ï Jenny McCarthy and Botox, sitting in a tree. (IMDb)

ï On again/off again couple Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are off again. Until the engagement rumors start, oh, in 5 hours or so. (The Blemish)

ï Katy Perry sexy in Esquire magazine. She's got big chugs and we like it. (Yeeeah!)

ï Chris Brown will not be receiving a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award, despite him being a terrific role model for children, what with the girlfriend beating and all. (Anything Hollywood)

ï It's rumored that 3 of the Kardashian sisters will get nude in Playboy. Best have a tri-fold cover to house all dat azz. (Faded Youth)

ï Anne Heche gave birth to her second son yesterday. His name is Atlas. Who gave Celestia a copy of 1001 Names for Your Newborn? (Celebitchy)

ï According to the folks at Dancing with the Stars, Denise Richards is a harridan on par with Faye Dunaway mixed with Joan Crawford mixed with Helen Lawson. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Aw. Poor James Franco. Little guy's all tuckered out. Shhh. (CelebWarship)

ï Holly Madison will be replacing an injured Jewel on Dancing with the Stars. Because to find someone to fill Jewel's shoes, they needed someone with similarly large chugs. (Daily Stab)

ï So maybe Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green aren't really broken up after all. Because, apparently, she's "addicted" to his ding dong. Here, have a bucket for that retching. There ya go. (Yeeeah!)

ï Ashlee Simpson brings Bronx Mowgli out into the urban jungle. Hahahaha, get it? (CelebWarship)

ï Miley Cyrus admits she underwent harrowing bullying at school. Then she came home and jumped in her swimming pool full of mink stoles and had the Hope Diamond for dinner. (Wesbster's Is My Bitch)

ï Kanye West's new beard girlfriend, Amber Rose, is frankly quite hot. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï James Franco got a book deal. Okay. (Celebitchy)

ï Hollywood dudes who wear too much makeup. Hahahaha! Look at you! Nice mascara, pansy! Bwahahaha! (Bitten and Bound)

ï Phil Collins has retired from music to collect artifacts from the Alamo. Because he can. (Holy Moly)

Sean Pennís ìMilkî costar James Franco has further dished about the pairís lengthy on-screen kiss. Franco told Out magazine, ìAfter our [on-screen] kiss, Sean texted Madonna – his ex-wife, Madonna – and said, ëI just popped my cherry kissing a guy. I thought of you. I donít know why.'"

Aw, that's sweet. Not as sweet as "I just got a train ran on me by 6 leather daddies and thought of you", and not nearly as touching as "anal fisting: accomplished! Thinking of you", but still, the sentiment is there.

When I read the script, there was like, one kissing scene. No problem. It's acting….So, but as soon as I signed on I get a new script. Page five, like, full-on love scene. There's like three to five new love scenes in the movie. Gus! What's goin' on? And he said, well, Sean wants it. Sean asked for the love scene.

Sean's doin it. If he wants to do it, who am I to say no? So the first day of shooting I had to do this scene where everybody else is in clothes and I have to dive into the pool naked. And I was very uncomfortable but the make-up artist on the day handed me this prosthetic penis and said here, you can wear this. It'll make you more comfortable…The scene went on for a long time, like half the day. It's just getting old ó diving into this pool naked. And I go over to Sean and I guess he didn't know I was wearing a prosthetic. And I said to Sean, 'You are such a great actor. You wouldn't do a scene like this if they asked . You wouldn't dive into the pool naked,' and he said, not knowing I was wearing a prosthetic he said, 'Well James, if I was built like you, I would.' I didn't say anything. Cut to a couple weeks later we did this scene. We're both dancing and we're both naked, and we both now had prosthetic penises. He finally put it together that I'm wearing the Boogie Nights prosthetic. And he said 'James that time in the pool!' And I said 'Yeah I was wearing the prosthetic.' And he said 'God, I'm so relieved.' And then, he's like 'You show me your prosthetic, I'll show you mine.'

