As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long ìCleanî detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious ìrelax and enjoy life phaseî about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc.

Well, thank god she got that pesky "relax and enjoy life" phase out of her system. Literally.

Gwyneth told me, ëI donít care about nudity, Iíll give you everything you need. But Iíve had two children and I just donít think they look very good any more. Do me a favor, come into my trailer and Iíll show them to you and if you think they look OK, Iíll do it.í So I marched in there and I told her they looked great.

We assume that the only dude (other than Moses) getting an eyeful of Gwyneth's maracas after a couple of babies sucked them dry was her husband, Chris Martin. And while he does seem like a right asshole, we just can't imagine him saying, "God woman, put a bra on before one of those things flops me in the face." But mostly because we have a hard time thinking in a British accent. The sentiment, though, sure. How else to explain Gwyn's paranoia about having ugly orbs?

I just cannot diet. I think maybe it's the idea that you can't have something … I just can't do it. It's worth it to me to do that extra exercise so I can eat what I want and not think about it.

Because cramming about twenty carrot sticks (plain carrot sticks, mind you, not dipped in fatty, delicious hummus) into your mouth and calling it lunch before hopping on the treadmill for three hours isn't a diet; that's just Gwyneth's normal state of being. Girl likes carrot sticks.


Do not deprive yourself of Gwyneth Paltrow nude. Find it at MrSkin.com.

Coldplay rocker Chris Martin is sticking up for celebrities with unusually named children, insisting names are "just noises."

Martin and his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, delved deep into the baby name book to hand their 2-year-old son the Biblically themed Moses, after giving daughter Apple, 4, a fruity moniker.

But the singer insists there's nothing odd about choosing a unique name.

He tells Blender magazine, "People make a big fuss over names. Names of babies, names of albums, names of bands.

"There's nothing weird about calling your baby Chewbacca if that's what you want to call your baby. It's no stranger than Sarah.

"A name is just a noise, and, if you like it, then [bleep] what everyone else says."

Thanks for the idea, Chris. We just found this really sweet size 2T head-to-toe fur snowsuit, but we weren't sure what infant on earth would be worthy of such couture. But now that Chris has so helpfully chosen the perfect baby name for us, we better get to procreatin'!

A biography by the Queen of Popís brother claims to lift the lid on Madgeís sexual conquests, love affairs, drug-taking and rows with husband GUY RITCHIE.

And it will tell how Madonna, now 49, flirted with Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow at a glamorous New Year party thrown by leading fashion designer DONATELLA VERSACE.

The Like A Virgin singer was dancing on a table at 4am when she dragged Gwyneth up to join her.

Younger brother Christopher Ciconne will tell how he watched as the pair started dancing together.

Then ó as party-goers watched in amazement ó Madonna grabbed Gwynnie, pulled her to her and kissed the stunned Hollywood star full on the mouth.

Oh my God, we are so shocked. Madonna has never done anything this shocking. (Yawn.) We can't believe she kisses girls. Our world is shattered, life has ended, etc, etc, etc. What's next, brother Christopher? Are you going to tell us that Madonna dyes her hair?


Madonna will shock you right out of your pants at MrSkin.com.

You donít really think of Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow as the racy type.

But in her new film, "Two Lovers," which debuted at the Cannes Film Festival Monday night, she quite surprisingly bares a single breast. The shot is, shall we say, head-on into the camera. And itís for more than a couple of seconds. This is no wardrobe malfunction. Itís on purpose. (To paraphrase a great "Seinfeld" quote: "They're real Ö and theyíre spectacular!")

Of course, this moment ó itís the left breast, by the way ó is meant to be part of the story; itís exactly what her manipulative character would do to land her man, in this case a character played by Joaquin Phoenix. In "Two Lovers," Phoenix plays a mentally jumbled lonely guy who tries to juggle romances with both Paltrowís selfish car crash of a mistress and Vinessa Shawís girl next door.

Since popping out little Apple and Moses, Gwyneth hasn't allowed anything to pop out of her top, so this breast baring, while seemingly minor, is a nice surprise. Not as nice of a surprise as a leaked sex tape featuring Gwyneth and Chris Martin engaging in mopey, weepy sex while Gwyn waits for a batch of flax crackers to bake, but nice nonetheless.


Find Gwynnie, young and unencumbered by clothing, at MrSkin.com.

