CelebNewsWire» Heidi Klum Archives – CelebNewsWire

Pretty Ladies in Their Skivvies

Agent E. — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:33:38 +0000

You might wonder why we’re bothering to yammer on about supermodels in their underwear when we’ve got actual naked supermodels to talk about, but you know what? Fuck it. We like the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show and we don’t care who knows it. Heidi Klum’s usually there, and she’s pretty and funny and we like her. We bet if she got some poop smeared on her face while changing one of her bairns, she’d just laugh it off, maybe even take a few pictures, put one on her Christmas card with the caption “I got shit on my kisser.” That just seems like the kind of broad she is. Plus, Vicky’s S always puts together some ridiculous diamond-covered monstrosity that costs somewhere in the neighborhood of Simon Cowell’s weekly salary and looks like it would give a girl lots of unsightly scratches and a heap of back pain.

There are a bunch more VS fashion show pics at Yeeeah!, if you’re so inclined.

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In Fashion, One Day You’re in Your Clothes, the Next Day, You’re Out

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:06:11 +0000

I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. I don’t think your ready for this. Her body’s too Heidilicious for ya, babe. Last month we brought you promise of Heidi Klum naked in an upcoming coffee table book called Rankin’s Heidilicious. At the time, the model/Project Runway hostess/infant factory said,

“He always gets me to take my clothes off for some reason. We’ll do some job and then he’ll say, ‘Why don’t we shoot some more things?’ and I’ll wind up without anything on.”

Some of the pics from the book leaked today, and by God, Heidi was not funnin’. She is naked. There is butt and there is nip. After the cut, please enjoy the photographs and let us know which of them you find the sexiest. Us? We like the ones in which she’s been Carrie’d by a bucket of diarrhea. Nothing says “Heidilicious” like being dipped in loose stools.

After you’re done looking at these nice pictures you can go ahead and sign up for our RSS feed.

CNW Junk Drawer: Party! Pizza Party!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:32:27 +0000

We just wanted an excuse to post this Madonna picture. Thank you.
Dennis Hopper is in the hospital. Decades of drug abuse, and it’s a case of the sniffles that brings him down? (Daily Stab)
A gallery of Mariah Carey’s nipples. Better than the Guggenheim. (Cityrag)
Spencer Pratt considers cutting off his nuts. Please? (Allie Is Wired)
Serena Williams. Foul-mouthed goddess. R. Crumb dream girl come to life. (Faded Youth)
MC Amy Winehouse lays down some phat rhymes about being a Jewmaican. (OMG Blog)
Rose McGowan calls off engagement with Robert Rodriguez. But they were so . . . so . . . alliterative! (PopCrunch)
Heidi Klum has “banned her children from jumping on her pregnant stomach”. We’ll assume she’s also banned them from punching it with brass knuckles and throwing hand grenades at it. (FemaleFirst)
Mena Suvari says no more nudes, not now, not ever. Poop! (Mr. Skin)
The only person on earth as hot as Penelope Cruz? Her sister. (Yeeeah!)
Padma Lakshmi is pregnant. (US Weekly)

Heidi Klum To Show Her Klams in Book Form

Agent E. — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:01:16 +0000

Words that could easily describe Heidi Klum: Pretty. Tall. Busty. Patient. Fertile. But naughty? That doesn’t exactly jump out at us. But that’s how Heidi describes a new coffee table book that will feature nude photos of the model, naughty. We’re guessing she means that in more of the ruffled-panties, pinky-in-the-corner-of-the-mouth, winking way rather than the whips and chains and butt plugs way. Our favorite naughty gossiper, FemaleFirst, explains:

The Victoria’s Secret model has teamed up with renowned photographer Rankin for the new tome, titled ‘Rankin’s Heidilicious’.

She explained: “It’s very naughty. I’ve been shooting with Rankin, for seven years and working with him is fun because he always makes me look different.

“He always gets me to take my clothes off for some reason. We’ll do some job and then he’ll say, ‘Why don’t we shoot some more things?’ and I’ll wind up without anything on.”

The book is due to hit stores in October.

“Heidi Klum nude photo book.” Those words sound very promising, but we’re pretty sure this will be pretty far from Madonna’s Sex book. First of all, we’re all but positive that Vanilla Ice won’t make an appearance, and second of all, when Heidi says nude, most of the time that will probably mean a sliver of butt crack rising above the pic’s lower frame or an arm draped casually (yet in a completely concealing manner) over her tits. We think we’re finally catching on to the Hollywood lingo here. “Nude” means “without clothing but also without nipples” and “My male client has never engaged in a sexual act with a man” means “My male client is currently diddling the dinger of a pool boy and cannot be reached for comment.”

Karl Lagerfeld is Kind of a Dick

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:57:57 +0000

Heidi Klum and Seal are, next to Paulina Porizkova and Ric Ocasek and that one time Bai Ling dated Nick Carter, our favorite celebrity couple of all time. They are funny, they make tons of cute babies, and they throw the most kickass Halloween parties ever. So it bums us out that Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld seems to have it out for Heidi. A few months ago, he fluttered his fan and said Heidi was a nobody in the world of high fashion. Easy for you to say, Anorexic Mozart! Now he's attacking Heidi's husband Seal, mocking his scars. According to Celebitchy, Lagerfeld said,

ìI am no dermatologist but I wouldnít want his skin. Mine looks better than his. He is covered in craters.î

OK, fashion guy, we realize that we're in a recession and maybe people aren't buying $10,000 luggage tags like they used to, but Seal had a serious disease called discoid lupus erythematosus. It's a good thing Christopher Reeve is dead or Karl would be cramming sticks in his chair wheels and picking up a limp hand like, "Hey, Superman! Why you hitting yourself? Why you hitting yourself? Hahahahaha!"

