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Tag Archives: Jennifer Garner

A Public Service Announcement

This is a picture of Jennifer Garner. She has a boyish body and very small breasts, which sometimes make her stomach more prominent. Sometimes she wears shirts that are tight and you can see the contour of her stomach beneath the fabric. For those of you who have never seen the naked body of a [...]

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CNW Junk Drawer: Sexy in Kindergarten

ï Cameron Diaz has tiny nipples atop her tiny breasts underneath a tiny shirt. No tiny bra in sight. (Drunken Stepfather
ï Jennifer Garner may have allowed Ben Affleck to ejaculate into her vaginal canal during ovulation again. (FemaleFirst)
ï Angelina got more ass between juice breaks in kindergarten than you're getting now. (Bricks [...]

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Jennifer Garner Rolls It, Pats It, Marks It with a "B"

Remember when Jennifer Garner was on that show called Hot Buff Broad in Wigs or whatever it was? Then she got 'Flecked. His semen was like meth in that it drained the user of her youthful bloom. She began favoring jeans labeled "relaxed-seat Riders" and appeared in public with Zwieback-tinged spit-up on her sleeves. Sure, [...]

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CNW Junk Drawer: Chokin' 9 to 5

Rip Torn got ripped. And then he drove. And then he got arrested. And became the subject of the foxiest mug shot since Nick Nolte’s.
Sophie Marceau showing nipples is much more interesting than Marcel Marceau . . . miming . . . nipples. Or something.
Scarlett Johansson is not opposed to doing nudity. [...]

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Baby Affleck Is Here! Baby Affleck Is Here!

Jennifer Garner, who has seriously been pregnant for over two years, finally belched that wee babe out of her Fleck-tainted womb yesterday. It's a girl, and they have reportedly named her Violet Affleck. Violent Affect. Violate Afflack. Violin Affluence. Silent Chaffsex. Pilates Calf-flex.

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Daredevil and Elektra Say, "Drink Your Buckies!"

Jennifer Garner is still all kinds of full of baby, even though it seems she's been pregnant since the Carter administration. Our money was on the tyke popping out at the Thanksgiving table. "It's coming right now, there's no time for an ambulance! Just throw the turkey on the floor and splay her out on [...]

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Garner Gives Vintage Nip

We prefer to remember Jennifer Garner as she once was. A fresh-faced, innocent young upstart, flat of abdomen and unsullied by the also-ran stench of Fleck. For our Monday morning nip slip, we travel back to a simpler time.

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CNW Junk Drawer: Bared Boobies N' Big Bellies

ï The fatcats behind Jessica Alba's recent movies have messed with perfection. They must pay. Oh, wait, they made her boobs BIGGER? Oh. Carry on.
ï Is Gwyneth Paltrow with child again? If true, congrats! And welcome, little Pomegranate Martin!
ï Lara Flynn Boyle's lips just keep getting more blown up. That's bad. But the [...]

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Nothin' Says Lovin' Like Jen Garner's Biscuits

Jennifer Garner's revealed that the bun in her oven is best topped off with two piping hot "biscuits". And we'd like to offer her a little butter for them. How delightfully crass!

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J. Lo Gets Depressed, Damns Gods of Fertility

Jennifer is sad. And for once weíre not talking about Jennifer Aniston. Rather Jennifer Lopez got bummed the fuck out when a reporter for Elle magazine asked her about Ben Affleckís new marriage and incubating spawn.

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