Tag Archives: Gwyneth Paltrow
Glamour, Glitz, and Taped-Down Tits! It's Oscar Fashion!
Hey, the Oscars were last night. Some people won some stuff, BeyoncÈ attempted to outsing Jennifer Hudson, Ellen Degeneres vacuumed, but most importantly, there were these people who did shadowy somersaults to form interpretations of movie logos with their bodies, making us clap like wind-up monkeys and cry "Again! Again!" Oh, and famous ladies wore [...]
Moses Martin Does Not Suffer Fools.
Tiny Moses Martin just seems to instinctively know that the golden-maned woman clutching him to her bosom is the very same beast behind his unbelievably stupid moniker, and naturally shrinks, wincing and horrified, from her touch.
Paltrow Pops Moses Martin
Here we've been watching Katie Holmes through our gossip telescope waiting for her to deflate the pillow under her shirt and magically turn it into a real live baby (Scientology makes you magic, people), and we were so distracted that we totally forgot that Gwyneth Paltrow even existed, let alone that she was carrying a [...]
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Also tagged celebrity offspring, celebrity pregnancies, Chris Martin
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Guinness Paltrow
So pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow drank a Guinness. Big fuckin' deal. Our mom drank a bottle of Jim Beam and smoked three packs of Pall Malls a day when she was pregnant with us, and that tail was really easy to remove.
CNW Junk Drawer: Stay Golden, Betty
ï A surprise appearance by Mick Jagger causes a near-riot at his illegitimate son's grade school. Right, like Brazilian 6-year-olds know who the fuck Mick Jagger is.
ï Most women look all glowy and happy and shiny and fresh when they're all knocked up. Gwyneth Paltrow? Ehhhhh, not so much.
ï Thar she blows! [...]
Posted in Uncategorized
Also tagged Angelina Jolie, Avril Lavigne, Betty White, Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Carmen Electra, celebrity nudity, celebrity offspring, celebrity pregnancies, Eva Longoria, Mick Jagger, Olsen twins, paparazzi, Victoria Silvstedt
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Chris Martin's Pants Hate Him Just as Much as You Do
We thought that between the two of them Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin had about as much of a sense of humor as Droopy Dog, but apparently we were wrong. Martin at least can crack a joke. It just takes his pants falling down in front of thousands of people.
Actually, Basil Pasta Sounds Pretty Good Right About Now
Gwyneth Paltrow is hoping and praying that, despite raising her in England, her daughter Apple will develop an American accent, because she hates the way Brits pronounce "basil" and "pasta". We guess saying "Ahhhn-tony Hupkins" is fine, however.
Ice Ice Paltrow
Remember the time you heard about the rumored remake of Dirty Dancing that was going to star Ricky Martin and Britney Spears but then it never happened? You thought that was the greatest cinematic missed opportunity in history. Well, you were wrong. That distinction belongs to the never materialized pairing of Gwyneth Paltrow and Vanilla [...]
Gwyneth Paltrow's New Fetus: A Day Late and a Whole Lotta Sex Appeal Short
So Gwyneth Paltrow has officially announced that she's pregnant. Usually this would be big news and people would joke over what the kid would be named. (At this point we think that the Paltrow-Martin household uses the "pick up the first reading material you see and point to a word" strategy of child naming, with [...]