SealKlum Baby, One More Time

Agent E. — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:05:32 +0000

Yesterday we heard that Angelina Jolie might be gestating another batch of infant perfection (which, btw, we're sure is bullshit, but we're rolling with it today because we feel like it, so shut the hell up). But today Heidi Klum is all like, "Oh, is that how it is, bitch? I don't think so. You're about to get FACED!" Reports E!:

Sources confirm that the supermodel mogul is expecting her third child with music-man hubby Seal.

The couple has two sons together, Henry G¸nther Ademola Dashtu Samuel, 3, and Johan Riley Fyodor Taiwo Samuel, 2. Seal is also the adoptive father of Klum's daughter, Helene "Leni" Klum (who turns 5 on May 4), whom she had with Italian businessman Flavio Briatore.

A source tells me that Klum, 35, is a little less than four-months pregnant.

With a whole month-and-a-half lead, Heidi's definitely got an advantage here. That is until Angelina shows up on the cover of People with the litter of 12 babies she gave birth to. Showing up Heidi and Octomom in three short trimesters is sure going to feel good.

You Want Heidi Klum Nude? You Got It, Dude!

Agent E. — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:57:48 +0000

Well, hello there, chickadees. Are you ready for another Monday morning? Do you have a strong cup of coffee and a long list of Twitter updates to slog through? Are you still having trouble breaking out of your weekend haze? Well then, we've got just the thing for you: Heidi Klum nude and frolicking on the beach. Yay! These shots are from a fancy, expensive art book by photographer Russell James that came out in February. And seeing as how it's nearly April, that means that we're a bit behind. Sorry guys. We dropped the ball. Here we were thinking that we'd find the best in celebrity nudity on the internet, when we should have been hanging out in the photography section at Barnes & Noble. We tried that once, but there was this stinky guy in a beret who just wouldn't get out of our way, so we went home and watched Monster's Ball again. We hope you can understand. We think the pics after the cut of naked Heidi Klum will go a long way to mending this broken relationship. Enjoy.

Klum's Bum

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:44:22 +0000

Today is Friday the 13th. And that's scary! But tomorrow is Valentine's Day. And that's sweet! So let's embrace both sides with these pictures of Heidi Klum naked in German GQ magazine. She's pretty and she's without clothing. Sweet! But she has Joker lipstick and black fingernails. Grrr! Scary! You don't know whether or not to play with yourself or cry and wet your pants. Either way, you're 2 years old. Wow, this post just got extra sexy. Bare ass after the cut.

You were planning on spending Valentine's Day alone, weren't you? Look, we just found you a date. Simply print out this picture of Heidi Klum's butt and prop it on a chair at a fancy restaurant. "I'll have the roast duck and Heidi Klum's butt will have the chicken marbella," you'll say, and you'll lovingly spoon the meal towards her papery crack. "Eat, my love, eat," you'll say right before the cops come. You're romantic!

CNW Junk Drawer: Victoria's Secret: Pores Exist

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:05:50 +0000

ï Marisa Miller and other Victoria's Secret models at an underwear fitting. Look ma, no airbrushing. (The Blemish)

ï Angelina Jolie says she's "still just a punk kid with tattoos". She went on to say, "Seriously, I saw Youth of Today four times and I own the Infest Slave LP on colored vinyl." (Fatback)

ï Adriana Lima's juggtacular bra commercials! (Cityrag)

ï Star says Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. We say Star is pregnant with twin turds; i.e. full of shit. (Celebitchy)

ï Britney Spears is on the cover of Cosmo. So you can ogle her weave while reading about the 10 tantric orgasm tips that will drive his nads wild. (Bitten and Bound)

ï AnnaLynne McCord has 4 capital letters in her name. She also has a lesbian kiss. See video! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï LIndsay Lohan gets dumped in favor of Denise Richards. Ow, that's gotta smart. (Yeeeah!)

ï Amy Wino's rodent-like spouse has been released from prison. It's going to be a very cracky Christmas. (Hollywood Gossip)

ï Heidi Klum takes those old records off the shelf. And those shirts off her shelf. (Seriously OMG WTF)

A Halloween Dichotomy: The Scary vs. the Slutty

Agent E. — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:18:37 +0000

There are two basic ways to approach Halloween. One, you want to scare people, or at least impress people with how elaborate/creative/over-the-top your costume is. These are the Roseanne and Dan Conner types, who answer the door holding their own bloody severed head. Or two, you want to give men boners. There are the Paris Hilton/every bimbo in Hollywood/Wet Seal shopper types who stuff themselves into some get-up from Frederick's of Hollywood, slap on some kitten ears, and call it a costume. We see a lot more of the latter category in the celeb-watching blogosphere. Every year we see sexy firefighter, sexy police officer, sexy bumblebee, sexy librarian, we even once saw a sexy chihuahua. But there is one glaring exception to this sexy trend: supermodel Heidi Klum. It makes sense that someone who gets paid to look incredibly hot day after day would jump at the chance to ugly it up once a year. A sort of nice reverse dress up. This year Heidi added a few extra arms to portray the Indian goddess Kali. And while we wholly appreciate Heidi embracing Halloween's campier side, sometimes we just want to see boobies. So, after the cut, get a peek at Keeley Hazell's Halloween costume. And here's a secret: It doesn't include a shirt!

Way to put the wiener in Halloween, Keeley!

Find more pics of both Heidi and Keeley at Yeeeah!

Find more nude Keeley Hazell at MrSkin.com.

Heidi Klum gives up some nip there too.