Joaquin Phoenix's rap career is all part of an elaborate hoax, according to the eccentric movie star's closest pals. The two-time Oscar nominee recently announced he was turning his back on acting to follow his musical dreams, and he followed up the shock news with a zany three-song debut as a rapper at a Las Vegas nightclub.

During his performance on 16 January, which was captured on film by his actor brother-in-law Casey Affleck, Phoenix appeared to have a public meltdown before falling off the stage.

But pals insist the Walk The Line star knows exactly what he's doing – and his performance was all part of an "art project".

One close friend tells Entertainment Weekly magazine, "He said, 'It's a put-on. I'm going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it.'

"It's an art project for him. He's going full out. He probably has told his reps that he's quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control."

Sure dude, we totally believe you. Just like we believed you when you said, "No, no, I never wanted anyone to call me Leaf. Leaf? That's fucking stupid. Why would I do that? It was the establishment, man, trying to put me in a little hippie box. They MADE me do it. It totally wasn't my idea. I swear."

Last night at the Paul Newman benefit, the Oscar nominee said, ìI want to take this opportunityÖ also to give you the exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact that this will be my last performance as an actorÖ Iím not doing films anymore.î

ìExtraísî Jerry Penacoli, shocked by the news, further probed Joaquin. ìAre you serious?î Phoenix, who was curiously being followed by his own camera crews, reiterated, ìYeah. Iím working on my music. Iím done. Iíve been through that.î

Actor Casey Affleck, present during the admission, tells ìExtraî, ìI donít think heís kidding. Heís got music and stuff.î

"Music and stuff." Thank you, Casey Affleck, for such an enthusiastic endorsement. We're hoping he also yawned, shrugged, and made the j.o. motion with a hand at the same time.

ìI love being naked. I do everything in the nude, even the gardening! Weíre Cuban, and itís a hot island. Why not go nude?î

However, although stripping off your garments and squatting in the dirt to yank up some ragweed that's precariously close to your girl-wiener is perfectly natural, being naked in front of a camera still gives Eva the creeps, and she says of her We Own the Night sex scene with Joaquin Phoenix:

"Itís not a natural thing on camera, so itís always going to be a little awkward.

ìIt was tough. That morning I was so nervous that the director was like, ëWhy donít you put a little vodka in your orange juice?í So I did. It took the edge off.

"Itís weird to see myself in bed with Joaquin up on the big screen. I told my mom she has to come 15 minutes late. She wouldnít live through that first scene – sheíd have a heart attack. The poor lady would keel over in the movie theatre.î

Keeping in mind that Joaquin Phoenix is a very very recently recovering alcoholic, watch said sex scene with a critical eye and see if Joaquin's tongue has a certain urgency as it darts around Eva's luscious mouth, as if seeking out delicious pockets of Grey Goose clinging to her molars, like the ice cube-licking lady in the Disaronno ads.

All this talk of Eva naked is making you want to see Eva naked, yes? Yes. So go. Go to MrSkin.com. Go and see.

ï Fun with Photoshop: "Stuff on My Lohan". Hee hee hee hee hee! (Cityrag)

ï Hollywood romance meets the Primetime weekend mystery: Brittany Murphy has awesome taste in men! (ICYDK)

ï Claire Danes and My So-Called Nip. (Taxi Driver)

ï Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias have broken up. It was all downhill after he chopped the Raisinette off his face. (Hollywood Tuna) UPDATE: They're still together, choco-krispie or no.

ï Eva Mendes admits that she had a swig or two of booze to calm her nerves before shooting a sex scene opposite Joaquin Phoenix. As a recovering alcoholic, he surely found the taste of Beam on the breath an intoxicating impetus to make the scene that much more authentically passionate. Man, was that too mean? (Derek Hail)

ï Lindsay's dad offers up some Christian advice whilst wearing a tank top. (GlossLip)

ï When you're faced with a daunting jail sentence after violating parole following a DUI, how to lift your spirits? Build-A-Bear Workshop, girlfriend! (Celebrity Puke)

SNORTED 20 lines of cocaine in ONE night alone

STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table

BRAGGED of wild sex sessions with a host of celebrities including singer James Blunt and model Calum Best.

STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table

BRAGGED: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law."

The mag's source says:

"That night I saw her do more than 20 big lines of cocaine. She was still up doing drugs at 11am even though she had started about 8pm the night before.

"She wasn't even trying to hide it and was blatantly doing it off table tops, keys, books and in the wardrobe, where she was hunched over with her legs crossed almost bent in half doing it off some magazine on the floor.

"I remember looking at her and thinking how pathetic she looked and how out of control she had become.

"When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her.

"I have lost count of the number of times I have watched as she stripped naked in front of everyone.

"Then she loves to check herself out in the mirror as she parades around with her boobs hanging out.

"One night we had gone back to her place and, as always, as soon as she walked through the door she stripped down to her thong, bent down and snorted cocaine off her coffee table and then off her toilet seat."

Oh, and about all those dudes she's f'ed:

"She has told me that she has slept with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco," admitted the friend.

"She loves Brits and has told me she has slept with the singer James Blunt a few times over the past month.

"The last time was on April 15 after another house party. I think they went back to a hotel together afterwards. She is very protective over him and when she heard I had met him she sent me a text saying, ëStay away from him Bitch, he is mine.'

"Lindsay told me she has messed around with Leonardo DiCaprio a while ago too but claimed that she didn't sleep with him.

"She also flew to New York about two months ago to go to bed with Jude Law.

"Last November she slept with Calum Best. She didn't tell me if he was any good but she is usually too wasted to know what is going on anyway."

Hey, we're not done yet:

"Going to rehab was all for publicity. She wanted people to see her seeking help but it hasn't got her off the drugs at all.

"In an average night Lindsay will do two and half grams of coke on her own.

"She doesn't buy itóshe is given it by friends and acquaintances, and it turns her into an angry monster. I have watched many a time Lindsay treating her staff like crap."

Aaaaand here's a picture of Lindsay giving her friend a little assistance (if you doubt it's her, check out the entire set):

We are not gullible types, and when their publicists insist they're "just friends", we tend to believe it, in this case, anyway. Oh, the celebrity gossip blog game is a dirty, unforgiving one, and you become hardened and jaded pretty fast. Unless we see clear anal entry, we won't admit they're a couple. Besides, we don't like to knock the Joaq.


Mmm, mmm, mmm. It's Eva Mendes naked at MrSkin.com.

And see some Joaqamole at MaleStars.com.

ï Joaquin Phoenix: method actor.

ï When you litter, Patrick Swayze turns his weather-beaten, spiritual face to the skies and weeps a solitary tear.

ï Paris Hilton gets her stoolbox hosed out.

ï Oasis member Noel Gallagher calls Jack White "Zorro on doughnuts". And, well, uh, he's kinda got a point there.

ï A stripper had drunken floor sex with David Arquette. Strippers have low standards.

ï And Mariah Carey has an employee who helps her lift those pesky beverages to her parched lips. Don't snicker–the strawmaster probably makes more than you.