CelebNewsWire» Jenny McCarthy Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: My Paris Lies Over the Ocean

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:09:59 +0000

ï Paris Hilton, in a bikini, hits the beach with her new beau, wearing Jamz. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Jenny McCarthy and Botox, sitting in a tree. (IMDb)

ï On again/off again couple Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are off again. Until the engagement rumors start, oh, in 5 hours or so. (The Blemish)

ï Katy Perry sexy in Esquire magazine. She's got big chugs and we like it. (Yeeeah!)

ï Chris Brown will not be receiving a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award, despite him being a terrific role model for children, what with the girlfriend beating and all. (Anything Hollywood)

ï It's rumored that 3 of the Kardashian sisters will get nude in Playboy. Best have a tri-fold cover to house all dat azz. (Faded Youth)

ï Anne Heche gave birth to her second son yesterday. His name is Atlas. Who gave Celestia a copy of 1001 Names for Your Newborn? (Celebitchy)

ï According to the folks at Dancing with the Stars, Denise Richards is a harridan on par with Faye Dunaway mixed with Joan Crawford mixed with Helen Lawson. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Aw. Poor James Franco. Little guy's all tuckered out. Shhh. (CelebWarship)

CNW Junk Drawer: Just Say SheNAE to Pants

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:58:32 +0000

ï Shenae Grimes piles on all her clothes–lace stockings, Jack Sparrow boots, lumberjack shirt–at once. All her clothes except for the pants part. (IDLYITW)

ï Kendra Wilkinson says she sneaked some contraband penis into the Playboy mansion. (Yeeeah!)

ï Victoria Beckham models for Armani skivvies; miraculously does not look like a praying mantis while doing so. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Did Paula Abdul get her schnozz whacked?
(Cityrag)

ï Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey spice up their sex life with provocative dancing. Unfortunately, it's Jim who's sporting the unitard. (Evil Beet)

ï You should probably watch the premiere of The Beast tonight. If you don't, Patrick Swayze will get sad and die. (Seriously OMG WTF)

ï Hey, it's Nicollette Sheridan in her underdrawers. Wouldja lookit that. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were trapped under the same roof and it didn't even end up in a bloody dance-off. Mature! (Holy Moly)

Jenny McCarthy Wears a Bikini and Fondles a Cock on the Beach

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:18:23 +0000

Yes. Jenny McCarthy wears a bikini and fondles a cock on the beach.

Show your fuzzy cock Jenny McCarthy nude at MrSkin.com.

Britney Spears Attends Something Other Than a Gas Station Toilet

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:48:00 +0000

Pop star and unofficial symbol of our great nation Britney Spears took some time out from custody-battling and weave-matting to make an unexpected appearance an a fund raiser for children with autism. Says Us Weekly:

Britney Spears made a surprise appearance at a fundraiser for Jenny McCarthy's autism charity Generation Rescue Saturday in Los Angeles.

As guests like McCarthy's beau [Jim Carrey] and Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller made the rounds, Spears, 26, sipped on red wine.

Spears, 26, "definitely looked happy," a witness tells Usmagazine.com. "She was clapping and smiling a lot."

When asked why she was attending the event, Britney said, "Oh, that's easy! My kids are autistic!" "Really?" a reporter asked incredulously. "Oh yeah," Britney replied. "Jayden James likes to use his boom-boom as finger paint. And Sean Preston, he's real autistic. Give him some Play-Doh and he can sculpt a replica of Mama's lollipops so real I tried to smoke one once. Hyuck! Hyuck!"

Britney shows it off at MrSkin.com.

Who Wore It Best?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:31:57 +0000

Both Jenny McCarthy and beau Jim Carrey dazzle in a dare-to-bare, super-sexy one-piece in an inky hue. Jenny keeps it simple with tinted shades and no jewelry, letting her hot mama beach bod take center stage, but Jim's addition of an age-appropriate yet elegant backwards baseball cap and a semi-tucked moose knuckle in lieu of human female breasts edges him over the top into the winner's circle!

Jenny Mac gets very naked at MrSkin.com.

Jenny McKini

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:59:56 +0000

Jenny McCarthy has been a spokesperson for Weight Watchers for the last year or so. Though by the looks of these pictures of her in a bikini, she needn't be counting flex points. We busted out a protractor, abacus, and divining rod and were only able to find a half an ounce of fat on Jenny's body. Which was located below the navel, at the juncture of her legs to her torso. It's really weird, but there's a little flap of flab there. More specifically, two flaps. And it appears that her bikini bottoms have cleaved in between these flappy flaps. It kind of resembles, we dunno, like the area between toes. The toes of a large hooved mammal, maybe one native to desert areas? Like a camel or something. It's really odd.

Jenny Mac is nudey nude at MrSkin.com.

Scarlett Johansson Sexier Than Jessica Alba; Adjust Masturbation Schedule Accordingly

Agent E. — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 17:50:27 +0000

Another day, another lad mag tells you whom you should masturbate to tonight. And in what may be the upset of the century–or at least right behind that whole Crash/Brokeback Mountain thing–Scarlett Johansson is now your top masturbatory fantasy. Jessica Alba is crying into her no-nudity clause as we speak.

