CelebNewsWire» Joan Collins Archives – CelebNewsWire

Rich-as-Fuck Celebrities Not So Rich-as-Fuck Anymore

Agent E. — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:19:37 +0000

You probably think you have it pretty bad. The crap economy has you worrying if you're going to lose your job or your house or your car, you've switched to one-ply toilet paper, and instead of getting that latte every morning you've resorted to diving into the Starbucks dumpster and sucking on the discarded coffee grounds. But, man, that's nothing. David and Victoria Beckham can't find a buyer for one of their eight (we're estimating) lavish homes! They're even willing to knock a couple million off the asking price! That's rough. Our own personal finance guru, FemaleFirst, reports on these tough times:

It looks like the credit crunch is hitting the celebrity world as well as us mere mortals, with the Beckhams, Miley Cyrus and Joan Collins all been hit my the economic crisis.

Football's golden couple, David and Victoria Beckham may make millions ever year from Brand Beckham but they are not immune to the problems in the housing market. The couple have had to slash the price of their Madrid home after the £6.5 million mansion has been on the market for 17 months and has yet to sell.

The Beckhams are not alone. Supermodel Gisele B¸ndchen has also cut the asking price of her Manhattan penthouse from $10.9m (around £5.5m) to a paltry $5.9m (around £3m).

Former Dynasty actress Joan Collins was once the highest paid actress on television. But she was spotted last week doing her weekly food shop in American discount supermarket, Target. However she did then load her carrier bags into a Rolls Royce, which we're sure fitted in with the other cars in the car park!

Disney's teenage superstar Miley Cyrus has had her credit card confiscated by her mum after overspending. Your heart bleeds doesn't it.

Man, we really feel for these people. Where is their economic bailout package? Shouldn't there be some sort of provision in the Constitution that says that middle Americans are required by law to buy the products of the rich and famous in tough economic times so that they do not have to do the unthinkable, like switch from Cristal to Veuve Clicquot? Louis Vuitton to Coach? (Yes, we know that only one of the people mentioned in American. Just roll with it, people.)

Nicole Kidman Is Sheerly Lovely

Agent E. — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:55:56 +0000

So you haven't had a hit movie since, what?, The Hours, your marriage, while it is with a man of normal height who does not as far as we know worship aliens, is generally viewed as a tragic mess, your lips are beginning to implant themselves in Joan Rivers territory, and your new film is getting a bunch of Jesus lovers all uppity, which is never good for business. What do you do? Show off your panties! Way to go, Nicole Kidman. But while we're happy that Nic has sunk to this level or movie promotion, we're a bit confused. Yes, the dress is technically see-through. And, yes, we do see a bra there. But upon closer inspection this dress sure is on the chaste side, as far as see-through dresses are concerned. We're assuming she's wearing a thong, but we just can't see it. Nor can we see anything else. What we've got here is one big cock tease. She's saying, "Hey, sailors, look at me in this see-through dress. Aren't I sexy? Doesn't it make you want to see my new movie?" And you're thinking, "Yeah, maybe I will see that movie. She looks hot." But then as you're working up a boner you realize that all you really see is a bunch of lace. And if you wanted to get all hot over some lace, you'd open the doily drawer on your grandma's credenza. And speaking of your grandma and lace and doilies, take a look at Joan Collins. She's taking a different angle on the see-through thing, by pairing it with her sturdy Playtex 18-Hour Bra. And the weird thing is, in today's see-through battle, we're going to have to rule for Joan. She'd seduce you, marry you, and have all your assets transferred to her name before she'd even have to unhook that 18-Hour Bra, and Nicole would probably spend that whole time yelling at her assistant that she asked for pineapple-scented candles in her goddamn dressing room, not apple-scented candles.

Find more see-through pics from Nicole at The Superficial.

Or see her full-on naked at MrSkin.com.

And, hey, Joan's naked too!

Britney Goes Old School With Boob Flash; Joan Collins's Claws Come Out

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 17:59:02 +0000

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are no longer passing cleverly-folded 12-page notes in the hall, having sleepovers involving calling boys they like and hanging up, or like totally pigging out on Ruffles and fat-free Ranch dip while watching Shag: The Movie. A source told Page Six that

"Britney has been told by her people that if she ever wants a comeback, she has to stay far away from Paris and start acting like an adult."

And so far the plan is working like gangbusters! Instead of having coozular lippage flapping in the breeze, she's only showing full boobs 'neath a classy crocheted shirt.

X17 has a passel of entertaining photographs from one of Britney's recent party sessions:

The bared ta-tas and the body-fluid-esque stain on the cut-off mini are straight streetwalker, while the stripey highlights, kooky chapeau and the 1994 crocheted shirt say "Blossom Russo". Britney, you're such a bundle of contradictions!

In a semi-related story, Joan Collins slapped on her wig and yanked up her girdle, doddered out of her house, and joined Camille Paglia and Bette Midler in their public (pubic?) condemnation of Poongate 2006 with a barbed missive, according to accesshollywood.com:

Collins says it's "disgusting" how Spears, Lohan and Hilton are going out in miniskirts without panties, knowing very well that the paparazzi will take their pictures.

She says it's "really sad that young women today need to flaunt" their privates to get attention.

Collins says they've already shown "their front bits," so "where's it all going to end?"

Man. You know you've taken it a few inches past inappropriate when Alexis Carrington is calling you a whore.

Need more Britney? MrSkin.com's got you (un)covered.

And Joan Collins is there, too. Naked. The tramp.