According to Jenner, he and his girlfriend Jayde Nicole were at the club celebrating his birthday, when Jayde saw Francis hitting on an ex-girlfriend of his (Francis’), Jenner says “unrelentingly.” Jayde felt he was harassing the woman — whom Jayde and Brody know — and she threw a drink on Francis.

Jenner says Francis then pulled Jayde’s hair, punched her in the face and threw her to the ground and began kicking her. Security broke it up and Francis got dragged away — Brody followed.  Jenner says he started yelling at Francis and both men were ejected from the club.

Outside the club, Jenner says he tried to get back in to see Jayde but security wouldn’t let him. Jenner then saw Joe, punched him in the face, and then someone tased him and he fell to the ground.

It’s a good thing scumlord Francis started this all by beating up a lady, otherwise we wouldn’t know who to root for here. It’s like trying to figure out which turd you should root for in the race down the toilet hole.

ï Nicole Richie allegedly kicks Joel Madden to the curb. Joel responds by kicking it to Mischa Barton. (Yeeeah!)

ï Elle MacPherson named the greatest model of all time. Janice Dickinson is somewhere guzzling Drano right now. (Daily Stab)

ï Hilary Swank was hospitalized to remove a "small benign growth". Her penis, right? (Celebitchy)

ï Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond bond. By getting busted for meth together. This makes Tatum's bust look kind of classy.(Derek Hail)

ï Joe Francis opens his douche-hole to say he thinks Lohan is straight and just going through a phase. Who wouldn't give up men after screwing Joe Francis? (CelebWarship)

ï 15-year-old Miley Cyrus has a boyfriend. He's 20. And an underwear model. This should be good. (Hollywood Grind)

ï Do you have the balls to . . . name that celebrity cameltoe? (Cityrag)

ï Shauna Sand wears a see-through dress to match her see-through shoes. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Joe Francis wants Vanessa Hudgens to sign a deal with Girls Gone Wild. "Lucrative and record-breaking Disney franchise, or cokehead in a jail cell?" Her mind must be a veritable cacophony of tumult right now! (WWTDD)

ï Faulkner. Hemingway. Didion. Joyce. Tommy Lee. (IDLYITW)

ï Jennifer Lopez fetuswatch 09/07 begins. (The Blemish)

ï And speaking of fetuses, Posh Spice is starting to look like one after an hour of broasting in a cajun marinade. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Stacy's mom has got an upskirt goin' on. (Taxi Driver)

ï We'd never seen a praying mantis that likes reverse cowgirl until we saw these pictures of Jenna Jameson's plastiface. (Evil Beet)

ï Britney Spears does not suffer Ken Paves gladly, and a Ken Paves wielding faux hair never. (Celeb Warship)

ï AND! She's a Brit . . . house. Forget the poon, THIS is quite a spread. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Heath Ledger hits the party scene to celebrate his newfound single status, as well as the last clinging remains of his hair. (Celebrity Mound)

"Girls Gone Wild" bad boy Joe Francis has allegedly been found with pills in his Florida jail cell — and the reason he got caught is because he allegedly tried to bribe a guard for a bottle of water with a $100 bill on Wednesday night.

And get this …TMZ has also learned that the President of Mantra Films, Scott Barbour, the company that produces "Girls Gone Wild," has also been arrested by the Bay County Sheriff on suspicion of slipping the pills and the cash to Francis. Authorities say Barbour made the handoff when he visited Francis Wednesday night at the jail. Now Barbour is an inmate at the same jail as Francis.

We've confirmed the story The County Press broke, that authoritites searched Francis and found at least three different types of pills — anti-anxiety meds Aprazolam and Lorazepam, as well as the sleeping med Lunesta.

Francis could be charged with the crime of introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony, and possession of a controlled substance.

The pills we can't explain, but the need for a water bottle is simple: Joe's new prison boyfriend, Hacksaw, wasn't willing to sully his own member with the viruses and infestations hiding deep inside Joe's crevices and needed a makeshift dildo to fuck him with.

ï OMG, KITT is for sale! For a mere $100K, you can own a 1982 Trans Am that doesn't actually speak.

ï Tori Spelling's new bundle of joy graces People, has mom's original nose.

ï Large-breasted Brit (we're starting to believe that there are no other sorts of Brits) Lucy Pinder shucks bra for a magazine called Nuts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

ï Pammo Anderson brings back the slo-mo, running-on-the-beach Baywatch cleave ripple. And if you're not down with that, there's a cute puppy, so . . . hey.