Not even two months ago, Ask Men compiled a list of totally hot and unobtainable women who would think that you are a gross, smelly little troll. But apparently that was not good enough for the men of America, so FHM had to step up to the plate and re-rank the world's most beautiful women, with quite a different outcome. Who are the world's top ten sexiest women, according to FHM?

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Jessica Alba
4. Jessica Simpson
5. Keira Knightley
6. Halle Berry
7. Jenny McCarthy
8. Maria Sharapova
9. Carmen Electra
10. Teri Hatcher

Most of the list is pretty expected and, we might as well say it, pedestrian. We mean, Angelina Jolie is hot? We had no fucking idea. Way to be creative, guys. But Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra were thrown in to prove that FHM readers like farts almost as much as they like tits (they are mostly fourteen, after all). And Teri Hatcher's inclusion on the list? That must mean that FHM readers are so attached to the blow-up dolls they keep stashed in their closets that they can no longer tell the difference between real human-grown flesh and a crudely whittled hunk of plastic.

Nine of those ten ladies are at MrSkin.com. Why don't you start with Scarlett and work your way down the list?

Apparently Jenny McCarthy Can See into Your Fantasies

Agent E. — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 17:55:07 +0000

Our high-school guidance counselor was really against the idea of us starting up our own traveling orgy that sought out lonely ex-Playmates and comforted them with lots and lots of naked flesh. And we must admit that up until this point the venture has not borne too many profits, but that's what Jenny McCarthy is for. She can't wait to get totally naked with us and all of our D&D buddies. Take that, Mr. Feinstein.

Recently we brought you the story of hot girl-on-girl action between Jenny McCarthy and Jenna Jameson, which McCarthy later denied. But it looks like Jenny may need to hunt down Jenna pretty soon, as she's definitely one girl who would know where to find a big ol' orgy. Jenny said:

"I always wanted an orgy to see what it was like, but never got the opportunity. I have good boobs and I know they'd get a lot of attention. Hey if someone's tickling my body parts I'm happy."

We're sorry we don't have time to finish this story, but we're already hiding in the bushes outside the Playboy mansion waiting to offer Jenny our services.

Are Jenny's boobs really that good? You decide at MrSkin.com.

Jenna on Jenny. Literally.

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 17:59:38 +0000

We say "Jenna Jameson having sex" and you spring to attention. We say "Jenny McCarthy having sex" and you say, "Jolly good, CelebNewsWire, I am listening! Do go on!" We say "Jenna Jameson and Jenny McCarthy having sexy, sexual sex with each other" and you spontaneously burst into flames.

OMG did you hear? Jenna and Jenny totally DID IT and now they are in lesbo love and they are so totally both pregnant with each other's babies and stuff!!!!! But seriously, on Wednesday morning, Jameson admitted to Howard Stern that she'd hooked up with gross-out tit-com star McCarthy. The two had apparently been acquaintances for years, but they first consummated their Dirty Love on Halloween, at a party in Las Vegas. According to Jenna, they started "making out and touching" on the dance floor, then moved the action to the highly romantic setting of a bathroom stall, where Jenny "sideswiped" Jenna's undergear and gave her a "quick lick," but Jenna was too nervous to blow a load.

Too nervous in a private bathroom stall, but during a radio broadcast, and in front of an entire crew: no problemo! After relaying the Sapphic, graphic tale, Jenna hopped on Howard's Sybian machine (no home is complete without one! We keep ours next to the Ionic Breezô!) and proceeded to have an O.G. on satellite radio. And if that isn't enough, there are pictures. She looks like she's taking a dump on a pommel horse. A sexy dump.

Is Jenna Jameson naked at MrSkin.com? Does a bear shit in the woods?

Jenny Mac's also there. You betcha.

Meet Jenny McCarthy's Best Friend, the Buzz-O-Matic 3000

Agent E. — Fri, 23 Sep 2005 17:58:52 +0000

We never thought weíd mention the name Jenny McCarthy on two consecutive days, but weíve never been one to pass up a story about a lady talking about her vibrator.

The recently separated McCarthy ran off her filthy and sexy mouth to Lloyd Grove of The New York Daily News when asked about rumors that sheís dating Jim Carrey, which she denied. She said, ìThere's not going to be a rebound guy. All I know is, I've become best friends with my vibrator. And that's what I plan on getting sex from. Invest in Duracell! I go through a lot of batteries." That brings to mind lovely thoughts of the two best friends having sleepovers, braiding each otherís hair, eating H‰agen-Dazs from the carton and spray cheese from the can while watching The Way We Were and crying all night long. Such a lovely picture. But of course these days when anyone talks about their vibrator there has to be a comparison to that dirty girl Eva Longoria, who just wonít shut up about the damn things. McCarthy said of Longoria, "Ah, she's getting [sex], who are we kidding?" And when Grove asked from whom, she said, "Everyone!" Longoriaís flack were not delighted with the implication that their reportedly engaged client was a big fat hobag and stressed that sheís in a long-term, monogamous relationship. We think the next step in this developing catfight should be a hair-pulling, bitch-slapping, anything-goes mud-wrestling cage match between McCarthy and Longoria. And sponsored and videotaped by Playboy, of course.

See what makes Jenny a dirty girl at MrSkin.com.

And don't forget Eva.