CelebNewsWire» Goldie Hawn Archives – CelebNewsWire

Goldie Boldly Shows Her Oldies

Agent E. — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:55:26 +0000

You know how embarrassed you get when your mom tries to be hip and prove that she's not old and out of touch? The '90s were especially bad, when she wore belly shirts and got her tongue pierced and called your boyfriend "all that and a bag of chips." Poor Kate Hudson is still feeling that pain, only instead of push-up bras, her mom wears no bra. Hey, look, you can see Goldie Hawn's nipples right through her shirt, just like she's Lindsay Lohan or something! See how young and hip she is? Before you know it, she'll be cast as one of Blair and Serena's classmates on Gossip Girl.

Kate Hudson's Childhood Abuse Revealed: She Flew Coach!

Agent E. — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:47:57 +0000

You might think that growing up the offspring of rich and famous movie stars means that you only get the best in life, that every day is filled with cashmere and caviar. But not so if you're unfortunate enough to be the child of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Then it's the back of the plane for you, loser. Kate Hudson relays the extreme tragedy that was her childhood:

My parents had four children and they weren't going to pay thousands of dollars for our air fares ñ can you imagine the cost? They wouldn't do that.

We didn't care ñ we had each other to play with at the back of the plane, while my parents were traveling in luxury at the front.

Where else did Kurt and Goldie scrimp on the kids while indulging their own expensive tastes? Did they throw the brats a package of Hydrox while they themselves nibbled on the more extravagant Oreos? Did Kate have to settle for getting kicky '80s curls with an Ogilvie Home Perm while Goldie spent hours getting pampered at an expensive salon?

The Banger Titters

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:29:32 +0000

On the 13th, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell showed up at Quincy Jones's Q Prize Presentation. And she made her Private Benjamins public with a very see-through schmatte. What sort of out joke should we go with here? "Laugh In, tits out"? "The Out-of-Bra-ers"? "Breast Becomes Her"? "Butterflies Are Free . . . and so are her yabbos?"

See Goldie Hawn nude at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: She Wants to Be The Girl with the Least Cake

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 17:55:47 +0000

ï Courtney Love, in a bikini, weighing less than her 12-year-old daughter. That's what making out with Bruce Willis will do to a body. It happened to Lohan, now it's happening again.

ï Uma Thurman's one-piece strains against the weight of her Nordic kahooblies.

ï Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson's illicit extramarital blonde people love is not going so hot.

ï Kate's mom Goldie Hawn distracts us from her daughter's love life by erecting her nipples as if they were geriatric antennae 'neath her top.

ï Rose McGowan barred her Grindhouse costars from wearing red to its premiere so that she would be the only scarlet lady. And then she gazed into her mystical mirror to ask who was the fairest, and beat her adopted children with wire hangers.

ï I'mmmmm a Puffy Doodle Daddy, Puffy do it all the daaaaaayyyyy!

ï Catherine Zeta-Jones slowly realizing that her husband is eighty.

ï Jael from America's Next Top Model has slurred her way into our hearts and out of her clothes (NSFW)!

ï Paris Hilton swings open the doors to her Valtrex-tinged mantrap and waves Desperate Housewives bit player Josh Henderson past the velvet rope.

ï Cruznett!

ï Gyllenspoon!

CNW Junk Drawer: Sizemore Schtups for All to See

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 17:16:47 +0000

ï We've been warning you for weeks now, but the day is upon us: the ill-famed Tom Sizemore sex tape is now available for your online perusal. It's here, it's real. Live it, love it, own it.

ï Are Sienna and Jude finito for good? Reportedly, she's told him to take his little kitty dick and shove it. Forever.

ï Crepey, arthritic, doddering geezers take note: yes, you have a shot with Jessica Alba!

ï Yesterday, we were told that Eminem was cancelling his tour due to Exhaustion. Which means "drugs" or "eating disorder". Today, the former is confirmed.

ï The first time Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell had sex, it was an alarming experience. Alarming! Guffaw!

ï Are you there, Miss Cleo? It's me, Jennifer Aniston.

ï Listen, we know Coq Rock. Coq Rock was a friend of ours. Slipknot, you're no Coq Rock.

ï For the aging celebrity pedophile who has everything: a detachable nose.

Kate Hudson Dishes: Mom, Sex, and Chakras

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 17:30:23 +0000

Some people are fueled by food, some people are fueled by caffeine, and yet others are driven by the nerve-tingling Lohanesque cocktail of Dexatrim mixed with blow. But Kate Hudson says that she's driven by sexual energy . . . just like her mom. Ew. Ew. Ew. EW.

Kate recently went all TMI for the UK's Night and Day magazine, telling them all about how her ma, Goldie Hawn, and her kept man Kurt Russell hyped up humping when she was a tot. "My parents always said, 'Sex is the best thing in the world. It is so great, so much fun. When you start having it you're going to love it. But it's that much better when you love somebody, so just remember that.'" Of course, they were telling her this when she was three. Just kidding, we don't know that. But they MIGHT'VE. Oooh.
And before we go on, please sit there for a minute, in your cubicle, and imagine going on record, saying that your mother radiates intense porking vibes. Are you picturing that? Are you feeling the rise in blood pressure, the reverse peristalsis? Yes? OK, great, read on.
Kate went on: "Sexual energy really does drive me. Not just sex itself, I'm talking about sexual energy. Whereas for someone like my husband, it's his mind–his top chakra–that drives him. My mother's the same as me. Her energy is very sensual, very sexual." So if the mind is the top chakra, what chakra is connected to sexual energy? Oh, right. The poonani chakra.

See Kate Hudson's chakras at MrSkin.com.

Oh, and her mommy's too. At MrSkin.com.

Goldie and Kurt: Finito

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 12 Nov 2004 17:44:31 +0000

Hollywood power couple Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn have reportedly called it quits after 21 years of romance. But weep not, America! We'll always have Overboard!

Friends have reported stated that the couple's relationship has "lost its zip" in recent years. Goldie, an avid traveler, has been spending more and more time in India, where she often "meets up" with Pakistani cricket legend Imran Khan — a friendship that has allegedly left Kurt feeling a bit pouty. On the set of his new movie, Sky High, he's been spotted acting surly and argumentative toward costars Kelly Preston and Lynda Carter. Methinks he should be less concerned with baiting Wonder Woman and more concerned with not making crappy movies.