Tag Archives: Howard K. Stern
I Had Unprotected Sex with Anna Nicole and All I Got Was This Lousy Paternity Suit
Another gentleman has run, gasping, to the current events forefront, brandishing a sweaty claim ticket for poor wee Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern–Anna Nicole’s onetime bodyguard/TV chef, a burly chap named Alexander Denk. Behind the cut, an update on the baby’s possible sirers, though at this point, we think they should all just move into a [...]
Anna Nicole's Death Shrouded in Mystery; Vomit
Sure, we definitely feel sad about the tragic death of Anna Nicole Smith. Will said sadness keep us from posting about this train wreck in a semi-humorous fashion? Nah. The conspiracy theories, drama, and rumors are multiplying like Gremlins in a hot tub, so here's a handy list of links to the highlights. Drugs! A [...]
Anna Nicole Smith Does Not Want to Play "Who's Your Daddy?"
The clock is ticking–Anna Nicole Smith has about 24 hours until she must submit her miracle baby Dannielynn Hope to DNA testing to determine the child's father. Dowager Anna Nicole and her lawyers are trying desperately to have the test blocked or at least pushed back, despite her insistence that lawyer/companion/barnacle Howard K. Stern is [...]
Anna Nicole Smith: Making Your Taz Tattoo Look Classy
Remember that guy from your high school who turned eighteen during senior year and on his birthday he spent half the day at Tattooz, thinking he was so cool and badass and that he would be worshipped in the halls for his intense coolness and huge balls? You know, the one who got Tatu from [...]
She's Saving the Boob Job for Dannielynn's Second Birthday
In the biggest baby-endangering shocker since Solange Knowles was accused of bleaching her clubfooted baby, Anna Nicole Smith has allegedly dyed her newborn daughter's hair to make her look more like creepazoid Nightline-investigation-waiting-to-happen Howard K. Stern. Perhaps an easier route to confirming paternity would have been to tattoo "I'm a jagbag and I'll steal all [...]
Anna Nicole and Howard K.'s Totally Legitimate Love, Illustrated
We struggled with these pictures of Anna Nicole Smith and attorney/possible sperm doner/definite creep Howard K. Stern pledging their love and devotion in a "commitment ceremony". Lord knows our struggle. Don't post the pictures out of respect for a grieving mother, or post them cuz they're disturbing and hilarious? In the end, the fact [...]
Anna Nicole's Life: Like Dynasty, But Slightly Less Believable
There have been so many new developments in the Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy drama in the last 48 hours that we don't even know where to begin. At this point, the only way to get to the bottom of this is to round up ANS, Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, baby Dannilynn, and Richard Dean [...]
We Now Pronounce You Mentally-Challenged Guess Model and Lawyer
According to most reports, Anna Nicole Smith married her slippery, slippery lawyer/self-proclaimed impregnator Howard K. Stern in the Bahamas yesterday, resplendent in a pink bikini. However, today her publicist released a colorful statement in which she asserts that the curious pair did not, in fact, marry; they simply had a "commitment ceremony". Sadly, this was [...]
Anna Nicole Smith's Babydaddy Revealed!
Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer/barnacle Howard K. Stern appeared on Larry King last night, and dropped a bomb, announcing with much fanfare, that he is the father of Anna’s infant daughter. He then whipped off his Howard K. Stern mask to reveal that he is actually Howard Stern with no “K.”, and is not only Anna’s [...]