CelebNewsWire» headlines Archives – CelebNewsWire

Headline of the Day with Zac Efron

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:06:58 +0000

We just bet you do, big boy.

Headline of the Day

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 17:20:51 +0000

Finally. Hopefully this will put a stop to Rod urinating on the flotaki rug once and for all.

CNW Junk Drawer: Ain't No Hollaback Doll

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 17:21:54 +0000

ï "Eva Longoria Loves Facials". Yep, that sounds about right.

ï My Gwen Stefani doll can beat up your Peaches N' Cream Barbie.

ï Still no word on whether or not Lohan is engaged to Harry "Pink Taco" Morton, but she's sporting an '80s-style pear-cut diamond that Alexis Carrington herself would find distasteful.

ï Kelly Clarkson was embarrassed to learn that she owned the same pink convertible as a porn star. The fact that she actually owns a pink convertible is much more embarrassing, however.

ï Brittany Murphy exits club, gets propositioned for some tuna taco tangoing, signs autographs, lets us look down her shirt. Now that's multitasking.

ï Eva Mendes's bare ass in Flaunt magazine. You heard us. That's right. Believe it. Flaunt magazine! Seriously!

ï Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom broke up. Again. If a walking Chupa Chups lollipop and a crustachioed eunuch can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?

ï An idea we wish we'd thought of: Gossip Blog Wars.

ï Kate Moss + underwear = server crash. Way to get your kit off, bird! Pip pip! Tut tut! Tally ho! Cheerio!

Headline of the Day: Yaaayyyy!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 17:05:04 +0000

Hosanna on high! Jesus Christ Himself has descended from heaven and delivered us from Shanghai Surprise II!

Making this entry sexier: Madonna is naked in a big way at MrSkin.com.

Underworld: Halitosis

Agent E. — Thu, 11 May 2006 17:59:52 +0000

Maybe it's just because we at CelebNewsWire are sick and perverted freaks (we're just trying to emulate our readers, after all), but when we see a headline that says, "Kate Beckinsale's Oral Paranoia" we have certain expectations, maybe even certain fantasies wherein Kate is dressed as a geisha and demurely giggles and blushes when a male member is wagged in her face. But that's just us, right?

But in reality Kate Beckinsale is a classy lady. She's a Brit, you see, and that means she's swank and superior to us Yanks in every way. She would never pick up a copy of Newsweek and announce to a room that she was heading to the loo to paint some porcelain brown. Nor would she stuff her yap full of greasy pork rinds and then let out a succession of increasingly obnoxious belches. And of course she would never discuss her oral sex habits in close proximity to a member of the media. It's just a trick FemaleFirst is playing on us. They want us to believe in their ability to get classy and sophisticated celebrities to talk about their basest human functions. But then we click through and just get a story about how Kate's breath smells like your front lawn after your diarrhettic dog ate some leftover Indian food. Really Kate's paranoia is that co-stars such as Ben Affleck and Leonardo DiCaprio will think she has bad breath, so she douses her mouth with peppermint oil before kissing scenes. Thanks a lot, FemaleFirst.

It'll be much easier to imagine Kate's oral paranoia when you see her naked at MrSkin.com.

Headline of the Day

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 08 May 2006 17:10:58 +0000

Phew. For a second, we thought she was gonna lose her Cox.

Courteney Cox is NAKED at MrSkin.com.

Headline of the Day, Part Deux

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 17:10:02 +0000

Update on a story from a few days ago:

The Rolling Stones would like their fans to know that they did not, and would not, ever disallow a thick plot of bush entry to their hotel room. We thought as much, but we're happy to hear that the rock dinosaurs still kick it '70s style.

Headline of the Day

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 17:04:10 +0000

We could have sworn Mick Jagger had a long history of sharing his hotel rooms with a wide variety of willing bush. Huh.

Mick! Mick! Mick! At MaleStars.com.

Abbott and Costello Meet Madonna

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 17:35:02 +0000

An award for the greatest celebrity corpse whose flesh has been dried and preserved in rigidity forevermore? Dag, we thought for sure the blue ribbon would go to Teri Hatcher.

Madonna doesn’t look scary at at MrSkin.com.

Catch some Teri Hatcher hairy snatcher while you’re there.

Love Angel Music Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 17:54:22 +0000

Gwen Stefani is officially in the family way! Incredible! We had no idea drag queens could get pregnant.

US Weekly broke the story yesterday after the pregnancy was confirmed by Gwen’s mother, as well as her unemployed househusband Gavin Rossdale’s father. The Grammy-nominated singer will shoot the infant forth from her groin in June, allegedly. It will be the first child for Gwen, and the first legitimate child for Gavin.
Or, maybe it’s all a ruse. Maybe a member of her midget entourage got tragically, accidentally trapped under a malfunctioning corset during a routine wardrobe change and has been hiding, frightened and alone, curled up against Gwen’s abdomen ever since. After all, like Matt Damon’s wife before her, Gwen appears to just be “pregnant”.

“Pregnancy”. It’s the new “Exhaustion”.