"Got some blessed news…a celebration of life and bounty…a newborn conceived…yes, my girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together…it's 3 months growin in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far…we are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation and this gift from God, and so excited for the adventure that will come in raising this child, being a mother and a father, and sheparding him or her through this life……from moms and dads, to family, to community, it takes the best will and support from everyone to raise the healthiest children we have in society…..thanks for bein fans of me and my work and now this new and miraculous chapter in my life, as me and camila and our child do our best to just keep livin….wow, mcconaughey"

Wow, indeed. But that's our Matthew. He just keeps livin. L-I-V-I-N. This news almost made us forget about that weird threeway he had going with Lance Armstrong and Jake Gyllenhaal. We are definitely ready to see him use his masculine wiles to steal Kate Hudson's heart in his upcoming film, Fool's Gold. In theaters everywhere February 8th, 2008. Check local listings.

On the other side of the masculine scale (that would be the short, dumpy, womaninzing side), David Spade has also knocked up a female. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned that a 22-year-old Playboy Playmate is claiming that David Spade is the father of her unborn child. Holy Jamie Lynn!

Jillian Grace, Miss March 2005, is alleging that she had a relationship with the comedian, resulting in her becoming pregnant. Grace was discovered by Playboy after posing for test shots on the Howard Stern show.

Spade tells TMZ, "I had a brief relationship with Jillian Grace. If it is true that I am the father of her child, then I will accept responsibility."

We've never understood how David Spade continually lands super hot ladies. He originated the "____ called. They want their ____ back" joke, which should be cause enough for life-long forced celibacy. Plus, he's David Spade. The only thing we can come up with is that his dick must be as tall as he is.

Gwynnie's mystery trip to the ER may have been due to a problem with a festering fetus. The New York Daily News reports:

Did a pregnancy complication put Gwyneth Paltrow in the hospital?

Husband Chris Martin was seen pushing the Oscar winner into Mount Sinai Medical Center here Monday.

"They looked very serious," a witness tells us. "She looked upset. They went right past everyone and into the elevator. It seemed like they were expected."

Paltrow's rep, Stephen Huvane, declined to discuss what was wrong with the actress, who last year underwent knee surgery. "She's fine," said Huvane, adding that Paltrow had returned home.

But our spy did report that Martin and Paltrow entered Mount Sinai's maternity wing, the Klingenstein Pavilion.

Last August, Paltrow, 35, told an interviewer she and Martin wanted to expand their family, which now has daughter Apple, 3, and son Moses, 1. While Martin wanted to adopt, she said she was open to having "two [babies] in a row, really quick again."

Huvane called speculation about a troubled pregnancy "guesswork at best. This is a private matter not for public consumption."

We guess that shoots our theory to hell. After all, sense of humor implantation is usually relegated to the plastic surgery ward.

Is it possible that international vibrator spokesperson Eva Longoria has a different small, quivering object in her poot shoot? Pagesix.com says they spy a mighty baby bump, but Eva counters that she's just filled to the brim with enchiladas.

"No pregnancy, not yet. I've been cooking and eating, cooking and eating. I keep telling everyone that I've gained 10 pounds just being on strike."

Maybe if the strike continues Eva will balloon to 250 pounds, making her unemployable and therefore unable to further denigrate the careers of perfectly lovable actors like Paul Rudd. Why, Paul Rudd, why?

And, finally, Britney says, "Look at me! Look at me!" by perusing the home-pregnancy-test aisle. Why not, right? She's already tried the failsafe attention getters of teens everywhere–pink hair, head shaving, and public nudity. Plus, Brit really wants to do her part to make Jamie Lynn look sweet and innocent and normal again. And "bipolar barely clothed sister who has no legal right to see her existing children gets knocked up by married stalkerazzi boyfriend" trumps "16-year-old with child" any day.

Gwyneth Paltrow was admitted to New York's Mount Sinai Hospital yesterday afternoon, Usmagazine.com has learned.

"She was slumped over in a wheelchair pushed by [husband] Chris Martin," an eyewitness tells Us. "She looked not well."

At 6:30 p.m., a bag ó labeled "Gwyneth Martin" ó from NYC organic home supply store Organics Avenue was delivered.

A source tells Us she and Martin were spending the night.

The reason for the hospitalization is unknown.

Her rep tells Us, "We are not commenting as it's a personal matter."

"Personal matter" is the excuse that girls used in 9th grade gym class when they didn't want to go swimming, so we're just going to assume that this is nothing serious and that Gwyneth Paltrow is simply sitting on a Carefree maxi, refusing to use a tampon because that would mean she wasn't a virgin anymore. Either that or she has something really embarrassing, like green diarrhea or a marble shoved in her nose or the clap. Excuse us–the correct medical terminology is "crotch rot".