• Jenna Fischer is engaged. And not to you. Suckerrrrr. (Fatback)
• Rachel Weisz wants a Botox ban for actors. Easy for you to say, Miss Prettyface Pretty of Prettytown. What about the rest of us Buseys? (Amy Grindhouse)
• Large-eared, fame-starved dermatologist Arnold Klein says he didn’t father Michael Jackson’s kids. Maybe. Probably not. Not to the best of his knowledge. Well, he did jizz into a cup once, but where that jizz went is anyone’s guess. (Hollywood Grind)
• Lily Allen topless in i-D mag. Did they airbrush out the triple nipple? (Egotastic!)
• Lady Gaga denies the world her vagina. (I Don’t Like You In That Way)
• We may be headed back to the world of the shaved head and latte IV drip. Pull it together, Britney. (Bitten and Bound)
• Kendra Wilkinson will instill the fear of bras into her child. Fear of God, fear of bras. Whatever. (Yeeeah!)
• Kristen Stewart knocked up by Robert Pattinson. Listen, movie execs. If you’re going to start rumors to sell movie tickets, start ones that won’t end with 300 irate 11-year-old girls stabbing K-Stew to death with iCarly scented pens. (Allie Is Wired)
• Mr Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes list . . . almost at the halfway mark! (Mr Skin)
• Prince Harry is “smitten” with Natalie Imbruglia. Is this the next hot dating craze? Royals and ’90s songstresses? Can’t wait until Prince Wills hooks up with Joan Osbourne. (Digital Spy)

"Since we didn't have to cook [at night], it left time for hanky-panky! [It's] the best invention since the microwave for busy women who want a home-cooked meal."

The funny part is imagining all the maroons who stopped reading before the quote and ran out and stuck their dicks in the crock pot. That gives new meaning to "meat so tender it falls off the bone".

"I had been living in Los Angeles for about a year and was a member of a theatre company. One night, after a play, I went to a party and ran into the playwright.

"He said, 'What's your story?' I said, 'I'm from St. Louis. I just got here. I want to be an actress.'

"He said, 'I'm writing a film, and I think you'd be great for it. But I have a question for you – would you ever do a raunchy sex scene in a movie? Like really raunchy, with nudity?' "I kind of laughed and said, 'Well, I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't be proud to show my parents.' And he said, 'Well, you're not a real actress, then.' I was stunned.

"He said, 'A real actress would say yes. A real actress would piss herself onstage if that's what it took. Sylvester Stallone did porn . . . Shelley Winters pissed herself onstage. Every play, every movie I write has nudity in it. You know why? Because that's how I know if I'm working with real actors. You're not a real actress. You should just go home. You don't have what it takes.'

"I went home and cried and cried and cried. What an asshole, I should have told him, 'How about I piss on your face? Does that make me a real actress? Let's try that. I'll do that right here. I'll do that today.' Bring me Shem Bitterman."

We were wondering what kind of harrowing stories of raunchy sexual onstage peeing this Shem Bitterman was responsible for, so we checked out his rÈsumÈ on IMDb and found out that he not only penned the touching, award-winning script for Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, but his current outing, a comedy called Play Dead, is full of real actors. Real actors who would get raunchy and naked onscreen. Real actors who would happily and graciously befoul themselves for their art. Real actors named Jake Busey and Fred Durst. Truly, it takes a man who penned the songs "Nookie" and "Stink Finger" to successfully bring your dramatic vision to the big screen.

More sexiness from Jenna Fischer at MrSkin.com.

"We have chosen to separate. We are sorry for any pain this causes family and friends. The enthusiasm we have expressed for each other's lives, spirits and careers is real – we have been each other's cheerleader and friend during the past six years and continue to be so now and in the future."

This is really gonna be burning up Slashdot, seeing how Fischer is the #1 crush of dorks everywhere. Maybe she'll have a lesbian affair with Kari Byron from Mythbusters and Fark.com will crash from all the masturbatory posts.

Jenna looks juicy in pics and clips at iMrSkin.com.

ï Bryce Dallas Howard is baking up a big batch of baby.

ï Kate Bosworth ate! Ate cigarettes, water, and lettuce. Baby steps, people.

ï Pam from The Office becomes Pam from The Duff-ass.

ï When Janet Jackson wants her water cold, she wants her water cold, dammit. Also, yes, she did feel that pea placed under her 12 mattresses last night.

ï Newly-separated Dave Navarro is dating newly-separated Jenna Jameson. And she's now #1 on his MySpace Top 8, so you know it's love.

ï Jen and Vince: engaged! Whhheeeeeeee! Yayyyyy! Whoooo! Who gives a crap! All riiiiight!

ï Robin Williams is in rehab. Body hair rehab, we hope.

ï Sienna Miller dons dirty pink cowboy boots, a wedding dress, a red Cleopatra wig, and an exposed upskirt cotton panty look. Indeed, she is truly the fashion icon of our time.