ï Elisha Cuthbert's hockey dude ex calls her "sloppy seconds". Do sloppy seconds bounce on ice? (Yeeeah!)

ï Jessica Alba's boobs like calamari! Wait, we mean Campari. (F-listed)

ï Helen Mirren goes snorkeling in a tankini. It's your move, Dame Judi. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Twilight vampire Ashley Greene just about gives you something to suck on (hint: A TIT!!!!!). (Thighs Wide Shut)

ï Eva Longoria is a smoker on the DL. Bet you anything those are Benson & Hedges 110s. (Celebitchy)

ï So Kate Moss and her unfrozen caveman boyfriend WEREN'T attacked by rogue Christmas ornaments after all. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. (The Superficial)

ï Lindsay Lohan got kicked off Facebook. That's what YOU get for not playing your Word Twist move, bitch. (Holy Moly)

ï Scout (dun DUN dun DUN) you'll be a woooomaaaaaann SOON. (Daily Stab)

ï Kristen Stewart will play Joan Jett in the new Runaways biopic. Will she be licking some ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bombs? (Anything Hollywood)

You can see Helen in way less than a bikini at MrSkin.com. The lady LOVES getting naked.

Mae West
Jane Russell
Marilyn Monroe
Dorothy Dandridge
Jayne Mansfield
Sophia Loren
Elizabeth Taylor
Brigitte Bardot
Ursula Andress
Honor Blackman
Raquel Welch
Chesty Morgan
Tura Satana
Uschi Digard
Pam Grier
Jennifer Connelly
Monica Bellucci
Rosario Dawson
Scarlett Johansson
Eva Green
Jennifer Tilly
Asia Argento
Thandie Newton
Helen Mirren
Jessica Rabbit

Seriously? Jessica fucking Rabbit? Is that the best you could do, Film Threat? Did you think to yourselves, "Man, we've exhausted all the luscious lung pillows in Hollywood. There is not one set of sweater kittens left worth ogling. Guess we better talk about some cartoon casabas"? Did Lindsay Lohan's meaty Mean Girls-era mounds not make the list due to the creepy teenage factor? Did you disregard Elizabeth Hurley because she seems like a bit of a shrew? Did Jessica Simpson get cut because you've never actually been able to watch her on film for longer than three minutes? Was there really not one single set of Hollywood hooters that you found more appealing than Jessica Rabbit's paper-and-ink pom poms?


Not content reading about those famous boobers? You're in luck, because most of these ladies have shown off their spongecakes, and you can see them at MrSkin.com.

Caligula, the 1976 film that featured such respected actors at Malcolm McDowell, Peter O'Toole, Helen Mirren, and the late John Gielgud — all of whom were blindsided when producer Bob Guccione of Penthouse magazine fame cut x-rated scenes into the movie — is due to be released on DVD as the "Four-Disc Imperial Edition" by Image Entertainment on October 2nd, the distributor announced Tuesday. The film has previously been released in versions that were as short as 98 minutes and as long as three hours. In a statement, the company said that the DVD set will include newly recorded, no-holds-barred commentary tracks by McDowell and Mirren. In addition, the set includes two versions of The Making of Caligula, one of which includes deleted and alternate scenes. (The movie was also the subject of the book Ultimate Porno: The Making of a Sex Colossal by Piernico Solinas, a first assistant director on the film.)

The set will include commentary by both Mirren and Malcolm McDowell, as well as many other goodies, which are detailed on the Image website and at TLA Video. And if you are under the age of thirty-five and are saying to yourself, "Cali-who?" check out the detailed history of the film at Wikipedia. It's likely the only time you will ever read the names Bob Guccione, Peter O'Toole, and Gore Vidal in the same paragraph. Unless you're a big consumer of CNW's side project, Gore Vidal fan fic, in which we re-imagine key points in the author's life. The chapter in which Vidal and Norman Mailer end up flailing each other about the face with Care Bears is a scorcher.


What, you need to see evidence of Helen Mirren's muff before you shell out for the DVD? OK, head over to MrSkin.com then.

As this year's big college basketball tournament approaches tip-off time I, Mr. Skin, have come to announce my own version of the world-championship competition.

At MrSkin.com, sixty-four of the all-time most popular Hollywood nude scenes are going up against one another in a tournament called March Nakedness.

March Nakedness pits 64 nude scenes ñ from movies that span decades and range from big-budget Hollywood hits to art films to cult favorites ñ against each other in a series of single-elimination head-to-head match-ups.

The movies are listed in tournament-style brackets. You can then vote on each, ultimately revealing the single best-loved big-screen bare-skin moment ever filmed.

As with the basketball series, March Nakedness begins with 64 competitors and then breaks down to a series of subsequently more skintense contests along the way: The Sexy Sixteen, The Erotic Eight and The Final Foursome.

March Nakedness is free to play and open to all who visit MrSkin.com.

Registered players can enter guesses as to each round's winning movie scene. The player(s) with the most correct guesses will win a free one-year membership to MrSkin.com. The Grand Prize is a free lifetime membership.

Among the powerhouse scenes pressing the flesh in March Nakedness are Phoebe Cates' bikini pop-off from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982), Angelina Jolie's girl-girl love-fest from Gia (1998) and Sharon Stone's hair-raising way of uncrossing her legs in Basic Instinct (1992).

Other brawlers-in-the-buff include Halle Berry in Monster's Ball (2001), Bo Derek in 10 (1979), Alyssa Milano in Embrace of the Vampire (1995), Anne Hathaway in Havoc (2005), and drive-in skinsation Pam Grier in Coffy (1973).

March Nakedness is the perfect mix of babes, basketball and no-consequences sports betting. Get your game on now!

So what are you waiting for? Take out those quills and stuff those boxes!

Helen, who was speaking about her customised Christian Lacroix gown, told US chat show host Oprah Winfrey: "It was all made for me so I didn't have to have any underwear."

Grasping her breasts to illustrate her point, she added: "It fitted me like two angel's hands. I cried when I put it on, it is a work of art."

Although FemaleFirst drew us in with the eye-catching entry title "Commando Mirren", from this quote, we gather she was talking about the upper underthings, and not her panties. Though Mirren is quite the old silver fox and we wouldn't mind catching a glimpse of the Oscar gold that resides in her undercarriage, we have to point out that she's sixty-one and most likely still wears ruffled pantaloons. Though, judging by the fact that it's been Helen and not the usual celebutard suspects dominating the gossip pages for the past week, perhaps this heralds a shift in the public opinion of what constitutes sexy, and in the future, Mischa Barton upskirts will consist of peeping whalebone corsets, bloomers, union suits, and petticoats. And instead of "nip slips" we'll have a category for scandalous farthingale shots. Oh, the tittering and kerchief-dropping that shall ensue!

Helen Mirren is naked at MrSkin.com. Young Helen Mirren, even.