CelebNewsWire» Jermaine Dupri Archives – CelebNewsWire

Janet Jackson's Lap the Perfect Receptacle for Ewok Puke

Agent E. — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:19:06 +0000

Janet Jackson sure has her hands full dealing with three-apples-high lover/husband(?)/Gymboree play date Jermaine Dupri. Oh, did we say hands full? We meant lap full. According to Page Six:

JERMAINE Dupri had a little too much of a good time celebrating his 36th birthday. The other night, Dupri and his squeeze, Janet Jackson, went to Tenjune, where, spies say, they shared bottles of Jay-Z's Ace of Spades Champagne and PatrÛn tequila with Ne-Yo, Busta Rhymes and Ice-T – until Dupri "vomited in Janet's lap. Ms. Jackson bolted out of the scene and sped off in her chauffeured Maybach."

Isn't that sweet. It seems like just yesterday Jermaine was getting apple-juice spittle all over Janet's burp rags, and now he's moved on to rapper-approved champagne. What a big boy he is, yeth he is!

Janet Jackson flashes her nude rackson at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Mauled by Rap Community, Embraced by Crap Community

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 17:19:38 +0000

ï Brittany Murphy has ended her engagement to best boy/grip Joe Macaluso. Brittany, do you actually think you're going to be able to do better? He's the BEST boy, for Christ's sake!

ï "Kevin Federline mauled by rap community." God, if only that headline were literal.

ï Janet Jackson says that fiancÈ Jermaine Dupri sexually takes her to places she's never been before. Oh, like the Ewok Village? Get it? Cuz he's short.

ï Proving you can never have too much of a good thing: even more pictures of the expansive side of Lindsay Lohan's enormous, speckled breast.

ï And Lindsay's dad is quite the little Jim Davis, taking pen to paper and cartooning the demons pulling his daughter from his fatherly embrace. Impressive, but we would have drawn Lindsay crying "ACK!" and holding a bikini on a hanger to illustrate her body-image issues.

ï A devious, scrawny mammal that steals sneakily, and Kevin Federline. One and the same, friends, but which one has more facial hair?

ï Britney angrily refused to allow Jessica Simpson to kiss her pregnant belly, which is the first smart thing Britney's done, child-rearing-wise. Perhaps she didn't want to risk having her fetus get poisoned by toxic, cupcake-scented plumping gloss.

ï Beyonce and Jay-Z are planning a $3 million wedding. Bet the courtesy gift bag will be fabulous!

ï Jessica Simpson is now hawking hairpieces. What is she, a Mandrell?

Janet Jackson Takes Us On Another Escapade

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 27 Oct 2005 17:47:51 +0000

Janet Jackson's broken her silence and is denying the whole DeBarge DeBaby brouhaha; however, now various sites are alleging that Janet may be expecting Ewok beau Jermaine Dupri's baby. Sadly, Rebbie was the only vaguely sane member of the family, and now Janet will have to send this child off to be raised by one of the lesser, battier Jacksons . . . maybe Marlon or Tito. But not Jermaine. That would be way too confusing.

Janet Jackson has finally issued a statement in an attempt to put to rest all those pesky "secret daughter" rumors, saying, "I do not have a child, and all allegations saying so are false." That's swell, but we're professional journalists and know how to read between the lines of such cryptic, legal expert-penned statements. "I do not have a child"? Of course she doesn't–she gave it up to be raised by her sister! Oh Janet, do not toy with us. We are large of brain and pure of heart and can work our way through your labyrinthian knot of words like Harry Potter through the . . . Goblet of . . . Fire . . . thingie. Anyway.
The New York Daily News, among others, is hinting that these child allegations are popping up now for a reason–are she and loverboy Dupri cooking up an infant?

Dupri, 33, and Jackson, 39, have been an item since 2002, and fans noticed a plumpness about her.

She's in a relationship? And she's fat? Well, we're convinced.

The nip that launched a thousand bonerz. Janet! Naked! At MrSkin.com.

The Ewok Takes a Bride?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 04 Mar 2005 16:14:32 +0000

We know that Janet Jackson likes to get married and not tell anyone about it until the divorce papers come. She's done it before. And we know that she has allegedly married lost member of Kris Kross Jermaine Dupri about twelve times by now, but now a bona fide Hollywood executive has said they're married. And we know that Hollywood executives never lie.

While directing Mariah Carey's new video, director and executive producer extraordinaire Brett Ratner said of Dupri, "We go way back. I used to hang out in this place called Magic City in Atlanta. I used to bump into him all the time. But now that he's a married man, he don't go there anymore." Seriously, if you can't trust the word of the man who directed Rush Hour (parts 1 and 2!), then who can you trust? Surely Jerry Bruckheimer wouldn't give you such solid Janet marryin' evidence.

If the rumors are true, then kudos to Dupri. He gives hope to ugly guys everywhere. Maybe Janet just needs his piles of cash to pay off those FCC fines. Or maybe she likes her men about four feet tall–just like her brother.