Jaime’s happy day was balanced out by the heartbreak of a lesser celebrity. Way lesser. Emmy Rossum is no longer a Sadie, Sadie, married lady. We’d love to give you details on this split, but we’re too confused trying to remember who Emmy Rossum is. When we first read the story, we thought, “Emma Roberts is getting divorced? Isn’t she like 15?” But no. Emmy is someone else. She might be in movies, we think. Or sing maybe? Although our best guess is that she’s actually grown-up Vicki the Robot who shows up on every red carpet and smiles a lot until she needs to be recharged. That seems the sensible answer.

Also wed this weekend was Claire Danes, who no longer has a very fancy fiance now that she’s married to Hugh Dancy. Do you think there was lots of fancy dancing at the ceremony? Or do you think Dancy was nervous and had antsies in his pantsies for the whole thing to be done with?

Also calling it quits were Fred Durst and some pretty lady, who were married for a whopping three months. Our guess is that it took Esther those three months to figure out the YouTubes and find the “Nookie” video. Either that, or he asked her to touch his balls and his ass.

The only question left is who will pay for the marriage of Khloe Kardashian? Everyone. Everyone will pay. Or at least everyone with a subscription to OK!

You know what’s more fun than touching Fred Drust’s balls and ass? Subscribing to CelebNewsWire’s RSS feed.

She said: "My kid is really loud. He is just like 'MOMMY' all the time. And I'll be standing right next to him. He means no harm. He just wants a cup of Cuban coffee!"

Jaime also revealed her son's addiction is being encouraged by [her boyfriend] Cuban-born Eric Cubiche.

She added: "You think when Eric and Dezi are speaking to each other in Spanish they're mad, but they're really just saying, 'Hey, do you want to go get a cup of coffee?'"

The 31-year-old actress added she was surprised that Dezi didn't inherit his father's dark skin. She said: "Eric is very, very, very dark. He's Cuban with an olive complexion. Dezi came out looking like me. It's pretty crazy! Although he does tan really well!"

Ah, yes, nothing follows up a few shots of Cuban espresso quite like putting your infant in the sun for seven hours to achieve that deep, dark Hollywood glow. Of course, a sippy cup full of Diet Red Bull is a good way to keep that baby fat at bay while making sure your child has enough pep to get through a few rounds of Farmer in the Dell. It's in Dr. Spock, look it up.

See hot mama Pressly nude at MrSkin.com.

ï And speaking of Megan Fox, her former(?) fiance Brian Austin Green denies the breakup rumors, says the couple are "solid". Solid as a rock? So nothing's changed it? And what you're saying is that the feeling's still hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hot? (PopCrunch)

ï The first look at Jamie Lynn Spears's little baby, Maddie Briann. Maddie's next OK! cover: in thirteen years, when she marries cousin Sean Preston in a romantic toothless ceremony in Louisiana. (Dlisted)

ï David Lee Roth choked on some nuts. (TMZ)

ï Dane Cook is a shitty neighbor, literally. (Celebitchy)

ï Robert Rodriguez traded his wife in for Rose McGowan, and is now trading Rose McGowan for Kat Dennings. Next up: he trades Kat Dennings for Abigail Breslin. (Defamer)

ï Jennifer Lopez in a bikini. Post-twins, her abs are still flatter than yours, and her ass is still bigger than the sun. (Flisted)

ï Lilo and SamRo ride the pink caterpillar at Disneyland. Ohhhh yeaaaaah. (Holy Taco)

ï See Jaime Pressly in a bikini and you'll be nothin' but a horn dog. Eh? Yes? No? Bah. (IDLYITW)

ï New Paris Hilton TV show in the works. And no, sadly, it's not a Fear Factor type show involving a rocket sending her to the surface of the moon to see how long she can hold her breath. (Hollywire)

ï Bridget Moynahan is such a bitch, getting pregnant when she did so the baby's due date coincided with her then-boyfriend's future Brazilian supermodel girlfriend's birthday. How dare she? How dare she? (The Blemish)

ï Kelly Clarkson snacks upon weed cookies. (Cityrag)

ï Scary Spice is set to marry her new boyfriend, who has a "much bigger cock" than Eddie Murphy. Yeah, but IS he a much bigger cock than Eddie Murphy? Ho ho, we thought not. Wait, what? (Bossip)

ï Being pregnant totally grossed out Jaime Pressly. Awesome, because her naming her son "Dezi" totally grossed us out. And now we're even. (Celebitchy)

ï Dave Chappelle was hospitalized for "exhaustion". Because sitting on comically giant piles of money and not making any new shows really takes it out of a guy. (Bricks and Stones)

ï Jon Lovitz wiped up a bar with Andy Dick's stupid face. We Lovitz! (Derek Hail)

ï Winona Ryder blames shoplifting on drugs. Which would also explain her sexual coupling with Dave Pirner. (Celeb Warship)

ï Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. That's right. Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. (Daily Stab)

Jaime has told PEOPLE the couple came up with their son's name as part of a running joke — the Cuban-descended Cubiche, 33, does a Desi Arnaz impersonation, calling Pressly "Luuucy" when he comes home at night. James is her father's name (and hers).

Thank you, Jaime Pressly, for breaking the cycle of Jaydens and Avas amongst the offspring of the glitterati. Let's hope this is the ushering in of a bold new golden age in which Hollywood's best and brightest will be popping out little Gidgets, Beavers, and Squiggys.

Naked Jaime is MILFy at MrSkin.com.

"These little saddlebags on the side of me right now – I've never had anything like that . . . And my boobs are completely out of control. When my milk comes in, I'm going to be able to feed a small village."

Man, everybody's jumping on the "celebrities save the world" bandwagon, Jaime. If only she'd revealed the news of her magical, village-nourishing snoobs earlier, Simon Cowell could have packed her up and shipped her off to Ghana with Bob Geldof to "give back". Why would Bob Geldof be there, you ask? Hair, baby. Beautiful, inspiring hair.

Jaime Pressly. Naked. Yes, that's right. At MrSkin.com.

And more naked ChloÎ at MrSkin.com.

Jaime, too.

Aisha as well.

Perkins too? You betcha.

Jenna Elfman, however, is not naked. But still, her pictures are cute.