CelebNewsWire» Jennifer Garner Archives – CelebNewsWire

Garfleck the Younger Has a Name Now

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:52:10 +0000

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are not as dumb as they look. They know that if they wait a week to release their newborn baby's name, people will have stopped speculating and caring and thus the impact of its stupidity will be lessened. Well-played, Garfleck, you handsome, large-chinned couple. People mag scoops it:

A week after their second daughter's birth, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have announced her name, Garner's reps tell PEOPLE exclusively.

It is Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck.

The baby was born Jan. 6 in Los Angeles. Garner and Affleck, both 36, are also parents to daughter Violet, 3.

We guess as far as naming your child after a Whoopi Goldberg movie goes, Seraphina is probably your best bet. Unless you were to go with Jumpin' Jack Flash Affleck, but duh, that's a boy's name.

Garfleck II: Revenge of Garfleck

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:56:29 +0000

In spite of the Oscar, Ben Affleck isn't really good at a lot of stuff. He's not outstandingly handsome or intelligent or funny. His acting kind of smells. But one thing he's good at is ejaculating into Jennifer Garner, who gave birth to the couple's second daughter yesterday. US Weekly scoops it:

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have welcomed another girl, their rep confirms. The baby was born Tuesday in Los Angeles and is healthy.

A smiling Garner was spotted being wheeled on a roll-away hospital bed as she was taken to her room. A blanket was draped over her, and it appeared that she was holding the baby.

No name has been released, but since their first kid is named Violet, we're assuming they'll go for a floral theme. Unfortunately, Rebecca Romijn just cornered the marked on Rose and Tulip and Kate Beckinsale has Lily, so pretty much all they're left with is Stinkweed or Corpse Flower. Corpse Flower Affleck. That's a pretty name.

A Bunch of People Who Have Too Much Damn Money

Agent E. — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:16:41 +0000

Most people go to the office, work super hard while their bosses are out playing golf, and instead of heaps of credit and a corner office and huge pay raises they get an FTD teddy bear bouquet as a Christmas bonus. But movie stars aren't like most people. They make a decent flick or two then it's off to A-list land, where no paycheck has fewer than seven zeros and nobody cares if you actually do good work as long as your famous name appears above the title. This is how movie stars get to foist piles of dog shit at the public, call them "blockbusters", and get paid at least 20 mil for the effort. But there are a few stars that the rich man's periodical Forbes thinks need to start earning minimum wage to learn a lesson or two.

1. Nicole Kidman
2. Jennifer Garner
3. Tom Cruise
4. Cameron Diaz
5. Jennifer Lopez
6. Jim Carrey
7. Nicolas Cage
8. Drew Barrymore
9. Will Ferrell
10. Cate Blanchett

Moist of these we understand; what a bunch of turkeys these hacks have turned out (besides the lovely, talented, irreplaceable, poured-from-porcelain Cate Blanchett, of course). But Cameron Diaz? She is worth every single shiny penny. Did you see What Happens in Vegas? That film was a touching tale of how to find love through humility that spoke to every single human being with a beating heart. And you just can't put a price on meaning like that.

Jennifer Garner Incubating Another Spawn

Agent E. — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:10:14 +0000

It seems that the press has had their fingers crossed that Jennifer Garner had another Fleck in her baby maker pretty much since little Violet was crowning. Well, it looks like they've finally got their wish, as Jen is reportedly all full o' fetus once again. Reports Us Weekly:

Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are expecting another baby, Garnerís former Alias co-star Victor Garber confirms to Usmagazine.com.

"Yes, she is," Garber, who currently stars on ABC's Eli Stone, told Us in a taped interview when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting.

(Garber officiated the couple's 2005 wedding.)

A source adds, "She is five months pregnant. They are very happy."

Garner, 36, and Affleck, 35, are parents to two-year-old daughter Violet – one of Us' Babies of the Year.

That Garber sure does have a big mouth. We're sure that right after he spilled the beans he said, "See, I'm worth talking to, Mr. Reporterman. I know famous people. They tell me secrets. And I'll tell you everything, if you watch my show, Eli Stone. Katie Holmes is going to be on it. She's famous. And Jonny Lee Miller! He was married to Angelina Jolie. She's famous too! Do you want to know about her babies? Because I know. I'm hip."

Jennifer Garner nude: Sydney Bristow slips crackage at MrSkin.com.

Jennifer Garner Survives Harrowing Busey Attack

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 17:25:48 +0000

Gary Busey is like a dildo secreted away inside a Jello salad at a family reunion: unexpected and fun for everyone! During an interminably long red carpet session prior to last night’s Oscar ceremony, the pink-hued mega-star showed up, inexplicably, to zazz up the night with his inimitable grace.

Inimitable grace, tombstone teeth, and a sexual assault upon Jennifer Garner’s person.

CNW Junk Drawer: Leg-Spreading and Fetus-Getting

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:31:22 +0000

ï Cleava Mendes. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï "Dear Brad Renfro. We came over to fuck you but you were dead. Love, Tiffany and Amber." Rest in peace, Brad. (Fatback and Collards)

ï We want to "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!", honestly we do, but we just can't when she keeps flipping us her outer labes. (Taxi Driver)

ï Jenna Jameson swears that she will "never spread her legs" for the porn industry again. She will spread Philadelphia's whipped strawberry cream cheese, though. It's the wonderfully spreadable, sweetly fruity topping with only 60 calories per serving! (IDLYITW)

ï Alessandra Ambrosio caught Pregnant, too. (The Blemish)

ï Zac Efron was rushed to the emergency room for an emergency highlighting. Those buttery chunks ain't gonna streak themselves. (Derek Hail)

ï Lumps on Halle Berry's torso: now there are three. (Daily Stab)

