and since there are 2 little girls with to much time on their hands and no one to love them….id like to share my "hacked" info as well. ive tried to disassociate myself from both these parties for some time now and like a fungus they wont go away.

Paris Hilton: princessph@mycingular.blackberry.net
310-801-0148

djllohan@tmail.com ( cause we like to pretend we are people we will never be talented enough to be)

Lindsey Lohan: labellavita7@tmo.blackberry.net

How many messages do you think Paris received telling her that her Valtrex prescription was ready for pick up at Rite Aid? Or maybe ours was the only one.

And because no D-list celebrity MySpace posting goes unanswered by an even lesser celebrity, former Lindsay Lohan vagina servicer Harry Morton responded thusly. We especially love the earmark of the witless blogger, the coke dribble. Also, we were unaware that a blog could catch AIDS. It really is a devastating disease.

And on a side note, Shanna's Wikipedia entry is surprisingly fascinating. We had no idea she had dated Billy Idol or Dennis Quaid. And anyone who has spent twelve years in the world of competitive roller skating gets our respect. It also helps us envision an ending to Paris and Shanna Showdown: In the fourth round Shanna will grab onto Paris's extensions and begin to pull just as Shanna's left roller-skated foot slips, sending the pair to the mat and causing such a violent hair-pulling action that Paris's neck snaps and she dies instantly.

Why is MrSkin.com better than MySapce? Because Shanna is naked there.

ï Lara Flynn Boyle decorated her razory clavicles with flowers, tied some white ribbons around her prominent ulnae, rubbed some pink gloss on her colossal plastic lips, and got herself married. Mazel tov!

ï Nicolette Sheridan donned sheer hose with no visible pants (aka "pulling an Olsen"). Pauly Shore took a long, hard look. And pop went the Weasel. Groan, sorry.

ï Sienna Miller offers a hot new diet plan to impressionable teenage girls: just drink vodka! Oh, don't look at us like that. It's a much more heathful alternative than the Lohan "strawberry booger sugar diet" or the Nicole Richie "oxygen and carbon dioxide" diet.

ï Or maybe Lohan's on the "energy drink and pretzel diet", how the fuck should we know?

ï Your office holiday party hookup was indiscreet and regrettable, but at least no photographic evidence exists. Christian Slater and Sharon Stone's holiday jaunt isn't faring quite so well.

ï The beautiful, talented, and intelligent Victoria Silvstedt really really hates shirts.

ï We're glad Mollygood agrees with us: Adam Brody's Ian McCulloch hair is kinda hot.

ï Miss USA Tara Connor was nearly stripped of her crown after pageant owner Donald Trump got wind of the fact that she was drinking underage, failed a drug test for cocaine, and was making out with Miss Teen USA in public. When asked why he allowed her to retain her title, Trump said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

ï Lohan castoff Harry Morton is now feasting on the pink taco attached to Kimberly Stewart.

ï K-Hole es no preggo.

ï Martha Stewart briefly dated Anthony Hopkins, but could not bring herself to cook him fava beans with a nice Chianti.

"We're just sort of taking a little breather right now and slowing things down. A lot of people started saying we're engaged. It put a lot of pressure on things. We need a little space. The media getting involved always makes it more difficult. I'm a very private person. I'm sure she has dealt with it for years, (but it) puts a lot of pressure on me . . . I have nothing but the utmost respect for her."

If we may be so bold, we'd like to call Harry out for being a big fat liar–c'mon, nobody has respect for Lindsay Lohan!

Yes, of course more Lindsay can be found at MrSkin.com.

The outlook for the couple was more dire on Thursday. "Harry broke up with Lindsay yesterday at Chateau Marmont after they had dinner on the courtyard patio," a source tells PEOPLE. "Nothing happened at dinner, but shortly afterward, he broke up with her."
Why the split? "She was too much drama," says a source close to Harry. "Lindsay did cut down on the partying, but with her it's all relative. Harry is sober. It wasn't the partying that broke them up. Harry's more low-key and not into the same stuff she's into."

Perhaps Lindsay's newfound fondest for Rehab is a desperate attempt to win back her strictly milk-n-cookies man. Lindsay's people say the break-up rumors aren't true, but these are the same people who told us, "She's just really, really tired."
TMZ claims that Lindsay was spotted on Sunday making out with Stamos Nachos inside a club called Dragonfly prior to leaving with a coat covering her head and muttering to paps "Fuck off and die." There's not really much to go on with this part of the story, but you know your CelebNewsWire and Stamos Nachos: We're addicted to him as if we were Jenna Jameson and he was a ten-inch dong.

Lindsay. At MrSkin.com. You know you want it.

ï Britney Spears reportedly had a tummy tuck following the birth of SPFsquared. Slowly inching closer and closer to Tara Reid territory (Taratory?).

ï Little Aaron Carter is engaged! To a Playboy Playmate! Presumeably, his pneumatic bride-to-be has seen AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS.

ï Safely ogle Kelly Brook in her underwear from the comfort of your own home, free from fear of retaliation at the hands of your friend Billy Zane.

ï Lindsay Lohan is looking to move to England, most likely because the English are the only people who can drink her under the table.

ï Jackass Steve-O tells us, in great detail, about the time he masturbated onto Nicole Richie's back. And then her semi-exposed spinal column recognized the protein content of the expelled liquid and, revolted at the idea of nourishment, quickly whipped the offending substance away from Richie's person.

ï Courtney Love and Whitney Houston: not only are they recovering substance abusers, they both have names that end in -tney! BFFs!

ï Paris takes advantage of Lindsay Lohan's absence; flirts with Harry Morton. When the exposed pussy lips are away, the skank will play.

ï Asia Argento turns 31 today, and celebrates by picking G-string bikini bottoms out of her anus. Mazel tov!