ï We don't generally condone violence or the issuing of beatdowns. But when it happens to Joe Francis, we're still going to snicker like Muttley a little, sorry.

ï Suri Cruise: silent naked weave-styling (last item).

ï Halle Berry celebrates getting her Hollywood star with cleavage, as everyone should. Yeah, we're looking at you, John Tesh.

ï Hey, can you maybe answer a question that's been plaguing us for over a year? Why does Pete Wentz always, ALWAYS pose for pictures doing that "oooh, you baaaad" sneer? Is it because an errant fisherman caught him on his hook? Because that's what we're fantasizing.

ï Take a tenderly lumpy journey through the bas relief world of celebrity lipo.

Joe Francis, the guy behind the GGW empire, has already offered the saucy Idolette a $250,000 contract to appear in a video as a celebrity host!

Francis tells TMZ, "We have reached out to Antonella Barba through her family and are trying to reach her directly in order to offer her a hosting job for one of our upcoming video projects. Just like the American Idol judges, we at Girls Gone Wild are looking for a girl next door, with sexiness, attitude, a carefree spirit and a presence that will command the attention of the Nation."

And just like the American Idol judges, Barba's GGW appearance should involve a panel of judges critiquing her "talent"; in this case, the finesse of her shirt-lifting and the quality of her glandular assets. "For me, it was just aight," Girls Gone Randy will say. "You did your thing. I didn't love it. I dunno, dawg."

Girls Gone Paula will let her eyes roll back and forth and slur out of the side of her mouth, "I disagree. I think when you extended your left pinky and then did that counterclockwise rack shake when you flashed, I think that was really great. I love your spirit and you're a beautiful, beautiful girl."

Girls Gone Simon will take a sip from his conspicuously-placed Pepsi product and sigh, "This is a flashing competition, Antonella. You're out of your element."

Antonella Barba is not at MrSkin.com (yet), so check out Antonella Costa. Close enough, right?

Joe Francis called in to Howard this morning to "discuss" his and Paris's pending lawsuit against Parisexposed.com. While he claims he and Paris are not behind the leak, he mentioned the website name numerous times, and Robin and Howard didn't buy it for a minute. Joe sounded extremely drugged up, or hungover, or still drunk?? But then again it was around 8 a.m. Howard time, 5 a.m. Hollywood time…Howard got him to admit that Paris was the best blowjob he'd ever received. When asked who gave the better bj, Paris or Lindsey, Joe responded, "Paris," even though a few statements earlier he claimed, "Lindsey and I are just friends."

When asked who was the worst in bed of all the famous chicks he's slept with (insinuated in this interview: Paris, Lindsey, Kimbo Stewart, Tara Reid) he said Tara was the worst, and when Howard asked why, he went silent again. When asked to explain why he claimed Tara was so bad, he wouldn't come out and say it, but merely mumbled, "…well I only used protection with her, so maybe that made it less pleasurable…" Howard then began asking more leading questions like, "So she just laid there?" or "Was it because she had a big smelly loose vagina?" Joe responded, "More or less, yeah."

To conclude such highbrow topics, Joe stated, "Well I don't plan on having sex with Paris again, especially after seeing the medical documents on the site."

If listening to this conversation between Paris Hilton and Nicole Lenz has taught us anything, it's that big loose smelly vaginas are the fault of men who have sex with a lot of girls, thus infecting them all yeastily. Nicole's mom told her, so it's true. And that Paris's wiener never smells, ever.

Sniff Paris at MrSkin.com.

Lohan and her massive cleavage is there, too.

And Tara, naked.

Those things are vaguely reminiscent of two old boxing gloves strung together and haphazardly strung over a doorknob. We never thought we'd be grateful to Cisco Adler, let alone grateful to Cisco Adler's low-hanging ballbag, but anything that provides a visual break from 602 straight hours of Paris footage is commendable.

DrunkenStepfather.com is your one stop shop for the latest round of Parisfully exposurous pictures, while FadedYouth boasts the fabled miscarriage bill and a letter from Pops Hilton that includes the soon to be immortal line: "Mom and I created the Uptown & Downtown fragrances to give you girl's credibility and have you taken more serious."
Meanwhile, Girls Gone Wild dude/human stool sample Joe Francis, who is featured in several of the photos and videos, is claiming that he and Paris have "assembled a legal team" and that

"We're pissed and I feel for Paris right now. She's been victimized yet again," Francis told The Post yesterday. "We want this thing down and we're seeking monetary damages."

Joe Francis suing someone for releasing videos of a girl flashing her boobs repeatedly? The world's gone topsy-turvy.

There's more exposure of Paris at MrSkin.com.