ï "Now that bulbs flashing more than ever/You can see under my dress, fellas. Ellas. Ellas. Ay. Ay." (Cityrag)

ï Jennifer Garner may have been the original target of Tom's Cruise missile of love. (Superficial)

2007 VMAs = Very Mundane Awards

Agent E. — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 17:55:06 +0000

So the VMAs were last night. And in between stifled yawns and many, many glasses of Arbor Mist (it's like juice–but with booze!), we made a few observations. First, BeyoncÈ's boobs are really jiggly. Sarah Silverman is still not funny just because she's mean (AND she has now made us feel sympathy for Paris Hilton TWICE, and for that she must pay). We are old and completely out of touch and have no idea who this Chris Brown fellow is, but boy can dance (though he can't lip sync worth a damn). Kid Rock and Tommy Lee need to chill the fuck out; we're sure Pammy would still screw them both so there's no need to fight over who gets the privilege. Some people were walking around with little silver statues, but we're not sure why; maybe they were cool new accessories, like Kanye West's sunglasses. Dr. Dre looked like he shopped for his awards-show duds in the closet of either Hans or Franz. Rihanna's dress was really, really tight and her hair was inexplicably awesome.

Paris Hilton's dress was really, really tight and her hair was explicably horrendous–but still a lovely tribute to Florence Henderson.

The part of Jennifer Garner was filled by her Madame Tussaud's wax figure–and had really awful hair.

And we feel like there was something else we were going to mention. God. What was it? There is nothing left in our head concerning last night's awards ceremony. Did something else happen? We just can't remember.

Oh yeah, Britney. Duh. Nobody's talking about it this morning, so it totally slipped our mind. If you don't already know it's Britney, bitch, you can watch the stellar performance here. For days, maybe even weeks, we had been mentally preparing ourselves for a performance that Britney promised would be "shocking". Yet there was no voodoo sacrifice, no magical illusions, not even any simulated live sex. It was basically a rehashing of her "Slave 4 U" video but with less energy, less sweat, and everyone dressed in black instead of bright hues. We've seen more shocking–and more entertaining–performances on CSPAN.

Don't Touch Jennifer Garner's Boobies

Agent E. — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 17:55:31 +0000

Jennifer Garner doesn't care if you punch her in the face, scratch up her skin, or pull her hair, just don't touch her boobs. Those things are sacred. Our gossip sensei, FemaleFirst, says:

Jennifer Garner banned co-stars from going near her boobs during fight scenes in her latest movie.

The 'Alias' star – who was breastfeeding daughter Violet at the time of filming – revealed she got beaten up for real on the set of 'The Kingdom', but her breasts were off limits.

Jennifer told People magazine: "It was so down and dirty that I had scratch marks that we had to cover up on my face for the next few days.

"But the guy I was fighting had to stay away from my boobs because I was breastfeeding. That was the one sacred thing. He could go for my head, pull my hair, just not the boobs.

"I gave as good as I got, I even bit his ear. It was great!"

The '13 Going On 30' star also revealed her husband Ben Affleck was not at all concerned when he came to the set to watch her in the violent fight scenes.

She said: "He was just like 'Go, go for it, babe! Harder!' I thought it would have made him a little bit nervous to see people chucking me against the wall, harder and harder with every take."

We know that Jennifer is a bona fide action star, but it's been a long time since Alias, a time filled with Affleckian delights and many, many afternoons in the park. So there two possibilities regarding Jen's innate ass-kicking urges: she's been bottling up every thirst she had for onscreen violence, knowing that in time she would be cast opposite Jamie Foxx and could get sweet, sweet revenge for the annoyingness of his repeated Ray acceptance speeches, or Jen and the Fleck have a seriously hot sex life.

CNW Junk Drawer: "Did Not Do Drugs They're Not Mine"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:29:56 +0000

ï Lindsay tells Billy Bush, "Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they're not mine." Well, technically the drugs they found weren't "done" yet because they were in her pocket. So . . . yeah! Innocent! (TMZ)

ï Lily Allen does not suffer Courtney Loves gladly. (Celeb Warship)

ï Eva Mendes sends Jane mag off to the glue factory with a hearty strippin'. (Cityrag)

ï Penelope Cruz in shocking eyelash controversy! (Celebitchy)

ï Kim Kardashian to bring her bustle-like humpback heinie to Playboy? (Derek Hail)

ï When Hilary Duff was a baby, her mom spiked her like a football. Over and over. (Hollywood Grind)

ï Jennifer Garner rocks a lacy 1998 momthong. (Taxi Driver)

ï What's longer: Rihanna's legs or her forehead? The world may never know. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jennifer Garner Proves Emptiness of Uterus with Teeny Bikini

Agent E. — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 17:55:08 +0000

It seems that in her down time, when she's not having a grand old time being the happiest Norman Rockwell painting come to life, Jennifer Garner is a fan of gossip blogs. Sure, her tiny little bikini can be explained by the fact that she's on vacation in Hawaii, but she's been there for weeks it seems, and this is the first time we've seen her in beach attire. No, last week Jen read everyone's harsh words about the possibility of Fleck semen fermenting in her lady innards and decided to teach them a lesson (but not us; Jen's knows we've been on her side all along). In the picture at the left there she's saying, "So you think I'm pulling this wet suit thingy away from my belly to hide my growing fetus, do ya? Well, I'll show you."

And in this one she's obviously saying, "Take that, bitches. I just came from kicking Fabio's ass in a tight abs contest. Why else did you think I was in Hawaii? My beautifully pale ass obviously doesn't like the sun."

Jen shows off her baby-free belly at Faded Youth.

And see Jen at her tight-tummied best at MrSkin.com.