When asked if Lindsay Lohan could make the cut for Playboy, her name had to be repeated several times before Hefner even realized who she was!

Fear not, Lindsay. Once it dawned on him, Hefner seemed open to the idea.

But then again, maybe this has nothing to do with Hef's advancing age. Maybe this just illustrates Lindsay's advancing irrelevance. Before long, her name will reside alongside the likes of Lori Petty and Martika in TMZ's annoyingly cutesy 'Memba Them?

ï Kendra Wilkinson says she sneaked some contraband penis into the Playboy mansion. (Yeeeah!)

ï Victoria Beckham models for Armani skivvies; miraculously does not look like a praying mantis while doing so. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Did Paula Abdul get her schnozz whacked?
(Cityrag)

ï Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey spice up their sex life with provocative dancing. Unfortunately, it's Jim who's sporting the unitard. (Evil Beet)

ï You should probably watch the premiere of The Beast tonight. If you don't, Patrick Swayze will get sad and die. (Seriously OMG WTF)

ï Hey, it's Nicollette Sheridan in her underdrawers. Wouldja lookit that. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were trapped under the same roof and it didn't even end up in a bloody dance-off. Mature! (Holy Moly)

ï Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber have a new baby boy. Mazel and tov to that. (Daily Stab)

ï Lily Allen sings "Womanizer". Nice, but we'd really like to hear her "Real Talk". (IDLYITW)

ï Rihanna's cleavage looks fake. Or pregnant. Or fake pregnant. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï From the "life sucks and is totally unfair, screw you Jesus" files: Peter Falk has Alzheimer's. (The Blemish)

ï Hugh Hefner's new girlfriend: young, Ukrainian, brunette. showing us her buttocks. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Kate Winslet is prettier than you. (F-listed)

ï Shenae Grimes, just two sniffs short of KateMossVille. (Evil Beet)

ï Katie Price likens Dita Von Teese's Playboy cover to BM. (Holy Moly)

ï Is Lindsay Lohan on the sauce again? Does the pope shit in the woods? (Celebitchy)

ï Check it out: pictures of Harry Potter's hairy peter. (Cityrag)

ï Hugh Hefner is like a father to Kendra Wilkinson. A father who joggles her fake jugs. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Joe Jonas dumped Taylor Swift for Camilla Belle. He has a very difficult life. (Yeeeah!)

ï Scarlett Johansson on the cover of some nerd mag with glasses and big old jiggly cleavage. (The Blemish)

ï The Adrienne Bailon nude pics were faked, but that doesn't mean you can't still masturbate to them. The glass, it's always half full with us. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Kristen Bell bikini pics. Veronica Mars is out of this world! God, that was so clever!!!! (Egotastic)

ï Hugh Jackman make a tinkle in his drawers onstage. Awwww, just like Fergie! (IMDb)

ï Right now, Brad and Angelina's adopted kids are looking around their filthy French chateau and thinking, "Screw this, man, there were fewer flies back in Ethiopia, man." (CelebWarship)

ï Kirk Cameron will NOT kiss any woman other than his wife onscreen; WILL star in a sitcom in which his best friend is called "Boner". (Holy Taco)

ï Susan Sarandon enjoyed beating the shit out of daughter Eva Amurri. For a movie! For a movie! (Daily Stab)

ï Dear Kim Kardashian: God would not have dealt you that colossal can and made you mambo on Dancing with the Stars if He didn't want you to shake it like a bottle of salad dressing. Wake up, Kim! Look alive! (F-listed)

ï The Girls Next Door: the truth comes out. You mean three large-breasted blondes in their twenties AREN'T banging an octogenarian? (Pop on the Pop)

ï Leighton Meester admits she was born in the slammer. (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï Top 5 Network TV Nude Scenes! (Mr. Skin)

ï It was mystical, magical water, and not a penis, that got Nicole Kidman pregnant. (The Blemish)

ï Britney Spears sex tape caps? We dunno, dudes. No Bagel Bite residue on anything, so . . . (Yeeeah!)

