/eva_longoria_is_a_bad_influence.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/eva_longoria_is_a_bad_influence.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Aug 2006 17:13:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Eva Longoria]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joe Simpson]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15572</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Papa Joe Simpson gives a hearty thumbs-up to the following things: his daughter&#x27;s breasts, talking about his daughter&#x27;s breasts, allowing his daughter to show off her breasts in print and on screen. Not OK? Hanging out with Eva Longoria. Never did we think we&#x27;d have so much in common with Jessica Simpson&#x27;s father. Aside from [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/joe_simpson/" target="_blank">Papa Joe Simpson</a> gives a hearty thumbs-up to the following things: his daughter&#x27;s breasts, talking about his daughter&#x27;s breasts, allowing his daughter to show off her breasts in print and on screen. Not OK? Hanging out with Eva Longoria. Never did we think we&#x27;d have so much in common with Jessica Simpson&#x27;s father. Aside from our shared glorious mango-hued tans and an airs of stifling skeeziness.<br />
<span id="more-15572"></span><br />
<a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/jessica_simpson/" target="_blank">Jessica</a> and <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/eva_longoria/" target="_blank">Eva</a> have become thick as thieves after being introduced by their shared hairdresser, the Peter Pan-esque Ken Paves. It makes sense, seeing how they have the same interests: hair, makeup, shopping, breathing, sitting still and also moving sometimes, smiling real big, nodding. The idea of these two playing Barbies and having sexy pillow-fights in maribou-trimmed nighties is enough to make most approve of the friendship, but apparently, Jessica&#x27;s lecherous dad is unhappy about his daughter&#x27;s new BFF, because he thinks that every time the pair appear in public, Eva &quot;hogs the spotlight&quot;. So like a good evil villain, Joe twisted his mustache, rubbed his spindly hands together, and hatched this plan:<br />
Eva had invited her pals to a girls&#x27; night out. According to the <em>Enquirer</em>, Joe</p>
<blockquote><p>&igrave;had an assistant phone Eva and tell her Jessica had to cancel because she was ill. Then he arranged for a private plane to whisk Jess and galpals to Vegas.&quot;</p></blockquote>
<p>This is kind of like the grown-up, rich and famous people&#x27;s take on the time you started hanging out with that eighth grade girl who showed you how to smack your Barbies together to make them have sex and stole her dad&#x27;s Tareytons, so your mom threw away her roller skating party invitation and then bought you a new Huffy to make up for your disappointment. That totally happened to other people, right?<br />
<br />Jessica gets slinky at MrSkin.com</p>
<p>Eva&#x27;s there too, asserting her bad influence.</p>
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