We're kind of surprised that Penn wasn't able to spot the stand-in schlong immediately. We would have thought that he would have ample rubber ramrod experience after being married to Madonna.

SNORTED 20 lines of cocaine in ONE night alone

STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table

BRAGGED of wild sex sessions with a host of celebrities including singer James Blunt and model Calum Best.

STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table

BRAGGED: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law."

The mag's source says:

"That night I saw her do more than 20 big lines of cocaine. She was still up doing drugs at 11am even though she had started about 8pm the night before.

"She wasn't even trying to hide it and was blatantly doing it off table tops, keys, books and in the wardrobe, where she was hunched over with her legs crossed almost bent in half doing it off some magazine on the floor.

"I remember looking at her and thinking how pathetic she looked and how out of control she had become.

"When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her.

"I have lost count of the number of times I have watched as she stripped naked in front of everyone.

"Then she loves to check herself out in the mirror as she parades around with her boobs hanging out.

"One night we had gone back to her place and, as always, as soon as she walked through the door she stripped down to her thong, bent down and snorted cocaine off her coffee table and then off her toilet seat."

Oh, and about all those dudes she's f'ed:

"She has told me that she has slept with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco," admitted the friend.

"She loves Brits and has told me she has slept with the singer James Blunt a few times over the past month.

"The last time was on April 15 after another house party. I think they went back to a hotel together afterwards. She is very protective over him and when she heard I had met him she sent me a text saying, ëStay away from him Bitch, he is mine.'

"Lindsay told me she has messed around with Leonardo DiCaprio a while ago too but claimed that she didn't sleep with him.

"She also flew to New York about two months ago to go to bed with Jude Law.

"Last November she slept with Calum Best. She didn't tell me if he was any good but she is usually too wasted to know what is going on anyway."

Hey, we're not done yet:

"Going to rehab was all for publicity. She wanted people to see her seeking help but it hasn't got her off the drugs at all.

"In an average night Lindsay will do two and half grams of coke on her own.

"She doesn't buy itóshe is given it by friends and acquaintances, and it turns her into an angry monster. I have watched many a time Lindsay treating her staff like crap."

Aaaaand here's a picture of Lindsay giving her friend a little assistance (if you doubt it's her, check out the entire set):

The handsome ìSpider-Manî star rebuffed her at Princeís Golden Globes after-party at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel Monday night, reducing Lohan to tears, a fellow guest tells us.

ìShe came with her manager, Jason Weinberg, and a girlfriend, but she was mostly solo for the whole night,î says our source. ìMost people were in a good mood ó except for her. She seemed lost. She was trying to get Jamesí attention, and he wouldnít give her anything. She was smoking a lot, not drinking in front of him, and then she went into a bedroom. From there, she went back to trying to get Jamesí attention again, and he was ignoring her. She ran out crying, with the girlfriend following her.î

This was about 3:30 a.m.; Lohan was reportedly found passed out in a hotel hallway about 6 a.m.

Perhaps the James Franco rejection was a much-needed wake-up call to Lindsay. If left untreated, her addiction to horridly underqualified pseudo pretty-boy "actors" could have led to harder substances, like Paul Walker or Dax Shepard.

Young and healthy Lindsay can be found at MrSkin.com.

Why is Lindsay Lohan wearing two watches? The ìMean Girlsî star bought one for ìSpider-Manî star James Franco ó who sheís been trying to date since the summer. ìLindsay bought James this expensive watch but he refused to wear it,î a source told The Star. ìAnd she ended up wearing it on her wrist with her own watch, like a tribute to her unrequited desire.î

Some people might be disturbed by this information and think that Lindsay needs to seek some professional help, but not us. We won't be concerned until Lindsay roots through James's trash for his toenail clippings and builds a doll out of them or seduces his doctor in an attempt to collect James's urine and stool samples.

Start your own Lindsay obsession at MrSkin.com.