ï Gwen Stefani is all "I call a foul! Hand-checking!" and then blows her whistle. (Yeeeah!)

ï Maggie Gyllenhaal is part Stevie Nicks, part Vampira, part Norma Desmond in the new ads for Agent Provocateur. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Nicole Kidman cops to miscarriage and secret engagement. She should also cop to having red pubes. Admit it! Tell us the truth! (Allie Is Wired)

ï Jude Law was arrested for assaulting a photographer. Oh, come on. Jude Law? He probably just gave the man a feeble, limp-wristed slap and then adjusted his foppish ascot. (The Blemish)

ï Matt Dillon keeps unibrow; shaves down nose. (Cityrag)

ï What's that up Paris Hilton's skirt? Is it a prize? Do we win a prize? Is it bigger than a breadbox? (Drunken Stepfather)

ï And Maria Sharapova is like, "Upskirt? I'll show YOU upskirt. Fools." (Taxi Driver)

ï Spiderman takes a bride. (Celebitchy)

ï Jerry Lewis talks about a bundle of sticks. That's what he's talking about, right? (GlossLip)

ï Hate your ears? Then check out these new Britney Spears "songs"! (Derek Hail)

ï Drew Barrymore makes out with the Macintosh Man. Man, that's like Cameron Diaz necking with a Geico caveman. Or Penelope Cruz hitting the sheets with the "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell" guy. (Yes, we realize that Justin Long has done other crap besides these commercials, so cool out, man) (ONTD)