Lohan called her mother, Dina, on Sept. 2 and announced, ìMom, Iím getting married,î a ìsource close to Lindsayî told the upcoming issue of Star. ìLindsay explained that Harry gave her a gorgeous ring and that he asked her to marry him.î
The tab also says that ìfriends believe [the couple] could be married already!î
Another source, however, says thereís trouble in paradise. Lohan and Morton had a nasty spat on Sunday when he got furious at her for flirting with a DJ, according to the London Mirror.
The two went to a party at Clivedon House in London, but while Morton mingled, Lohan was ìall over [DJ Sam Young] like a rash,î according to the paper.
Morton was upset with the ìMean Girlsî star for ìnot paying him enough attentionî but Lohan countered that Morton should stop ìbeing so insecure.î

That second part sounds a little more plausible than Lindsay pouring over a Neiman Marcus gift registry choosing the perfect china pattern.
And now we'll bring you an update on the state of Lindsay's crotch. It appears that her wardrobe does indeed contain a least a smattering of undergarments, but she apparently only chooses to bust them out on the nights when she eschews pants. Wise we're sure.
And for the latest in old people your parents identify with upbraiding Lindsay for her poor work ethic and overexertion, we bring you Jane Fonda.

I think every once in a while, a very, very young person who is burning both ends of the candle needs to have somebody say, `You know, you're going to pay the piper, you better slow down.'

If Ms. Fonda's clichÈ dictionary hadn't been rudely snatched away by a passing pigeon, she would have continued to tell Lindsay to shape up or ship out and to straighten up and fly right. But instead she'll just give her a nice can cuddling.

I just want to take her in my arms and hold her until she becomes grown-up. She's so young and she's so alone out there in the world in terms of structure and, you know, people to nurture her. And she's so talented.

Hey, Jane we've got a better idea that may be a bit more up Lindsay's alley (Hey, that wasn't a pigeon! We stole Jane's clichÈ dictionary!). Why don't you invite Lindsay into your bedroom and teach her a bit of your own dildo-wielding work ethic?

Get your Lindsay fix at MrSkin.com.

Or skip La Lohan and see Jane naked.

ï My Gwen Stefani doll can beat up your Peaches N' Cream Barbie.

ï Still no word on whether or not Lohan is engaged to Harry "Pink Taco" Morton, but she's sporting an '80s-style pear-cut diamond that Alexis Carrington herself would find distasteful.

ï Kelly Clarkson was embarrassed to learn that she owned the same pink convertible as a porn star. The fact that she actually owns a pink convertible is much more embarrassing, however.

ï Brittany Murphy exits club, gets propositioned for some tuna taco tangoing, signs autographs, lets us look down her shirt. Now that's multitasking.

ï Eva Mendes's bare ass in Flaunt magazine. You heard us. That's right. Believe it. Flaunt magazine! Seriously!

ï Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom broke up. Again. If a walking Chupa Chups lollipop and a crustachioed eunuch can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?

ï An idea we wish we'd thought of: Gossip Blog Wars.

ï Kate Moss + underwear = server crash. Way to get your kit off, bird! Pip pip! Tut tut! Tally ho! Cheerio!

Hey, jerk. Thanks for reminding us that we'll never be allowed to lay our paws on the smooshy bits attached to Lohan. Unless we somehow manage to get adopted by a billionaire entrepeneur willing to finance our foray into the lucrative world of vagina-themed Mexican eateries as well as our new veneers. Which might be soon, if that sweet Craigslist ad we just placed pans out.

We are not even gonna try to touch the genius that is ananova.com's headline:

But God, would you look at those two? Taking a much-deserved breather from their hectic life of relaxing at Harry's private beach house in designer swimwear by relaxing on the beach in Maui donning designer swimwear. And playing Tune in Tokyo. All these pictures of Lindsay and Harry canoodling sure are "touching". Ouch! Feel that? It's the sharp sting of our rapier wit!

If you still need more Lindsay–and you do–go to MrSkin.com

Forgoing getting down on one knee and placing the ring on her trembling, outstretched finger, or the ever popular "surprising your best gal with a ring in a champagne glass," Harry instead chose to hide the bauble inside his love's rectum. Forget skywriting–nothing says "Will you marry me?" like a ring up the kazoo!

We were saying just the other day that what this generation really needs is a new glamorous starlet-hospitality-heir pairing in the grand tradition of Liz Taylor and Conrad Hilton. Only with less wife-beating and more bikinis. Enter Harry and Lindsay! The young entrepeneur was seen, sometime within the last couple of days, entering Cartier and purchasing… something.

Morton's spokesperson (you date Lohan, you have to get a publicist) released the following statement:

"I can confirm that Harry was shopping in Cartier, but what he purchased I cannot confirm. If it was in fact a gift then that's between him and whomever the gift is for."

Coy, very coy, there, little Spokeslady. We're just gonna go out on a limb and say that he probably wasn't buying an engagement ring for Lindsay. There are some girls you want to grow old with, raise children with, argue over mutual funds with, spoonfeed purÈed beets to after she's lost her teeth. And there are some girls you want to dress in a bikini made from those green plastic strawberry containers and administer a plate job to. And ne'er the twain shall meet, so guess which Lindsay probably is?

Plate job. Look it up.

And speaking of Lindsay in a bikini, there are some brand new pictures of her in her eighty-seventh bikini of summer 2K6 here.

UPDATE: Not true, says Lohan's mama, Dina: "It's absolutely not true. They are not engaged. They're dating and it's moving along." Keep in mind that this is from the woman who claims her darling daughter is in bed with a glass of warm milk and a good book at 9 P.M. every night.

If you still need more Lindsay–and you do–go to MrSkin.com