ï Mario Lopez kissed Fergie and lived to tell the tale. (Hollywire)

ï Heather Locklear just checked herself before she wrecked herself. Naw, she checked herself into a clinic to deal with depression and other psychological issues. (Faded Youth)

ï Amy Winehouse is out of the hospital and bustin' loose! Lock up your crack pipes and your Final Net! (CelebWarship)

ï Hugh Hefner banged a lot of dames. And his sister-in-law. And a dude. (Celebridiot)

ï In case you were wondering, Jennifer Lopez is still a joyless harridan asshole. (D-listed)

ï Pam Anderson bares her teeth, growls, and emits a fountain of champagne from her tit. (Cityrag)

ï Anne Hathway's now-ex boyfriend just got popped for posing as the Vatican's financial officer. Ahahaha, whatta cutup! (Daily Stab)

ï Katherine Heigl ditches the Huggabunch bikini in favor of the Rainbow Brite one. And pairs her UV rays with a few long hard drags off a cigarette. Cancerlicious! (Drunken Stepfather)

"Everyone has their time. And I think most 21- to 25-year-olds go through this kind of thing. Basically, they're being normal 21-year-olds, especially Lindsay (Lohan). I mean, most of that's pretty normal. If you went to most high schools, I could point out Britneys (Spears) and Lindsays."

Most 21- to 25-year-olds do go to rehab after crashing their luxury SUV into a tree while under the influence of cocaine and/or get involuntarily institutionalized after refusing to give up their children to their shants-and-cornrow-sporting ex-husband, yes. True, Miley.

In other Hannah Montana news, Hugh Hefner said that when Miley turns eighteen, he would be happy to feature her in Playboy. The old reprobate! Sez Hef:

"She would be welcomed in the magazine. She's a very pretty lady."

Then Hef leaned forward and said, "Very pretty! Prettier'n Betty Grable, even! Boy howdy, I tell you what. I would pin that Cyrus dame's pinup to the dash of my Packard any old time, I would I would. Then I could look at her whenever I was driving down to the mixer to get some leg. Here, have a Werther's Original." Because he's old, see.

HUGH Hefner got an early birthday surprise the other night when he and girlfriend Holly Madison entered his penthouse at the Palm in Vegas to be greeted by Pamela Anderson, who was stark naked except for a pair of high heels. "She was holding a cake, walked over to him, tussled his hair and wished him happy birthday. Hef couldn't believe it," one Playboy insider told us. "Pam wasn't paid to do it, she just wanted to show her love for Hef." The girly-mag czar turns a spry 82 today.

Is Hef the horniest man to ever walk the earth? Shouldn't his dick have fallen off from exhaustion about fifteen years ago? Or is he living on a constant cocktail of Adderall and Viagra? Perhaps he had a steel pole installed in his wang so he wouldn't have to go through the trouble of getting it up the old fashioned way. One of his rotating cast of girlfriends could just climb on while he's taking a nap.


See what Hef saw–Pammy naked–at MrSkin.com.

There could be an unusual role in Tom Cruiseís future: Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. Iím told by a SoFla-based movie insider that the 45-year-old star of Mission: Impossible and the upcoming Valkyrie is now eyeing the role of the sexual revolutionary Hef in a biopic set to start filming at Universal Pictures next year.

Miami Beach product Brett Ratner (X-Men 3 and Rush Hour 3) got the Playboy directorís job after Oliver Stone lost it and has sent the script to Cruise.

Word is that Cruise is tickled by the project, although no decision has been made.

ìA lot of people consider Tom for a lot of roles,î a Cruise publicist said.

Somehow we don’t think Tom’s choices in characterization would fit with the pic. Unless in his private life Hugh Hefner actually screeches like a girl and yells, “Ew, boobies!” when presented with a naked lady.

And now we will assault your senses of sight and sound with the trailer for Tommy’s upcoming film Let’s Kill Us Some Hitler. No, that’s not right. Valkyrie. It’s called Valkyrie.

ï BREAKING: Hugh Hefner has had sexual intercourse with ladies!!!

ï "Elizabeth Hurley See-Through Nipple" does not actually mean that her nipple is transluscent, you realize.

ï Hilary Swank tells People that her split from husband Chad "brother of Rob" Lowe was not, in fact, due to her being a huge mega multiple Oscar-winning superstar acting Hollywood juggernaut while he had a few guest spots on CSI: Miami and Medium. It was because he's a druggie. Dun dun DUNNNN!

ï Your friend Billy Zane orders his colossally-kanockered girlfriend Kelly Brook to wear only enormous, dowdy underpants. Because he is a bad man.

ï Paris Hilton sets sights on passing down the wonkeye gene.

ï Kingston Rossdale and Piloh Shitt had a little play date. Ah, yes. Angelina and Brad are already making quite sure that their facially fortunate offspring consorts with only the prettiest peers. Excellent, excellent.

ï Our gossip doula, FemaleFirst, agrees with us that Natalie Portman will indeed be naked for real in her next film.

ï Keira Knightley says, "I'm not anorexic. But my grandma was. And my great-grandma was. And also, Tracey Gold was."